JDEmpath
Posts: 34
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline
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For what it is worth...
I started in BDSM at a young age, before the web and back when the "Scene" was just starting to gain a bit of mainstream acceptance. In order to participate in the scene, you really had to go out and try to meet people the old-fashioned way. I was a member of TES back then and it was a vast bastion of support and knowledge. I made some stupid mistakes, learned a lot, met some great people, met some assholes, got my feet wet, and eventually began to discover myself in the scene. The overriding principle at the time was that those experiences all required "being there" and interacting with people. This is essential in that it allows (and requires) you to get a feel for the interaction with people, and provides all of the sensory information that we have come to need subconsciously when we decide on who we might choose to spend our time with, or who to avoid.
A lot has changed since then, and I am no longer active in TES (or even live in NYC). I think the biggest change is the fact that the web has made it possible to communicate without actually "being there". This can be both a positive and a negative in that it enables us to have a larger overall community, but it also allows those who might pretend to be something that they are not (who would clearly be recognized in real life).
So given that background I would suggest these things (from my own standpoint, and having my obvious bias):
- An experienced Dom is going to have patience. I believe that anyone who has been doing this for a while and also has had more than simply casual play is going to be fully aware of the seriousness of embarking on a relationship. It is never all fantasy, and it is important to put aside lonely longings and cravings in order to realize that we are both REAL PEOPLE, with real feelings and we need to know a great deal about each other before going too far in this thing. I believe an experienced Dom is not only willing to go slowly at first, He ought to require it!
- An experienced Dom is going to be careful! The more scenes we do, the more chances there are for something to go wrong. An experienced Dom knows this and tries to prepare for the unexpected. He should have a back-up plan for potential problems, and should have some knowledge of how to deal with problems should they occur. Some good examples are carrying EMS shears, having some books on human anatomy, basic knowledge of physiology (especially as relating to things like oxygen deprivation and electricity, as well as the location and sensitivity of specific nerves prone to damage from bondage). Another, and perhaps most important, aspect of this carefulness is he should start small! No diving right into edge play! He needs to find out exactly how you respond to the small stuff before building toward the big stuff, one step at a time. If he cares about you at all, he ought to insist on playing "careful", at least until you both know each other well enough to take it to the "edge".
- An experienced Dom will want to learn and grow. If he insists that he has reached the point of being an expert, and has no more to learn from you or anyone, then how will you know that that closed-mindedness doesn't spill over into other parts of life? Indeed possibly all of life.
I do not recommend that you interrogate potential Doms as to whether they fit any of these criteria (or any other, for that matter, since these are just mine). You should be able to tell just from what a person talks about, without giving them the third degree. In fact, if a potential slave were to simply interrogate me on my suitability to her, I might just conclude that she lacked patience, since she would find these things out in time simply from chatting with me (or talking). A petulant, impatient and demanding slave is no slave at all.
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RE: Finding a Dom/Master? hints and tips PLEASE? - 
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