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On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 11:52:56 AM   
tightropes


Posts: 17
Joined: 7/31/2004
Status: offline 		As I peruse posts, ads, profiles and the like of dominant women on collarme, AOL, and other sites, I am constantly struck by the number who diss submissives, dismiss slaves, and make it very clear in their written words that the person they are seeking is worthless, worth nothing, unimportant, insignificant, and of no value.  Well, almost of no value. The sub's only value is to worship and serve the domme, often as nothing more than an errand boy, if that.  As to the possibility of sex (albeit often an ill-defined term in the post), don't even think about it.  Why?  Not because the domme is married is has one or more other sexual relationships or liaisons, but rather, as one domme put it, because "slaves and submissives are unworthy of that kind of contact."  No doubt the submissive is merely an object.  Well, no, worse than that, as we all know that dommes often use objects of one kind or another for sex.
 
No doubt there are some males who want a connection with a domme holding the views I've described above but I seriously wonder how many males do in actuality, as opposed to getting excited at the prospect but not actually wanting to be held in such utter contempt in a real life situation.
 
I'm not here to begrudge those on either side of the aisle who want that kind of a connection.  But I must say that I find such views of male submissives thoroughly unattractive other than in wet dreams.  I am far more drawn to a dominant woman who sees the domme-submissive connection as a symbiotic relationship.  To be sure, she is in control and may have a very strict, sadistic nature, but she also recognizes that the relationship is not solely about her.
 
What are others' views?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 12:03:04 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		No harm, no foul to my mind. If a dominant wants a worm or target, more power to her if she can get one. If a dominant wants a relationship, she'll have one. Just find someone who's compatible and it's all good. There are enough flavors of ice cream that everyone can find the one which suits them.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 12:04:38 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		I don't know whose posts you're reading here, but I find if I happen to browse the "Ask a Mistress" forum (out of curiousity) or in other forums too, that the majority of dommes are decent, honorable, types who DO want a sub/slave to treat as a real person with significant value, and in the same way to be treated and respected as a real person (i.e. human with thoughts and feelings) by the sub/slave. Hell, some of them actually want a relationship!
 
Maybe you take some of their tongue-in-cheek "uber-Domme" comments a little too seriously.

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 12:59:04 PM   
ToysAndTies


Posts: 124
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		I notice that a lot too on profiles, but think a lot of times it's an image thing.  "I'm ruler of all I see etc etc" Short of a Bill Gates type, I can't imagine any of that stuff being more than role-play itself.  Because of the abundance of men aching for attention though, even a profile that's a female with no text and no pictures will still be bombarded with responses.

Don't sweat it.

(in reply to ThinkingKitten)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 1:02:29 PM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		well in all honesty there are Dominant males like that too...in the end it all depends on personal preference.

~meticulous~

(in reply to ToysAndTies)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 1:04:18 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		For the most part I believe that such representations are expressions of role play and fantasy fulfillment.  Though I do not discount the fact that some do incorporate such a relationship dynamic.  However, my educated guess is that they are a very few in comparison to those engaged in role play / fantasy fulfillment.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 1:50:27 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
I can see what you're saying. I haven't done a comparison with forum postings to profile info, but I'm willing to bet that you won't see very many, if any, postings from dominants of either gender in the forums with a profile like that. I am aware that there are submissive males out there, even extreme masochistic males that crave that sort of thing, but I would think it would be rare.

But then again, life gets pretty weird.

_____________________________

Thou art fertile ground and I will plant a garden in thee.

(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 2:54:27 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		i agree with you totally tightropes!! Your point is more then valid, and to be honest those types of Dommes create a very hostile environment for submissives that are virgins and makes them very hard to be broken into... Don't get me wrong i love that kind of scenarios myself and very often i sit there reading profiles of Dominant Women of how they wish to treat there slave and how that subject has to be.. (as a matter of fact i was reading of a new one in my area). But i would not engage in one for some strange reason. A sub is such a complicated human being that i cant even work myself out at times...

