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RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 3:10:31 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I understand and accept what you are saying RedMagic1.
I am considering it.
Although I truly believe that it should not be necessary on a lifestyle site.
I have this ideal that we should be better than vanilla people lol.
That the assumption should be that we are genuine 'lifestyle'.
And that if meeting is difficult then we get to know one another totally before we meet.
Of course we can cover up important things a long way into the relationship if we wish.
But then so can vanilla people.
For a lifetime if we want to.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 3:48:53 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

I understand and accept what you are saying RedMagic1.
I am considering it.
Although I truly believe that it should not be necessary on a lifestyle site.
I have this ideal that we should be better than vanilla people lol.
That the assumption should be that we are genuine 'lifestyle'.

Why? This site isn't just for people who want to be "genuine 'lifestyle' ". It's also for folks who are kinky but have no desire for a 24/7 relationship or any sort of power exchange. If this site wanted to be for only "genuine 'lifestyle' " folks it would define what lifestyle means, what a true slave, a true submissive, a true master, a true dominant are and no one else need ever apply.

Also... we are just people who happen to form some sort of loose community. No better, no worse. Sorry but expecting better from people who share the same taste in clothes, foods, wines, shoes or kinks makes no sense to me.

BTW, pro dommes are very much a real part of the lifestyle, which I think is for the better. They can afford the very nice toys, have a lot of experience and if you make friends with them, they have a lot to teach.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/6/2008 3:49:24 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 7:37:28 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thankyou for pointing that out AquaticSub no wonder I have been having so many problems weeding out applications.
As I think I have said before this is not a rant about pro Dommes.
This is a rant about the influence that the player mindset is having on newbies especially men.
Now I really have no problem with people playing at BDSM.
Or even playing at D/s. As long as they are specific on their profiles as to what they are looking for. Temporary exchange of power for a fixed agreed period with agreed boundaries for the session is fine.
I have been known to do it myself. It's just too much work for the pay back. And can be dangerous. Pro Dommes are aware of the dangers. We hear on the boards how many times people are hurt when the relationship is not defined and agreed.
24/7 TPE type relationships are a great deal more work for both parties but the pay off is so much more for both.
And it's never acceptable to reel someone into something that they don't have a clue about.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 8:09:05 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Your post to me indicates simply that you were contacted by someone who did not read your profile or took the time to get to know you before making 'offers'.  It's nothing new, it happens everywhere and isn't restricted to CM or BDSM in general.  People are responsible for themselves and if they are stupid or naive enough to get themselves into a situation where they are broken hearted/ lose money / get duped, then that is their responsibility - yes it's not acceptable people get conned, but they learn from it and don't let it happen to themselves again or end up the victim all the time - and that is their fault(if you want to start placing blame) - not a website or a community or a lifestyle or a group or a dating site -  nothing.
BDSM peeps aren't any better and aren't any more genuine and it is both naive to believe that and even want it - BDSM people consist and are made up from people outside BDSM - they are every day people and everyday people fuck up, and are fuck ups.  You can't change that and it's completely misleading to percieve or 'sell' BDSM as more genuine or better than any other activity or lifestyle.  It's elitist bullshit.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/6/2008 8:10:25 AM >

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 8:41:21 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'll give everyone a dollar to flash me their breasts.

No wait, make that fifty cents, I have to buy pop tarts for breakfast.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 8:59:00 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Lateralist1, you are judgemental to the point of being prejudiced. Who really are you to determine for others how they desire to explore BDSM? You stated that you have an ideal, that is exactly it, YOUR IDEAL. This site is full of individuals with their own ideals too. Why on earth should kinksters be any 'better' than mainstream 'vanillas', just b/c they practice something called BDSM? We are people, climb out of your arse for a moment to recognise that you aren't some godlike creature gazing disdainfully down from your solitary apogean throne on the rest of the world.
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
I understand and accept what you are saying RedMagic1.
I am considering it.
Although I truly believe that it should not be necessary on a lifestyle site.
I have this ideal that we should be better than vanilla people lol.
That the assumption should be that we are genuine 'lifestyle'.
And that if meeting is difficult then we get to know one another totally before we meet.
Of course we can cover up important things a long way into the relationship if we wish.
But then so can vanilla people.
For a lifetime if we want to.


There you go again. When people lose touch of reality they are indeed embroiled in their own fantastical world of self-delusion. When you are ready to engage people on mutual terms as the personable individuals they are you'll find many a myth-buster.
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Now I really have no problem with people playing at BDSM.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 9:09:17 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Use your profile to educate,or put up something you can link to. Keywords to be put in mail headers work too-then just delete those you know did not find them.

As far as the rest, it's not up to you to save the world-that's a pretty futile ambition.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 11:06:59 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Yes you are right trying to save the world does seem very futile at times.
I really wonder why anyone bothers.
But for some reason some people do.
Of course they are stupid and naive.
Idealism soon gets knocked out of people when they associate themselves with the mass of himanity who don't give a damn.
I just think that some people on this site actually do give a damn about how we behaviour towards one another and about teaching others who come to us for help and guidance.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 11:10:30 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

I just think that some people on this site actually do give a damn about how we behaviour towards one another and about teaching others who come to us for help and guidance.


Some of us do...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 11:51:07 AM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		There is a vast difference, IMO, between a ProDomme and a money/tribute Domme.

_____________________________

I will never make someone a priority, when they only make me an option.

