|
Prinsexx -> RE: A Dominant's efforts during subspace (1/6/2008 1:53:55 PM)
|
Deat mistoferin
i do not 'not' remember any parts of a scene, indeed my recall becomes heightened and will contain various highspots or 'flashbulb' memory oints.
I therefore need to distinguish two distinct aspets of my s0-called sub space: awareness and tolerance. During a scene my awareness is increased and my tolerance towards pain is increased (meaning my sensitivity to pain is decreased). Overall as the years passs and in general my sensitivity to pain is decreasing but pain itself acts like a dug and withdrawal from pain allows for teh return to sensitivity. (Master P. knows this and will decrease the pain he delivers during a scene in order that my tolerance doesn't build which would void its effectiveness. That is if he wants me to feel the pain. There is a side to his sadism that will want me not to feel the pain also, especially when je begins to sense I am enjoying it.
But as to subspace: this can begin for me at the mment that the scene is decided, on my journey to Him or His journey to me. This is when I have o be careful that I can multi-task without making mistakes, such as driving, as what will happen, what might happen, the look in his eyes, the his gestrues, the sound of his voice will all be incresingly pre-occupying me.
There is usually a crscendo to the bdsm part of our togetherness. It is always different and usually not what I would have wanted, but then I am the submissive. Since He has made me his property it has felt that my will has played a lesser and lesser role which both feels secure and unsafe at the same time But that agian is nother thread is it not? But my sybspace is a very intense shift of attention I would say more than awareness (which is heightened). My sub space is actually like an extended peak experience and it is sexual from beginning to end.all of it, regardless of what would be regarded as sexual behaviour from another's view point.
Come down and return to'everyday' space is really really difficlt for me because of the profound difference between the genders (and I do think there is a gender difference for me when we are male D and f S type. It takes hours if not days to come down from a scene and indeed I am both grateful but have to be carful of this. I can stay eroticised for days after and there is the possibility that I could be simply promiscuous as more sex helps to ground me from the s/m activities. In the past, when sex was a safer activity, then I was highly promiscuous and there's no point in my saying that I particularly cared who I sexed with. I didn't.
I am falling out of subspace today. Putting away Christmas decorations and going back to work tomorrow is not helping.
It all equals depression I believe but Master doesn't do after-care that well (but is getting better. I hope he doesn;t feel that he is less of a Master because he was nice last time).
The pain is always the pivotal moment for me and the sene always crystalises itsef around it. Unless I don;t remember that I don't remember then I think that the above is what happens. I have been date-drugged and that I did not remember for many years. I know the difference. PS too sad to check typos so sorry for any.
|
|
|
|
