RE: Grrrrrr....

RE: Grrrrrr.... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

onceburned -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/28/2005 8:16:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherRose Am I the only one experiencing frustration with the male subs here? It seems like pulling teeth just to get some decent information and coversation out of them. We too seem to be having some trouble with conversation. This thread has turned into bear-baiting. [>:] But to answer the original poster, I think three things happen to shut down conversation from the sub. The first is a real fear of saying something 'wrong' that will cause the domme to walk away. The second is that guys' imaginations don't go past the sexual so that they don't know how else to express their interest in D/s. And the third could be a real inability to hold conversations with women - something a lot of guys have problems with.

QueenRah -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/29/2005 5:36:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BostonGuy It is important to be able to evaluate if the individual with whom you are communicating is real or is merely a poser. This is obviously the case for those women here who receive unsolicited e-mails. It is also the case when men, who have a rather misplaced optimism in some cases, see a photo of a stunningly beautiful woman who is seeking a man. Clues to people who are full of crap: 4. A man or woman who will not give a phone number (which indicates a willingness to move to the next level of trust) so that the two of you may make plans to meet is likely either an internet-only individual and will not proceed to anything in real life, is married and truly unavailable, or has in some other way misled the other person. This may already have been addressed, BG, but I have to respond and take exception to this. I don't allow anyone to either IM me or get my phone number, before I have met him. Why? Because I don't want some needy nutjob to have that level of access to me. If I can see that, in a safe, public place, he behaves relatively sanely and respectfully to me as a human being, then, he gets the phone number. Never before. I have and I do, indeed, proceed to many things in WIITWD, in real life. So, if being cautious to avoid a stalker or just a Klingon makes me full of crap, well, so be it. Providing the flip side of the coin ~ QueenRah PS - Beware of absolutists, absolutely.

Misstoyou -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/29/2005 7:22:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: QueenRah quote: ORIGINAL: BostonGuy Clues to people who are full of crap: 4. A man or woman who will not give a phone number (which indicates a willingness to move to the next level of trust) so that the two of you may make plans to meet is likely either an internet-only individual and will not proceed to anything in real life, is married and truly unavailable, or has in some other way misled the other person. This may already have been addressed, BG, but I have to respond and take exception to this. I don't allow anyone to either IM me or get my phone number, before I have met him. Why? Because I don't want some needy nutjob to have that level of access to me. QueenRah I'm even more, um, the word might possibly be paranoid. Only after I've accepted him as mine does a submissive get my number, even though I have his, nice guy or not, multiple real time meetings or not. But then, I've not only lived through having a "real life" stalker, but I've also lived through his pulling a gun on me. So unfair or not, "unreal" or not, excuse the oxymoron but I'm going to stick with being paranoid for my own peace of mind.

sillisub -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/29/2005 7:57:42 PM)
hi there

ModeratorSeven -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/29/2005 8:35:05 PM)
I've removed the messages that contributed to a difference of opinion that turned into a flame war. Let's get back to the topic at hand, shall we? Mod7

sillisub -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/29/2005 8:42:12 PM)
hi there

DommieDearest -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/30/2005 2:04:38 PM)
If it were only You I would be amazed. This is the only message board that got My attention. I am wondering what made the last sub bolt like a whipped puppy...Not during a meeting, rather after a few. So instead of being honest with himself , he was dishonest with Me. All I can say to that is GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!. I too get QUITE annoyed with the insipid.I have not yet had any of My questions go unanswered except the last one. Other than that I am not pleased with all the questioning I get . Oh well... not worth getting frustrated... this is supposed to be fun , right?

LeatherRose -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/30/2005 9:20:23 PM)
As the original poster I was wanting constructive responses. So thanks for stopping the flaming. LeatherRose

sillisub -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 1:27:35 AM)
hi there

lonewolf05 -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 8:55:46 AM)
Finally the best of all... the "its all about me" crowd... Do you suppose these people want more than yes maam, whatever you want maam? ============= THIS is all "I" find so far. my new Ms here is that way. it is all about Her. but then so was my 1st Ms that was a pro for 30 yrs. i wasn't aware there was any other way. wolf

