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Newbie here with a question - 1/7/2008 10:34:20 PM

Braveonewa

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/6/2008
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Hey all,

I's sure this is old problem, but I'd like to have some feedback. I am a Dom and have little problem going on dates, but so many times they cannot handle my sexuality. I mean several girls didnt even know what a facial was. :(

I guess my question is, should I not try to date "vanilla" women at all now and just go on sites like these or to BDSM groups and such. It seems like could really limit the dating pool.

All feedback is welcome.

< Message edited by Braveonewa -- 1/7/2008 10:35:30 PM >

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/7/2008 11:07:35 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
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You mean girls you only dated once didn't feel like letting you spooge on their faces, with absolutely no reciprocal fun for them? Gee, what a surprise.

(in reply to Braveonewa)

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/8/2008 6:43:39 AM

SeraphimsPhoto

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Hey Braveonewa,

Maybe your giving too much information too soon? While your sexuality might be a part of your life, it shouldn't be your defining characteristic. Vanilla people have to be brought up to speed slowly. Throwing the enema bag at the on the first or second date will only get you a date running and screaming in the other direction.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/8/2008 6:48:40 AM

KyttynTheMynx

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

Call me crazy, but did ya think that maybe keeping your dick and what it likes outta the equation for a little longer, might get the ladies to stick around? Me personally, if you were to start talking about what you like sexually before the first, third, or fith date is over, I'm gonna be snarky and tell ya that I get turned on watching a mans nuts pop like a grape, and leave you at the table with the bill while I cackle wildly off into the night.

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(in reply to SeraphimsPhoto)

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/8/2008 8:03:32 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
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Braveone,
Over the years, the most effective way myself, and other experienced Dominants I know, have found to initate a vanilla person to this lifestyle is to open a discussion about "their" sexual fantasies. However, I wouldn't suggest this subject be broached until the relationship has at least advanced into sexual activities with your partner and done with the "intent" of helping them fulfill "their" desires and fantasies. If they disclose anything such as a rape fantasy, or being tied up and/or spanked (very common ones for women), then you can help them fulfill this in a SSC manner and, if all goes well, then disclose a "little" more about what you might like to try and getting their feedback on it would be in order.
When someone is new to all of this it is quite effective to "give them the reins" to guide the speed, intensity, and areas of interest, at first. And, no, it doesn't mean you are giving up your Dominance. It means you are a mature and responsible enough of a Dominant to understand someone else's need to build trust and intimacy and to make their brave steps into this arena a pleasant experience and not just worry about your own needs.
There are many who have no interest in this lifestyle, or kinky fantasies, whatsoever. So, broaching the subject should be handled with care and relinquished immediately should you see the first signs of adversity. Hope that helps.
In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus

(in reply to Braveonewa)

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/8/2008 9:27:15 AM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
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I agree with MistressVnus. Many people have more then vanilla desires inside and you have to get them on the right path to talk about their fantasies. My last experience with leading a vanilla to be tied up was with a woman who with a bit of coaxing admitted to a rape fantasy. From there we talked about it and I explained, that I could roleplay it out, but could never actually rape anyone. As things progressed, one night on my way over I called her and told her where I wanted her, how I wanted her dressed, and which way to be facing, her eyes closed and I hung up the phone. When I got there she had followed all my directions. If I had rushed it, I would have found the door locked or bullets flying in my direction.

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/8/2008 11:29:17 AM

Arrrchibald

Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
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Even the most extreme submissives might not want to talk about BDSM at all on a first date.

So any BDSM sites probably won't be much of an improvement over the vanilla pool.

(in reply to Braveonewa)

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/8/2008 6:24:09 PM

Braveonewa

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/6/2008
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Forgive me, I wasn't very clear with my post. I often do not bring up the whole deal on the first date. I have tried to bring some around slowly, but IMO they either have it in them or dont.

I have had 2 LTR and neither had a problem with my sexuality. Is that going to be the only way to have a sex life I truly enjoy though? Will it always require a LTR?

Thanks for all the feedback, except for Naja...I don't take a date immediately to my home and try to facial them sweetheart; I'm not an idiot or pervert.

(in reply to Arrrchibald)

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RE: Newbie here with a question - 1/8/2008 7:13:33 PM

Bamslilgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 12/18/2007
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All I can offer here is........break the news about your sexuality slowly. If a man were to just bust out with the fact that he wants to spunk all over my face all of a sudden-I'd bitch slap him! LOL Good luck!!

(in reply to Braveonewa)

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