angelicslaveMDF
Posts: 43
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
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i first found out about the lifestyle about 9 years ago at the age of 24. i delved into it online only but wasnt able to pursue it real time until 3 years ago at the age of 30. i was introduced to CM by a friend who i had no idea was in the lifestyle so i joined and have been on for almost 3 years now. my friend and i were involved for a short time and also learned some things from Him. i do tend to read a lot, so upon reading and because of annoying Doms/Masters i categorized myself as a Switch. i tried to play that part to the best of my ability, at one point even owning a slave online. i did my best for him and took my ownership of him very seriously. (having a bit of experience in my opinion, i see many getting involved online and find that for one or the other it is usually just playing for them.) yet i continued my search on CM for someone who i desired to get along with and make a connection with to get the fufillment that i searched for to take care of my own submissive side. i happened upon a room, Daddys_and_Girls to which i entered. i felt right at home and after doing a little research on what a Daddy/babygirl relationship really was (because i did make the assumption it was kind of a taboo idea), that i felt that was something i wanted to pursue. i did many a friends in the rooms and then eventually did find one that i did have a connection with. it started as a ldr (long distance relationship) which we did make plans to meet at some point, yet we continued getting to know one another via computer and the telephone. i still have my own slave to worry about as well. i did feel i was putting on a charade of sorts because i had never felt very dominant and to play a role like that in someone's life was a bit hard for me at times. i was honest with him about it, yet he was very encouraging and patient with me. i spent time with this Daddy in hopes of maybe finding something r/t and permanent. things didnt however work out in that way and so He ended it with me. i was a bit saddened and turned to a friend that i had at that time. as hard as it may be for some to believe this was a friend who i had known longer than this Other, yet not once had we ever flirted or gone past anything other than chatting and listening to one another. He had always respected my relationship with this Other one and never crossed the line. after speaking with Him and telling Him what had transpired with the Other, after 2 weeks of chatting with my friend, He made a leap and told me that He had feelings for me and if i felt the same He would like to try to persue a relationship, to which i agreed. it did move quicker than even i would recommend to anyone else, but things just flowed. He came to visit and ended up staying permanently. one thing i know we had going for us was our ability to communicate and be totally open and honest with each other. as well as the fact that we were only friends for almost a year before anything intimate happened between us. He did come knowing that i considered myself a switch and He was fine with that. i realized and have learned many a thing from Him. learning that this lifestyle is just that - a lifestyle that you can mold to your life. there is no absolutes. the "protocols" and such are more of a guideline of how things can be. i realized that i had to be honest with myself as well and so i did release my slave (we left on good terms), realizing that i wanted to pursue my life as a submissive. there was a point of conversation Him and i had before He came of that i could never consider myself a slave (see a previous post of mine). i have learned thing can change and the more you dont want them to the more they will. over the next 6 months together, He recollared me as His slave. i had dual traits inside of me, one being a babygirl and secondly being a slave to Him. we will get married soon and so that will add another trait to me of being His wife. we have had lengthy discussions on this because at times i have found myself confused. knowing what i know of the lifestyle and vanilla as well, that being His wife i am equal to Him in that respect. i can have ideas and make decisions and share my opinions at any point. Being a babygirl (submissive) i have certain guidelines to follow as well in where i have given Him the control of many of the decisions and that i can share my ideas and opinions with Him but yet giving Him the control to do what He deems necessary and proper for our family. Yet another side i am His slave, wherein i have ideas and opinions, yet i will ask for permission to share them, but i will not make any decisions without His expressed permission. He will have the final say in anything. there is where the confusion comes in for me at times is where i may be behaving under one persona or the other and confusing my behaviors towards my Master/Daddy/Husband. has anyone else had this type of relationship to where you are more than one persona towards your Dom/Master/Daddy/Husband and how do you deal with it as to not cause confusion with each other? have you been forced to choose one or the other? (moreso babygirl/submissive or a slave?)
i know this has been a longwinded way to get to the question, but i am curious about input with having more details to go on. Thank you for your patience and hope you get through it all.
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*thats my opinion and Master says i am entitled to it.*
angelicslaveMDF
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