FEAR the pixels....NOT!

Some things in life are like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 12:13:36 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

24/7 TPE type relationships are a great deal more work for both parties but the pay off is so much more for both.



For you it's a better payoff. For those not inclined towards a TPE, it's utter misery. I really also don't understand the phrase "playing at BDSM". They aren't playing at BDSM because they don't have a 24/7 lifestyle, they are actively participating in BDSM. They just haven't based their relationship off it and for them, the payoff in their casual play is huge - much better than trying to force themselves into a type of relatinship that doesn't suit them. 24/7 TPE isn't a better option by any means. It is simply one option.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/6/2008 12:14:49 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 12:24:51 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		So this is going to sound hard, I know that already.  But your postings on this thread are all over the place and you seem to be contridicting what you have said as well as a 'betterthan' attitude and that is far more 'concerning' than someone who offers $200 a month because they haven't taken the time to read a profile or get to know someone.  I would be more concerned by someone being inconsistant than someone offering tribute or money.
You can't teach someone who doesn't wish to be taught or already thinks they know it all - including newbies, and yourself.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 12:34:51 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		lateralist to me you simply sound human. You expected something more than what ur getting and that happens to us all. It is very hurtful to be made to feel fruitless especially when everyday being a womyn is just as hard. You would expect more respect. I understand.  It is hard to put so much effort into someone and then find out they are simply using, misusing, or abusing you. Honestly...it will never stop. And yes you are allowed to be mad as hell for it. You are allowed to rant and rave if you wish. All normal and fine. But don't ever give up your power. Some people irl and vr love stealing peoples power and feelings of joy.

I would just be reflective on this one. And start again.

Always,

MK

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 12:41:17 PM   
xAdamx


Posts: 92
Joined: 4/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Oh dear - an anti pro domme rant.
Let the flames begin


WEG......can l bring the marsh mellows and watch...

Actually we all pay in one way or another.....l love my liddle subby, she does all kinds of things for me " free " yeah right....and the slut shoes I buy for her and give to her as a gift is a kind of payment in terms isn't ??

< Message edited by xAdamx -- 1/6/2008 12:42:34 PM >

_____________________________

Does exactly what it says on the can

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 1:15:40 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		xAdamx presumably you get the benefit from the slut shoes you buy your 'liddle subbie'.
There is rather a difference between that and £200 pounds a week.
Now of course he may have been winding me up.
And if he has been treated badly in the past by women purporting to be 'lifestyle' Dommes who then demand tribute I really can't blame him.
He also may have been finding out if I would bite so he could call me a prostitute.
And yes it isn't exactly difficult to see that I am all over the place emotionally. 
Why would I bother to cover it up?
At least one in four people suffer from some kind of emotional/mental problems in their lives.
We all know that.
Bad experiences in ones life affect how we relate to people in the future.
There is a very simple idea about passing on a good turn rather than a bad turn that really sounds like a very simple way of making this world a better place.
So thankyou dawntreader. Your comment was much appreciated.

(in reply to xAdamx)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: ranting - 1/6/2008 3:01:40 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mmmm I have been offered gifts and money by women and I am not a Pro Dom. I do accept the gifts not the money. I dont try to read anything into what they do. I have had this happen in vanilla life also. Can someone here tell me why women do this. I do not promise them anything.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: ranting - 1/7/2008 6:25:04 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		ok Dnomyar these are the reasons I have managed to come up with so far.
1 which has already been mentioned that some people think of themselves as worthless.
You can count me in that group. Quite simply because that's how I have always been treated. Really getting good at acting arrogant though lol. I am hoping that at some point I will settle somewhere in between. Confident of my own beliefs even when the rest of the world revile them.
2 For some it is easier to give money than time and care.
3 That's what they think you need.
4 To gain power over you. He who pays the money calls the tune. That's where the pro Dommes come in. They are there to provide a service I'm not.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: ranting - 1/7/2008 6:51:35 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps, it's just me...  but I would think about rephrasing the question a little.  whenever I'm speaking, chatting or emailing with a prospective partner.  I don't ask the proverbial..  "What do you have to offer me question".   Instead I try to probe around with a series of specific questions getting to know more about them, they type of relationship they are looking for, power exchange levels, limits, how they are as a human being.   I sort of figure out what they have to offer me. 

Sure you can ask "What do you have to offer me"... but this can lead to them attempting to tell you shit they think you want to hear.   Instead, I just take time to get to know them as a human being, make them feel comfortable chatting.

Since sexuality is important to you, I would suggest asking them how sexual they are.   Such as do you have a high sex drive?   Get them to open up about this subject for awhile. This is a question I myself will ask somebody.   I will explore other areas such as sensual aspects, as well as S&M play, bondage, and even things such as body massage.   I'll tend to lead the questioning with a focus upon the major areas of concern.






(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: ranting - 1/7/2008 6:58:13 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		All this was a red flag for you.  You know you don't like it; therefore, you are in control of the situation. 
We get crazy emails on Collarme. 
I got one the other day declairing it was my fault that Bush was in the Whitehouse because I said I was conservative.
This person had no right to tell me that.  I did not vote for Bush.  Go figure.
Just iggy them.  Let it go.
 
Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: ranting - 1/7/2008 8:08:02 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the constructive help owner4sexslave and for cheering me up MissSCD.
At least noone has accused me of being reponsible for Blair.
I apologise for the self pity.
Back to the drawing board.

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 40
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