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when i write to much - 8/24/2005 4:28:46 PM

redmale

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/17/2005
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I just read that Doms are upset becuse sub/slaves do not write enough information to them when they return their e-mails. i never know when to write stuff and when to lay down and be taken over. i never know when i should write what really makes me hard or just be polite and wait for direction. would someone please tell me to lay down and beg or look them in the eye and say Mistress how can i serve. if i say how can i serve they just get upset and tell me to tell more, more what?

< Message edited by redmale -- 8/24/2005 4:30:28 PM >

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RE: when i write to much - 8/24/2005 4:39:12 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Helpful Hint #1: change the "dominant male" description off, unless you are a dominant male! If you are a switch, say so. Also, you might want to fill out some details in your profile.

How often should you write "what makes you hard"? NEVER. If you want to talk about what makes you hard, call a phone sex line.

How can you serve? Do you know what service is? How about displaying that in your letters? Helpful Hint #2: DO NOT MENTION SEXUAL CONTACT. "Oral service" is a sex act. Not too many women, even if they are interested in a relationship, are going to talk about sex with you right off the bat.

I am not sure if you have any vanilla social skills........if not, work on getting some! FEMALE DOMINANTS ARE WOMEN. As women, we expect to be treated respectfully. We expect that the other party will show interest in us as human beings, not as stereotypes. We expect you to carry on a conversation----not wait to be interviewed or interrogated.

There are many threads on this very topic----search around.

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RE: when i write to much - 8/24/2005 5:02:03 PM

toran29

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Joined: 4/3/2005
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All right - probably going to get flamed for this but ... slaves, submissives, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Period. Especially in what would normally be considered the negotiating phase. No, I'm not in the room with a Domme - that would mean that we were both committed to at least that aspect of the relationship - meeting in person. We are using a medium that affords some a good measure of arrogance and politeness - the anonymous Internet.

I'll pose a question: why shouldn't the opening phase of email contact contain as much information about both the Domme and submissive as possible? How easy do you think it is for a submissive to try to anticipate another's reaction (let alone a Domme's reaction, she who will demand control soon after) when the only feedback is by email? My experience has been that many emails go unanswered and that is not right - neither is the barrage of harrassment that I've heard that Dommes have to endure (there are blocking routines to block out particular accounts and I would hope that if there is a real problem, Collarme might intervene and serve notice on the offending ISP addy - at least I would hope so).

But that isn't the issue. My bottom line point is that the real D/s should start after the negotiating phase - as a submissive, I have to give the Domme my trust first. How can I trust someone who I think doesn't give a rat's ass about getting to know me? And if she doesn't want to get to know me ... just say so. A lot of us really aren't jerks. Just submissive. How hard is it to communicate?

Toran

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RE: when i write to much - 8/24/2005 5:22:14 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I am not sure if you have any vanilla social skills........if not, work on getting some! FEMALE DOMINANTS ARE WOMEN. As women, we expect to be treated respectfully. We expect that the other party will show interest in us as human beings, not as stereotypes. We expect you to carry on a conversation----not wait to be interviewed or interrogated.

I certainly agree with LadyHibiscus on this one. The friends I have met online and relationships I have built all started with just regular "vanilla" chat and email. That is how I relate to people initially and what I consider to be the foundation for lasting relationships. The D/s and BDSM stuff will naturally come up once a connection is made.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: when i write to much - 8/24/2005 5:39:15 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: toran29

All right - probably going to get flamed for this but ... slaves, submissives, everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
My bottom line point is that the real D/s should start after the negotiating phase - as a submissive, I have to give the Domme my trust first. How can I trust someone who I think doesn't give a rat's ass about getting to know me? And if she doesn't want to get to know me ... just say so. A lot of us really aren't jerks. Just submissive. How hard is it to communicate?

Toran

EXACTLY!! I am a dominant, but I am not the dominant of every submissive in the universe. A person who says "oh, I want to submit to you, I will do anything" before they have even MET me is only showing that he has no respect for himself, for me, or for submission in general.

Real life is not a scene 24/7. At some point---at MOST points----dom and sub have to interact in a vanilla fashion. What better point to start that than at the outset, when the playing field is open?

< Message edited by LadyHibiscus -- 8/24/2005 6:42:23 PM >

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RE: when i write to much - 8/24/2005 5:40:02 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
How often should you write "what makes you hard"? NEVER. If you want to talk about what makes you hard, call a phone sex line.

How can you serve? Do you know what service is? How about displaying that in your letters? Helpful Hint #2: DO NOT MENTION SEXUAL CONTACT. "Oral service" is a sex act. Not too many women, even if they are interested in a relationship, are going to talk about sex with you right off the bat.

I am not sure if you have any vanilla social skills........if not, work on getting some! FEMALE DOMINANTS ARE WOMEN. As women, we expect to be treated respectfully. We expect that the other party will show interest in us as human beings, not as stereotypes. We expect you to carry on a conversation----not wait to be interviewed or interrogated.

Nough said! M

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RE: when i write to much - 8/24/2005 6:32:32 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: redmale
i never know when to write stuff and when to lay down and be taken over.

Redmale, the time to lay down and be taken over is when she tells you to do just that, and only then. Until that time you need to communicate with her.

I think you might benefit from reading How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last. Laura Goodwin lays it out plainly - passivity will not get you anywhere.

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RE: when i write to much - 8/24/2005 6:45:33 PM

RosaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

quote:

ORIGINAL: redmale
i never know when to write stuff and when to lay down and be taken over.

Redmale, the time to lay down and be taken over is when she tells you to do just that, and only then. Until that time you need to communicate with her.

I think you might benefit from reading How Nice Guys Can Stop Finishing Last. Laura Goodwin lays it out plainly - passivity will not get you anywhere.

Amen!

(in reply to onceburned)

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Typical - 9/1/2005 10:01:34 PM

Zensee

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Joined: 9/4/2004
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So this guy whinges about hard to please Dommes, gets all sorts of great advice but does NOT even take the simplest piece of that advice, to change his profile from Dom to sub.

redmale, whatever credibility you might have hoped to gain by asking this question has been totally squandered by not even thanking those generous Ladies who gave you the time of day.

Any other male subs reading this, take note and try to learn from this players mistakes.

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