pollux -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 10:56:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherRose As the original poster I was wanting constructive responses. So thanks for stopping the flaming. LeatherRose (Leather Rose: please understand I'm addressing the ladies in general here. If I say "you" I mean the collective "you", not you personally) I see at least 1 thread and 25 posts per day about how unsatisfactory the CollarMe sub males are. I've read endless streams of advice on what these hapless guys should & shouldn't do (none of which ever seems to help the situation for some strange reason). But I never see a single post from the ladies asking themselves why it is they are not attracting the type of partner they desire. Not one. And I'm curious about something else, too. Has a Mistress here ever posted a question in the "Ask A Submissive" forum about what motivates a male sub? About why he identifies himself that way? About what he's searching for? About the qualities he's looking for in a partner? About why he might be reluctant to approach a dominant woman, or why he has trouble communicating? About what makes a sub nervous and want to run away or avoid a real-life meeting? About why a submissive would contact one woman but not another? Now, I haven't been here very long, so maybe there was a phase when that was all explored in great detail. But I kinda doubt it. Most of the women who post here all claim to be interested in making real connections and building real relationships. I'm sure that's true, but it makes me wonder if everyone's head is screwed on straight when I look at the ratio of posts asking honest introspective or empathetic questions like I've described to the number of posts simply complaining about how unsuitable everyone is.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 11:53:51 AM)
Well since you addressing all Dommes, let me answer you from my perspective. quote: ORIGINAL: pollux I see at least 1 thread and 25 posts per day about how unsatisfactory the CollarMe sub males are. I've read endless streams of advice on what these hapless guys should & shouldn't do (none of which ever seems to help the situation for some strange reason). But I never see a single post from the ladies asking themselves why it is they are not attracting the type of partner they desire. Not one. I have actually written many posts about how satisfactory certain submissive males could be. I think I have more good then bad to say. Then again, it's always the bad that stands out. I actually do attract the type of partner I desire. I also attract a bunch of people I don't desire. When I address the issue of the unsatisfactory approach of male subs, it's only to give them insight as to why they might get the door slammed in their face so often. Sometimes it's their approach. Sometimes they just happen to have courted someone who isn't a right fit for them. quote: And I'm curious about something else, too. Has a Mistress here ever posted a question in the "Ask A Submissive" forum about what motivates a male sub? About why he identifies himself that way? About what he's searching for? About the qualities he's looking for in a partner? About why he might be reluctant to approach a dominant woman, or why he has trouble communicating? About what makes a sub nervous and want to run away or avoid a real-life meeting? About why a submissive would contact one woman but not another? Yup! I have. What are the signs/traits of a good Dom/me? . I got great responses too. quote: Now, I haven't been here very long, so maybe there was a phase when that was all explored in great detail. But I kinda doubt it. Most of the women who post here all claim to be interested in making real connections and building real relationships. I'm sure that's true, but it makes me wonder if everyone's head is screwed on straight when I look at the ratio of posts asking honest introspective or empathetic questions like I've described to the number of posts simply complaining about how unsuitable everyone is. Of course not everyone's head is screwed on straight. And not everyone has the same definition of relationship neither. I have to tell you that it's the same in the non-kink world. I had a profile on Lavalife for the longest time. I got messaged by guys who only wanted sex. To them, a wet hole was a wet hole. Then again, three years ago I was messaged by a man who I ended up having an 18 month relationship with, and then a year ago by a man I had an 11 month relationship with. So it works, but people are going to have more strikes then scores. Way more in fact. And the simple reasoning behind this is finding a good match on all levels, that is emotional, sexual, intellectual, political, spiritual and core values is a hard thing to come by. So I think the best advice is buck up and be persistent and make an honest attempt at portraying yourself, what you need and are willing to offer accurately. And most of all, don’t let yourself get jaded by the process. No one wants to date a whiner. (Note that this bit of advice is not directed directly at you Pollux but to the general you). - LA

lonewolf05 -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 12:07:13 PM)
quote: emotional, sexual, intellectual, political, spiritual and core values is a hard thing to come by. LadyAngelika Vicieuse Exquise ============== i never thought i would ever do this, but i will try ONCE. how COMMON is it to seek out all these levels? considering all "I" ever found, including my present circumstance, are those that "its all about me" and i dont mind, really. i am happy with my new Ms. but the levels are not there. "I" have NO emotional..NO political.....NO spiritual....and O/our values are close to same but not 100%. oh and NO sexual. how many lifestyle dommes actually look for all these levels? so far i ONLY have found as i said..all about Me thing. thank You? wolf

piercedpet -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 12:12:51 PM)
not to sound like a whiny subbie, but i read complaints about male subs frequently, and from discussions with many Dommes i am sure much of it is true, i have sent a few e-mails out to Dommes i would like to meet, spent a lot of time writting them following any and all directions from them from their profile and with several response i get just a one sentence (though positive)answer. Doesn't the Sub/slave deserve a bit of courtesy as well? i guess i am a bit old school, in that i still feel submission is a gift that is earned. Yours in submissiion pierced pet.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 12:44:58 PM)
quote: how many lifestyle dommes actually look for all these levels? I have no clue. All I know is that I look for alignment or compatibility on these levels and I often find it. Maybe not on all levels, but on most. At the very least, there needs to be respect for the other's view. There are certain views that differ from mine that I find easier to accept then others. I know others whether they be into WIITWD or not that have these same requirements. As I said in my opening remarks on the post that you quoted from, I speak from my experience and perspective. You speak from the I perspective as well. I think what this indicates is that you and I have had very different experiences and therefore very different perspectives. I hope my answer sheds some light. And thank you for addressing me with respect. It is sincerely appreciated. - LA