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 3:33:05 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tightropes

As I peruse posts, ads, profiles and the like of dominant women on collarme, AOL, and other sites, I am constantly struck by the number who diss submissives, dismiss slaves, and make it very clear in their written words that the person they are seeking is worthless, worth nothing, unimportant, insignificant, and of no value.  Well, almost of no value. The sub's only value is to worship and serve the domme, often as nothing more than an errand boy, if that.  As to the possibility of sex (albeit often an ill-defined term in the post), don't even think about it.  Why?  Not because the domme is married is has one or more other sexual relationships or liaisons, but rather, as one domme put it, because "slaves and submissives are unworthy of that kind of contact."  No doubt the submissive is merely an object.  Well, no, worse than that, as we all know that dommes often use objects of one kind or another for sex.
 
No doubt there are some males who want a connection with a domme holding the views I've described above but I seriously wonder how many males do in actuality, as opposed to getting excited at the prospect but not actually wanting to be held in such utter contempt in a real life situation.
 
I'm not here to begrudge those on either side of the aisle who want that kind of a connection.  But I must say that I find such views of male submissives thoroughly unattractive other than in wet dreams.  I am far more drawn to a dominant woman who sees the domme-submissive connection as a symbiotic relationship.  To be sure, she is in control and may have a very strict, sadistic nature, but she also recognizes that the relationship is not solely about her.
 
What are others' views?


Well said...exceptional points.

In answer to your question(s), I find that a Domme who has an income substantial enough to take care of me in the style I've become accustomed to, is highly attractive.

(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 3:34:41 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tightropes

As I peruse posts, ads, profiles and the like of dominant women on collarme, AOL, and other sites, I am constantly struck by the number who diss submissives, dismiss slaves, and make it very clear in their written words that the person they are seeking is worthless, worth nothing, unimportant, insignificant, and of no value.  Well, almost of no value. The sub's only value is to worship and serve the domme, often as nothing more than an errand boy, if that.  As to the possibility of sex (albeit often an ill-defined term in the post), don't even think about it.  Why?  Not because the domme is married is has one or more other sexual relationships or liaisons, but rather, as one domme put it, because "slaves and submissives are unworthy of that kind of contact."  No doubt the submissive is merely an object.  Well, no, worse than that, as we all know that dommes often use objects of one kind or another for sex.



I've seen the same things and fell the same way as you do that it's no way to have a relationship...but it seems the demand from submissive men who state in their profiles that they are nothing more than dirt and worms and piles of shit to be used by a female goddess or whatever are just as prevalent. It's hard to say which is the chicken and which the egg. I say fine, let those people pair up with each other and be happy and let those who want what you and I want find our own like-minded partners.

quote:


I'm not here to begrudge those on either side of the aisle who want that kind of a connection.  But I must say that I find such views of male submissives thoroughly unattractive other than in wet dreams.  I am far more drawn to a dominant woman who sees the domme-submissive connection as a symbiotic relationship.  To be sure, she is in control and may have a very strict, sadistic nature, but she also recognizes that the relationship is not solely about her.
 
What are others' views?


And I'm not saying this is you at all, but in my own and my friends' experiences, we have often come across men who will say EXACTLY what you said in the above paragraph only to find out that they run away from a real two-sided relationship for a variety of reasons: it's too real, it doesn't meet with their fantasy; the domme is too nice to them, treats them too much like a human and too little like a slave as they imagined it. It all goes back to their fantasy and in the end a female dominant can sometimes end up with a better slave if she treats him coldly and distant and like he's worthless because anything other than that scares them and they run. I still have not compromised in my philosophy but I have also been very lucky to find a very compatible partner.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 3:46:28 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		I have seen that of which you speak Ron and quite frankly it nauseates me a bit. I state clearly that if I wanted a doormat I'd buy one at Wal Mart and that if I wanted a pet I'd go get a dog. I have also found a large number of said profiles which conclude in money as in the ''I am a spoiled Princess'' sort, ''so you worthless worm you WILL pay to be with me online only.''  These are an even bigger ick factor for me and upon checking the ages they are mainly 18-24ish. One of these young money Princesses contacted me at one time a while ago to say that at least she looked like a woman; bearing in mind that she was so thin and barely 18, she did not possess tits big enough to be considered pimples much less ready for training band-aids.

Yes, to each his or her own and if a free thinking male submissive is drawn to that then it becomes one of those things that makes me go hmmm. I don't know. Perhaps I am too old and have been living my alternative lifestyle too long that I have more pet peeves now than I used to. I have been contacted by many men who wanted to be no more than an object and live to whatever my whims may have been. Flatly each time I said absolutely not! Submissive means a great deal more than the objectification and use of someone for me.

