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RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:30:01 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I have on Collarme, given up pursuing potential whatevers.It is rare now I mail someone and those I do, it is purely because I have read something they have written and I cared to comment.

Maybe there is a lot of anger, frustration and sadness out there, on the personals side of this site, but it is I suppose akin to any other 'dating' site.

My personal observations of here is that manners have appeared to slip by the wayside.A friendly message now does'nt even warrant a thankyou, or even a no thanks.This was not the case a few years ago, I found the personals side very friendly,



I disagree.  No answer is an answer - no one owes anyone anything, not even politeness.  If you think they are rude in not answering, then they don't fit your interests or morals so Just forget it and move on. 
The anger, frustration and sadness is self inflicted.  People need to stop blaming the site and people for their problems and re-evaluate themselves and their own feelings and criteria.  It's so easy to pass the buck.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/6/2008 12:31:08 PM >

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aneirin)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:31:34 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		OMG popeye!

I call some of them "the submissives from hell", and of course there are also "Dominants
from hell".
 
I have run into "submissives" that attempt to tell me how to act, think, talk, write, dress and
what to do!

Run popeye! Last one out bring the flag!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/6/2008 12:32:46 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:33:23 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

re-evaluate themselves and their own feelings and criteria.


I agree.  Please investigate your reactions and consider why it is so important that strangers respond to you or respond only in a manner that meets with your approval.  It's not their issue, it is yours.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:47:57 PM   
SensualPassion41


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		I went  back and read my profile.  I don't make demands nor am I angry.  I don't like seeing a few bad experiences lump a whole group into a catergory of being angry, bad mannered or not nice.  I am not rude nor nasty to the Dominants who get nasty with me because I said "thanks but no thanks".  I figure I made the right decision when I said "no thanks". 

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:48:04 PM   
subinside


Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Yeah, I think if a person's needs are not being met that that could lead to anger.
A lot of submissives have reams of "demands" and "conditions" to be met. Kind of makes you wonder just how "submissive" they are.


So because someone is picky means they aren't submissive??  Just how does that make sense?

i am picky, i do have some conditions that need to be met.  if i wasn't picky and was one of those who said height/weight/looks/enjoyments/activities etc don't matter.. well then how desperate would that make me look?  It would be akin to saying i don't care who you are or what you like i just want someone... anyone!!!!.

Ummmm no thanks to that one.  i have a 10 yr old unmentionable as well as another one due in a month.. Yer damn right i'm going to be picky.  This isn't just my life, it's my children's as well.  Demands and conditions are all part and parcel of that.

_____________________________

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You want me to call You what?... i'll take it under advisement.

000-150-313

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:49:27 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		I have not had any  luck with meeting a potential on this site but I don't post an angry journal and I don't rant on the message forums or add anything on my profile that screams demands. 

I have better luck in meeting people in real life and making friends.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:49:29 PM   
southerngirl39


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline 		I’m glad to see that I am not the only one that notices the vast amount of negative profiles and journals on cm.  The ones I particularly like are the ones where the write states that for some reason or another they will no longer be on cm but they manage to log on several times a day. I guess they’ve become so addicted to cm they may possibly need a 12 step program to help them deal with it.
 
blondie

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:50:13 PM   
johntom571


Posts: 63
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lauren0221

quote:

ORIGINAL: johntom571

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I see a lot of angry profiles in general, it isn't limited to sub/slaves. There seems to be a bunch in every segment that does nothing but rant in their profiles about fakes & wanabees et al. That is something I don't get at all, why put such negativity into a profile when you are trying to attract people? Personally I find it off-putting and sad.


A wild guess here? when putting up a "nice" profile and sending polite emails doesn't work, what are the options?

JT


Perhaps reevaluating your approach, rather than blaming those who do not respond to it? I don't mean to sound harsh - focusing on what you have control over will tend to have a more positive impact on your outcome than focusing on what you don't control.


Hmm, possibly. By the same token, one might make the same gentle suggestion to someone who complains about rude replies from rejected suitors.  "If you are getting ignorant comments in response to a 'Thank but no thanks' letter, you perhaps need to reevaluate your approach.  Maybe using a different font, or language will have a more positive impact".

Hmm, then again there's always the possibility that some ppl are buttholes and the best way to chase them off is to make yourself less of a target to mindless verbal abuse.  Some will be put off by the negativity, then again others do relate to it on a less superficial level, and demonstrate a more mature appreciation.  There is intelligent life on this site, but it concerns itself with deeper issues than height, weight, location and age as suitability factors.

JT

(in reply to lauren0221)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:50:44 PM   
spicybrains


Posts: 35
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johntom571

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I see a lot of angry profiles in general, it isn't limited to sub/slaves. There seems to be a bunch in every segment that does nothing but rant in their profiles about fakes & wanabees et al. That is something I don't get at all, why put such negativity into a profile when you are trying to attract people? Personally I find it off-putting and sad.


A wild guess here? when putting up a "nice" profile and sending polite emails doesn't work, what are the options?

JT


Instead of "nice", try "interesting".

(in reply to johntom571)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:52:27 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		lol
Well if I get angry at a person, I ignore or block them.
 
