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gorgeous1 -> RE: The New Wave????? (1/9/2008 12:32:08 PM)
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I still just don't understand what is so offensive to Tops when a bottom pre-negotiates what it is they don't want and what they do want, what they will do and what they will not do. It doesn't mean this won't change over time, but you have to have some sort of common ground before you invest time into a relationship, or, even if you just want a good casual fuck, determining if it's worth risking exposure to disease.
D/s relationships are all so different and unevenly matched kinks lead to disappointment for all. Why would a Top waste his or her time trying to negotiate a scene where they want an enema involved with a bottom that won't do it? If a married couple is looking for a third party submissive to occasionally play with them, but have no desire to have an emotional attachment, shouldn't they ask the potential third person what they hope to get out of their time spent with them, and don't they OWE it to the submissive to tell them upfront that there will be no "relationship" involved?
Communication is one of the essential parts of a D/s dynamic, be it casual or long-term. Aren't we all in this for pleasure? We're all giving part of ourselves in order to receive something from the other. A Dominant wants the submission, and a submissive wants domination, and how to exchange that requires negotiation.
If a Dominant wants to cut out the back-and-forth exchange of pre-negotiation, then by all means, be more specific on your profiles and discuss in detail what sorts of things you're looking for in regards to things that are outside the basics, i.e., flogging, asking for permission to cum, kneeling, etc., and if what your end game is is that you want to pierce her nipples with needles...SAY IT. You might scare off half the women out there, but you just might get the right woman nice and wet thinking about all the things you want to do! You'll get a message in your inbox saying, "I adore needle play and would love to hear more about what you would do to me if we were together!" See? Doesn't that sound nice and submissive?
I just see too many profiles out there that are too vague to get any sort of handle on what type of Dominant they are. The bad ones go something like this, "I'm looking for a very submissive woman who will serve my every desire. If you are not real, don't bother contacting me. I'm safe, sane, and disease free."
Well, what are your desires? How are submissives supposed to read your mind? Do you desire that she blow you and swallow your load? Or is it that your desire is she be able to handle a tight rope suspension? Is it your desire that she accompany you to your friend's house to be fucked by everyone there? What do you want?
On the other hand, I have seen some very detailed and vivid profiles that describe in delicious detail an intense scene that they would like to enact. It leaves little to the imagination, and some of them scare me because it's not what I'm into, and some of them are incredibly hot, and I have shared their ideas with my husband and said, "Do you think it would be fun to try that?"
Hmmm... I suppose some of you might think I'm topping from the bottom just because I have the audacity to tell my Master that I read about a particular thing and want to try it. Whatever, is all I can say, because after playing for almost 11 years, I believe firmly that it takes both sides of the power exchange to keep the relationship fresh and new and fun and exciting. We work together to make our fantasies a reality. Master knows my current limits, and which ones he can push and when, because we've talked about it in advance. It doesn't mean those limits will be tested tomorrow- I have no idea when they will be- all I know is to be prepared to submit when the time comes, and to this day, this pre-negotiation has worked for us, because I have never had to use my safeword and we have both enjoyed out new experiences immensely.
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