_____________________________

I will never make someone a priority, when they only make me an option.

FEAR the pixels....NOT!

Some things in life are like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 4:04:01 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGenie

I have seen that of which you speak Ron


Lol :) Tightropes is indeed using Ron's patented and copyrighted avatar but it's not him. Way too young and un-crotchety sounding. ;)

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to EvilGenie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 4:35:43 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tightropes

I'm not here to begrudge those on either side of the aisle who want that kind of a connection.  But I must say that I find such views of male submissives thoroughly unattractive other than in wet dreams.  I am far more drawn to a dominant woman who sees the domme-submissive connection as a symbiotic relationship.  To be sure, she is in control and may have a very strict, sadistic nature, but she also recognizes that the relationship is not solely about her.
 
What are others' views?


Mine are the same as yours.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 5:25:14 PM   
sodsta


Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline 		I would assume that people with this attitude are probably in the minority - especially judging from what I've seen on the boards. I have come across profiles like the ones you describe, however. If that's what works for them, and they can find a sub/slave who wants to be that for them, then fair enough. I'm more inclined to believe that this is more the product of an over-active imagination than anything else, though. Not my cup of tea, at any rate.

(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 6:54:28 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Try putting up a fake Domme profile sometime-and you will see why they feel that way.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to tightropes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 7:06:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sour grapes. You do remember your Aesop's, don't you?

A dominant who had a good relationship with one or more submissives is not going to describe them in unflattering terms. But one who can't get a sub to look at them will be bitter and unhappy. And as it is a great deal easier to attack the subs for their myriad faults then to look at himself and make changes, that's what you're seeing.

Ask any of the attached doms here and you won't get that attitude. You only get it from a guy who can't ever get the girl.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 7:29:30 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Wank fodder.  Read femdom porn, and it's full of worm like crawler dudes.  Personally, not my thing.  Why would a worm be worth my time? 

On the other hand, speaking as a spoiled princess, if any of you feel like coughing up some bux toward my blue cross bill, come on down!  <G> 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 7:43:37 PM   
spicybrains


Posts: 35
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I get the point entirely.  In the profiles, I see more than a few that read roughly... "male slave to do housework.  IF you get any play time at all, it won't be for your enjoyment..."

Now, I understand the need to weed out those submissives who aren't on the same page.  Few Domme's want a SAM (aka someone who will do things badly on purpose to get "punished", which they enjoy and is thus not a punishment)

On the other hand, I don't see the fun in that kind of situation at all!  I actually LIKE to play, provided I've got someone I enjoy playing with, and if the sub doesn't provide that, what's the point?  I can do my own housework.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 8:01:15 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

For the most part I believe that such representations are expressions of role play and fantasy fulfillment.  Though I do not discount the fact that some do incorporate such a relationship dynamic.  However, my educated guess is that they are a very few in comparison to those engaged in role play / fantasy fulfillment.
 
John


I agree with Rover.  If they're doing it upfront to people they don't know, it's fantasy fodder and I would personally avoid them like that plague as I sense this is more about their lack of security with themselves than anything else.  There are posters here on the site like that who constantly feel the need to say negative things about submissives, their opinions for me overall have zero validity on any subject given their approach to d/s.  I do however believe there can be a place of this in a dynamic when you are well aware of the person involved and it's consentual.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: On dissing submissives - 1/5/2008 8:04:59 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am not going to say there are no Dommes who sound this way. I am sure there are, but you have to realize something there are many subs and slaves on collarme who WASTE and I mean WASTE a Domme's time. Some of them have 3 or 4 profiles, some like to talk and then *poof*, and some like to even like to toy with Dommes. So I am assuming you have some very annoyed Domme's out there tired of reading the e-mails and responding and then getting shafted.

I will also say this, I also believe some men/women see Domme's with less respect than male Doms. And treat them as such. Even though they say they are submissive, they often play the same games as they would in IRL...and therefore it makes trying to get  and find a real gem. I am sure there are real gems out there and by the time a Domme hits one she is probably frustrated as hell. So her profile will change for sure!

Some Domme's come hardcore because submissives make them that way. So...it goes both ways. If you don't like what you read then read another profile or go somewhere else to be appease.

MK

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 1/5/2008 8:07:56 PM >

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to spicybrains)
Profile   Post #: 20
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