I have been here almost as long as you, and how the hell is another person, going
to keep me from coming here?

I fucking love it here!!


_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to southerngirl39)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:55:07 PM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johntom571

There is intelligent life on this site, but it concerns itself with deeper issues than height, weight, location and age as suitability factors.

JT


We are in agreement there:)

(in reply to johntom571)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:56:24 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I guess I don't open enough profiles or I am seeing things from a different subjectivity because I don't see too many negative profiles.  Could be that most of what I view is in the first few lines (location, age) does not fit my critera of interest so I just close it until something else catches my eye.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:56:45 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lauren0221

quote:

ORIGINAL: johntom571

There is intelligent life on this site, but it concerns itself with deeper issues than height, weight, location and age as suitability factors.

JT


We are in agreement there:)


I am in total agreement also.
Many confuse standards and being picky with anger!

When did have standards, rules, and being picky have anything to do with being angry?
 

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to lauren0221)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:56:47 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

OMG popeye!

I call some of them "the submissives from hell", and of course there are also "Dominants
from hell".
 
I have run into "submissives" that attempt to tell me how to act, think, talk, write, dress and
what to do!

Run popeye! Last one out bring the flag!


"...And I don't like wearing thongs only bikini shorts, yes I like to be spanked but only so hard, we can experiment with that, (Indeed, we CAN "experiment" with that.) and no high heels longer than 4", and no I don't want to wear a maid's uniform except maybe on tuesday nights between 6 and 10....."

"Keep walking, tuesday night's my bowling night!"

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 12:58:19 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		popeye? you forgot some!

I am nobody's doormat!  You can't tell me what to do or what to say!
I will tell you what I will or will not do!

popeye, I fucking adore you.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 1:01:55 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		MzMia
You forgot the 'I'm a submissive, not YOUR submissive'
that makes me cringe evereeeeee time.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 1:06:19 PM   
spicybrains


Posts: 35
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rushemery

well my first thought is they are going off this site and posting about their experiences here, that brings people who wouldnt normally be looking here as well, its bad press, makes the whole group look bad anyone with a little computer knowledge could trace out isp address's and show up on our doorstep and be asking questions on camera. I for one use my real picture and a name that can be found without much trouble as I am sure others do as well, of course I recently took my pictures down but thats not the point. Im not the white knight type and I normally look like a biker. But I also pride myself on being a decent person for the most part.  I have read one post at least about how people in this lifestyle are looked down on and I feel this is part of the reason. We are supposed to lead the people under us and protect them and yet we turn a blind eye to people who just abuse its very hipacritical and that bothers me. smiles, I maybe an ass hole but Im not a hipacrite 


I do think that it is in the BDSM community's best interests to address issues of abuse.  The theory being that if we don't someone else will, and we probably won't enjoy that.

However, I do not think Collarme, or any other personals site is the appropriate forum for that.  Local communities exist in many, many places and are the best place to go to find a response to a truly abusive situation. 

I find it hard to believe that anyone who has only had online contact with someone has been abused.  Now, if they are being *stalked* that is another matter and I believe that person *should* go to the police, hopefully with the support of their local BDSM group.  Stalking laws were enacted specifically because the activities involved do not seem all that harmful until it is too late.  And as I read in the book The Gift of Fear (which I found very informative), the only way to respond to a stalker, other than going to the authorities, is to STOP talking to them.  Period.  Any contact they have feeds the delusion.

I've talked to plenty of people online that I didn't like, including "Dominants" who resorted to insults and idiocy when I didn't submit to them after five minutes of conversation, or when they figured out that they would not be getting blowjobs from me.  Poor behavior, certainly, but not abuse.  I just put them on ignore and that was that.  And I have never felt the need to bitch about it in my profile.

(in reply to Rushemery)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 1:14:19 PM   
spicybrains


Posts: 35
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

OMG popeye!

I call some of them "the submissives from hell", and of course there are also "Dominants
from hell".
 
I have run into "submissives" that attempt to tell me how to act, think, talk, write, dress and
what to do!

Run popeye! Last one out bring the flag!


"...And I don't like wearing thongs only bikini shorts, yes I like to be spanked but only so hard, we can experiment with that, (Indeed, we CAN "experiment" with that.) and no high heels longer than 4", and no I don't want to wear a maid's uniform except maybe on tuesday nights between 6 and 10....."

"Keep walking, tuesday night's my bowling night!"


HEY!  That was a personal communication!  How dare you expose me like that??

Of course, I haven't claimed to be a submissive in a few years.  But that doesn't mean I don't have plenty of fun!

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 1:25:39 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

The ones I particularly like are the ones where the write states that for some reason or another they will no longer be on cm but they manage to log on several times a day.


Be glad they are outing themselves for the narcissists they are.  Sort of like those who say "I'm blocking you" or "I won't return to this thread."  It's look at me-me-me behavior.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to southerngirl39)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: There are a lot of Angry sub/slaves - 1/6/2008 1:27:07 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		"Dear prospective slave, I have some "requirements" of my own......"

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to spicybrains)
Profile   Post #: 40
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