|
ElanSubdued -> RE: Need your opinion (1/8/2008 1:24:24 PM)
|
Saltwatergirl,
Undergroundsea and pixelslave gave relationship advice that resonates. DarchChylde, MsCfromMelbourne, Lashra, and LadyHibiscus brought up safety issues that also immediately connected. Oddly enough though, whore name-calling aside, SailingBum's comments most hit the nail on the head for me. Were I in the position of your would-be slave and you attempted to redirect my travel/hotel offer to your own pocketbook, I'd be insulted. Calling you a "whore" isn't my style, but it is likely I'd stop courting you. Perhaps I might give you a chance to explain yourself, however, after the length of time you two have been communicating, I don't think so. You're attempt to bill me would send a clear signal you're not interested in me as a long-term relationship partner.
I agree with the advice everyone gave vis-a-vis safety. Seemingly though, this isn't the crux of the matter. Your OP leads me to believe you two have differing agendas. It is also possible that you've simply not figured out what you want from this slave. Your profile isn't quite clear about whether you're looking for a long-term relationship, but it reads as though you are. Based on the visit you already had, you may already know the chemistry isn't right for something long-term. Thus, with no long-term potential, I can see why you'd want to be compensated for your time and expenses. From what you've said, the slave isn't of the mindset that your second meeting is a "pay for training" arrangement. It's more likely the slave thinks that meeting again is a second chance at courting and romance. This is the incongruence I see in your own mindset and in your plan. Keep in mind that romantic partners generally don't bill one another because: (1) each person's time is as valuable as the other, and (2) donating time and resources is part of how you communicate romantic and/or long-term interest.
All of this said, before continuing, I think it advisable to examine your feelings. If you think the slave has long-term potential (or at least want to meet a second time to clarify your feelings), share expenses equally or as you're both able. I would not charge for my time (even if I had to book time away from work). Flipping this around, if you don't feel there is long-term compatibility, don't put yourself in this position. With differing agendas, meeting again is likely to be worse than the first time. There is nothing wrong with asking for money in exchange for training, but this isn't the premise under which you two have been communicating. If you decide to train for money, I'd start fresh with someone else and be clear about this up front.
About meeting in your home. I've had first (and second) meetings at my home and at domme's homes. This has never been a problem, however, I don't do this casually. Before meeting, I spend a lot of time getting to know someone through email, postal letters, telephone, and (where possible) web camera. Still, even if the plan is to meet at one of our home's, I prefer to meet in public first, such as at a restaurant or coffee shop. If the chemistry feels okay on public ground, I'll proceed to the at-home meeting. I also ask friends to call me and let the woman I'm meeting know that people will be calling to check my safety.
It is as dangerous to meet at someone else's home as it is your own. When you're on someone else's turf, they have the advantage. Thus, I like to see a reasonable degree of caution from a person who is coming to my home for a first meeting. This tells me they value themselves and are thinking rationally. However, note my use of the word "reasonable". This is key. If I get the feeling someone doesn't trust me and I've given them every reason to trust me, this is a warning sign. It's a careful balance for which there is no scientific recipe. Each partner must use their gut feelings and instincts.
So now we get to what I think is the fundamental issue here - gut feelings and instinct. Only you know how you feel about this man and perhaps, as I alluded above, you're in a state of flux about him. Ultimately, my advice is that you follow your gut feelings. It really isn't a good idea to invite someone to your home who you don't feel comfortable with. Likewise, if you're considering a second meeting worthwhile on the basis of making money or breaking even, I think you already have your answer. I'm all for giving people second chances, but not when my instincts are screaming "no".
One option, if you feel stuck in a quandary, is to communicate exactly what you've written here. Ask the slave to give feedback on your feelings: "I am starting to think you're just looking for a sex partner to dominate you rather than a real Mistress/slave relationship; I'm not willing to take on a slave who is only interested in indulging his pleasures at my expense/efforts". Define what you mean by "real Mistress/slave relationship". Getting the slave's feedback here will perhaps shed some light. Also, evaluate what your feelings are regarding: "he has visited me once and things did not go that well". What didn't go well? Can these things be rectified? Do you want to make this type of investment in this person? I'm sure you'll find answers here too.
The short of all this is:
1.) If you choose to meet at your home, I don't think you should ask for any fees.
2.) Only you can determine whether it is a good idea to meet again and if so, where. Trust your feelings Luke. The Force is strong in you. :-)
Good luck Saltwatergirl,
Elan.
|
|
|
|
