RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys?

RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (Full Version)

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rizzle -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/6/2008 8:55:03 AM)
shut up Des, we have had a chat and i have asked her for space. i told her that she needs to go off and do her thing and when shes worked out what she wants she can get back to me. i have told her that i want her, however right now i need to do my own thing for a while. i have asked her to not contact me in the mean time, a request which she is ignoring. lets not forget that we had a chat about this specifc guy and i told her she cannot see him and she agreed - 2 days later she saw him. i think i was clear enough

Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/6/2008 9:01:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Of course she now knows she can't trust you to communicate your needs in the beginning, to negotiate clearly, and not to interfere in her friendships. From the OP, it sounded like his concern was her safety. Whether or not that's truly a concern, and she'd have ended up safe no matter what, isn't really an issue. It was his lack of trust via her ignorance of when his word needed to be heeded...and when she felt it better to choose her own path (despite his possible warnings or admonitions). While we can ever be sure, unless we know both sides of the story, my feeling is that he'd already had this issue out some with her - and she'd made her choice. So he made his. shrug tips his hat - Mr. S

MasterFireMaam -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/6/2008 3:35:37 PM)
If her service and obedience doesn't make you happy and fulfilled, and you've tried to get to the bottom of WHY she's doing what she's doing with no avail, then you're not a match. Master Fire

DesFIP -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/7/2008 5:43:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Of course she now knows she can't trust you to communicate your needs in the beginning, to negotiate clearly, and not to interfere in her friendships. From the OP, it sounded like his concern was her safety. Whether or not that's truly a concern, and she'd have ended up safe no matter what, isn't really an issue. It was his lack of trust via her ignorance of when his word needed to be heeded...and when she felt it better to choose her own path (despite his possible warnings or admonitions). While we can ever be sure, unless we know both sides of the story, my feeling is that he'd already had this issue out some with her - and she'd made her choice. So he made his. shrug tips his hat - Mr. S I agree, that he had already made his decision. But I also stand by my comment that since she's a sub who doesn't live with him, who has huge amounts of autonomy, that he can't suddenly announce he's taking control in this area unless it was discussed and she consented to it. And that's what happened here, they hadn't discussed him having veto rights on her other partners. He just decided to do so and she refused consent. Hell if he had suddenly decided she had to turn over her paycheck without her agreeing to it, that also would have been out of the bounds of their negotiated relationship and she would have been equally right to refuse. It isn't what she did, it's the fact that it wasn't part of their relationship and he attempted to take control of it without her consent that was so wrong.

rizzle -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 2:05:22 AM)
no no no no! we discussed this particular guy and it was categorically agreed that she would not see him!! she then went ahead and saw him 2 days later! we have discussed how much control i had over her life and she categorically "gave" me everything except her work and career! seriously guys this was blatant betrayal and she knows it

MissMagnolia -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 2:10:12 AM)
And you know it too. She specifically did something that you ordered her not to do. She has no intention of stopping doing it. She is ignoring everything you say. The end. In all ways.

DesFIP -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 4:18:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rizzle no no no no! we discussed this particular guy and it was categorically agreed that she would not see him!! she then went ahead and saw him 2 days later! we have discussed how much control i had over her life and she categorically "gave" me everything except her work and career! seriously guys this was blatant betrayal and she knows it Really? Because your op reads as if it's the opposite.

rizzle -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 4:26:45 AM)
ok des i can see how you read it like that - however this guy in particular has disrespected us both in the past and there is a VERY good reason why she is banned from seeing him, mostly for her own safety but also cos i just dont like him. anyway, yes it was all very very much discussed and categorically stated that she cant see him, and i expressly asked her how much of her life she is willing to give up control to me, and she said "dont touch work or career, but everything else is yours". shes a young girl "playing" the D/s game - i.e. saying the words but not following through in her actions. oh well.

SailingBum -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 5:46:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Really mature way to act. Block and delete. Gee, whatever happened to talking things out and parting as adults? Of course she now knows she can't trust you to communicate your needs in the beginning, to negotiate clearly, and not to interfere in her friendships. He tried to discuss it with her she didn't listen. I'd block her as well. BadOne

TMaster2 -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 5:51:47 AM)
I have thought of allowing mine to have someone to top/domme, but that someone would be ONLY the person I "assigned" to her. If she just went out and found one on her own, without any consultation, then nope, deal breaker. The deal would be she no longer gets to do that, or failing that, I would have nothing else to do with her.

weneedyourhelp -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 6:11:37 AM)
I guess I don't even see why you are asking? You already KNOW and already done what you should. If she had agreed not to see him, and did? Her shit woulda been on the curb by the time she got back. End of file.

Leonardo -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 7:27:45 AM)
Apparently, there was never an actual D/s relationship to begin with. It may have been a BDSM relationship, but definitely not D/s. Seems from the limited information, that the relationship was one of topping and bottoming, and if that's the case, and you enjoy topping her and she enjoys bottoming for you, then there should be no reason why such a Top/bottom relationship of some sort can continue, so long as both parties would be on the same page whereby you'd understand he desires to bottom for you, while Top others, but she would also need to understand the same in equity.

meticulousgirl -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/8/2008 9:04:07 AM)
If the trust isn't there, nothing is left......this lifestyle and everything we indulge in all boils down to the trust between partners.....unless you can work those things out and forgive, it's not worth going back. ~meticulous~

Dnomyar -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/9/2008 11:56:37 AM)
Beg her to come back. You want her and you know it.

rizzle -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/9/2008 12:04:20 PM)
lol Dnomyar. yeah mate i do want her back but i want my dignity more. begging has never been my strong point

Dnomyar -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/10/2008 7:29:31 AM)
Sometimes you have to suck up and take a bruised dignity.

rizzle -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/10/2008 8:11:41 AM)
if that works for you thats fine but that wouldnt work for me, however hard it is to be without her. I can, and want to, forgive and forget but i dont think the onus is on me to plead for her back...

Lordandmaster -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/10/2008 8:15:36 AM)
Then the question isn't whether a sub can be allowed to dom other guys. The question is whether a sub can be allowed to dom other guys without your permission. And you already know the answer. It's no. quote: ORIGINAL: rizzle i had a sub who wanted to explore her Dom side - i released her because she did it with a guy that I do not trust nor respect. She continues to want to Dom other guys but also continues to contact me, and wants me to continue to train and punish her. Honestly, I can cope with her Domming guys but she needs to communicate to me and obey me when i say she cannot Dom a certain guy. I would only say she cannot Dom someone if I believe she would be in danger by doing so. However, if i cannot trust her to obey me regarding who she Doms, is there any point in us carrying on our D/s relationship?

GoddessTeaze -> RE: can subs be allowed to Dom other guys? (1/10/2008 8:29:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rizzle lol Dnomyar. yeah mate i do want her back but i want my dignity more. begging has never been my strong point Good on you rizzle, when the trust is broken.. there is nothing left. she will come your way.. when it's time. Warm Greetingz GoddezzT`

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