AAkasha -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 1:57:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: how many lifestyle dommes actually look for all these levels? I have no clue. All I know is that I look for alignment or compatibility on these levels and I often find it. Maybe not on all levels, but on most. At the very least, there needs to be respect for the other's view. There are certain views that differ from mine that I find easier to accept then others. I know others whether they be into WIITWD or not that have these same requirements. As I said in my opening remarks on the post that you quoted from, I speak from my experience and perspective. You speak from the I perspective as well. I think what this indicates is that you and I have had very different experiences and therefore very different perspectives. I hope my answer sheds some light. And thank you for addressing me with respect. It is sincerely appreciated. - LA When I was enjoying single life in my 20s I clearly went through periods of time where having a "relationship" that clicked on all levels was not a priority. Compatibility, friendship, lust -- those can all make for a fun connection, but it's a whole other ballgame when you talk about connecting on ALL levels -- "emotional, sexual, intellectual, political, spiritual and core values." What type of relationship is that? It's the whole soul mate thing to some, it's marriage for those who seek marriage, it's a lifelong commitment for many. But like a lot of people, eventually I wanted the entire package. Is it off base to say "MOST femdoms seek this"? -- it's a tricker question than it sounds. Just taking it at face value, can't we assume a majority of the population seeks to eventually "couple" vs. those that may seek relationships, but don't have a need for the entire "soul mate/partner" package? How many people do you know (you, meaning anyone reading this) who are single by choice or only in casual relationships after age 35 or 40 or whatever, and they are happy, not lonely, not unfulfilled on some level? Just because I don't know any does not mean there are not any out there. But, I still would have to think this is more rare. Now I don't mean "settling for it." I mean if given the choice to "randomly" bump into their soul mate the next day and being a new life together they would say "Nah, no thanks. I like being alone." But is it more common in BDSM/kink circles for partners to not seek the connections common in "traditional relationships"? I don't know the answer to that one, either. I'd like to hear what other people think. I think I might be assuming more women than not are seeking permanent relationships (eventually) which requires connection on all levels. After all, a great many people assume all married couples desire to have children, and to not have that desire on some level seems like a socially and biologically incomprehensible mindset. Akasha

Kasia -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 2:18:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha But is it more common in BDSM/kink circles for partners to not seek the connections common in "traditional relationships"? I don't know the answer to that one, either. I'd like to hear what other people think. I think I might be assuming more women than not are seeking permanent relationships (eventually) which requires connection on all levels. Reading this forum, I would think that lot of women look for something "traditional" and permanent too. But that would be only assuming. Can say for myself only - I have permanent relationship and am very satisfied with it. I am not polyamorous and cannot share my affection on two, and would not share my man with anyone emotionaly. However, I am polysexual and bisexual. So, I am looking for just ocasional sex meetings, would not mind establishing sort of casual friendship. I would love to have several sextoys/friends of both gender. But certainly nothing too demanding. Call me superficial but I think I am just honestly stating a fact. Have no room for more in my life.

pollux -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 7:50:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aakasha How many people do you know (you, meaning anyone reading this) who are single by choice or only in casual relationships after age 35 or 40 or whatever, and they are happy, not lonely, not unfulfilled on some level? Unfortunately, I don't think relationships are a cure for being lonely or unfulfilled. I'm in the boat you describe (single, 35-40), and I consider myself happy. Do I get lonely or feel unfulfilled? Sometimes, but I've felt those things both in and out of relationships. For me, I'd rather be single and suffer through occasional pangs of loneliness or unfulfillment than be in an overly compromised relationship. It seems to be taking me a while to find a relationship that works in the ways I need it to, so I'm single at 39. That's ok. It takes as long as it takes, and I've learned plenty from the successes & failures along the way. The other thing for me is that I don't believe in this concept of a soulmate, at least not anymore, and the reason I don't is that over time, people change and grow and they don't always change in the same way or at the same rate. So even if at one instant in time you clicked on all these levels it doesn't mean you always will. My emotions, my intellect, my sexuality, my politics, my spirituality are very different from what they were 10, 20 years ago. So, I think it's less important (for me) to find someone who I feel is my soulmate and who clicks on all these levels than it is to find someone who has a similar relationship philosophy, who lets me be me, and where both of us understand each other's needs well enough that we work as good supporting partners for each other. And if one of us is growing and changing, then we see that as a marvel of life, and neither of us is threatened by that. Romantic chemistry is important for me too, but only at the outset. Eventually, I think, if the relationship is working, people tend to grow out of that and it's replaced by something deeper.

pollux -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 7:57:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Yup! I have. What are the signs/traits of a good Dom/me? . I got great responses too. laughs "But enough about subs, let's talk about Dommes."

Misstoyou -> RE: Grrrrrr.... (8/31/2005 10:06:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lonewolf05 so far i ONLY have found as i said..all about Me thing. As far as CollarMe is concerned, I'm an "all about Me" Domme. It's in my profile. That phrase, and an abreviated list of interests, has worked well in discouraging guys from sending me their laundry list of what they want done to them. lol But it did not interfere with finding my sub here. And for this last half year, so far, it being "all about Me" and my emotional, sexual, and intellectual needs has fulfilled my sub's needs as well. Meeting my spiritual needs is a little more than I'm asking for, and we're not quite as in sinc politically, but then, nothing is perfect. [;)]

Page: << < prev 4 5 [6] 7 8 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

3.100586E-02