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AAkasha -> RE: Further thoughts on flattery vs. objectification (1/8/2008 10:29:47 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I haven't posted the question yet, but if/when I did, I believe male submissives or male dominants would find this situation, in reverse, to be exciting and flattering. Not all, but more than women. I have a few thoughts regarding the psychology of this but I'm still exploring it. I'm also trying to sort through my own feelings of flattery vs. objectification regarding the way submissive men view dominant women, because I think an adjustment of thinking (on the part of femdoms) may be best for both, but I am not sure.
One of my early male models had a rather extreme exhibitionism fetish, and participated in a web forum for men who had a fetish for "flashing"--public nudity and arousal, usually as a form of victimization of unwilling women, often women who were specifically selected to be of an "attractive victim" category.
Reading through those forums and fantasies was very enlightening for me, and helped me understand a great many things about modern male sexual psychology. It wasn't fun, though. And it definitely put me off "flashers" for the rest of my life.
I have no idea whether this underlying dynamic between men and women can be changed, but fundamentally the issue right now is that in the course of a lifetime, men simply do not need to say "no" to sex or sexual overtures often enough. Our culture has not opened a large enough space for females to objectify men in ways that genuinely hurt, humiliate and victimize them nonconsensually, for example, for all men to have developed the need to exercise the power of "no" as a means of asserting their humanity and their freedom to choose their own partners, and reject others.
If women constantly raped and blackmailed men for sex, used them as objects of pleasure without caring about their physical and emotional needs, or simply "got theirs" and walked away from the majority of casual sexual encounters without giving a male partner an orgasm?
I think men in this society would think very differently about sex.
As it stands, when and how a man forces his arousal on a woman--even in the cases where he just makes her see him naked when she did not choose to look--is very much an issue of dominance and control. When and how she has to deal with his fluids is also an issue of dominance and control--as in the cases where he masturbates on her back while she is engrossed in her studies at the library, triumphantly leaving semen on her clothes without her noticing and sneaking away afterward in an ecstasy because he successfully circumvented her power of choice.
As a femme domme, I insist on having the power of "no". It is an absolute. And some women exercise that power in ways that are even more extreme--as in chastity training.
Male dominants like to control female orgasm and masturbation as well, of course, but if we lived in a society where a woman masturbating was sometimes a form of assault in and of itself, or a precursor to assault? I'd bet that Daddy would be REAL unamused to have his "potentials" fingering themselves without permission during the first telephone call. [;)]
This is extremely thought-provoking and the kind of dialogue I had hope to get started. I don't know how I feel about all of this. It's a much deeper issue and question. I would be interested to hear your perspective on whether or not it is appopriate (when it happens) for a man, on the other hand, to feel happy/excited/flattered when a woman would be masturbating while talking to him on the phone, if you completed switched the scenario. Not all men, but I would guess a lot more men than women would find this extremely exciting on one end, or at least "kind of flattering" on the other end - but "totally angry and disgusted" would be a little more rare.
But further to this discussion is how that ties into power exchange anyway. Is it inappropriate, and unfair to women, to use sexuality to control men? (in your opinion). Is a woman who is being sexy and using her sexuality, because she knows men respond to it, wrong for using tools of seduction to motivate a man to give her what she wants (attention, sex, money, whatever her agenda)? Or, is it empowering? Keep in mind that 'using your sexuality" as a woman doesn't have to be extreme - I am also talking about very subtle things, even things a woman may do but not even be aware of, because it's part of the process of courting.
In other words, I think I am kind of getting at (this is half baked) -- if we state that we are offended or don't like the manner in which men, often just based on their sexual wiring, respond to women sexually and sometimes objectify them (hell, even if they are just looking at them from across the way at a restaurant and fantasizing or masturbating to her image later -- how about cumming on her picture that he pulled from a magazine?) -- are we (women) wrong then to expect to exert any power of seduction or use their sexual desires as a tool for our own pleasure?
Akasha
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