First Exploration of Dominant Side

First Exploration of Dominant Side (Full Version)

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ruhdwulf -> First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/25/2005 12:45:50 PM)
Well, where to begin... Are those newly exploring this side a bit shunned? That is, is it difficult to find a sub> Seems like everyone wants what they call "experience." But our life is our experience... and every moment of it is new. I do know that I want to own, to possess someone fully. All that said, I am married. I'm in a relationship with someone who is ill (BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder) and my sense of responsibility toward that the peson and dealing with the illness is such that I do not feel I would be upholding what I should do if I were to simply leave. What kind of dominant could I be if I could so blithely ignore where I was needed? Yet, this is certainly a barrier to finding a successful relationship with a submissive. My s/o is completely unaware of this side of me and would be extremely unreceptive. Basically, it means that the submissive would have to take the role of "pet". Someone used and enjoyed, but in a very specific role... and used in very specific ways. Does any of this make sense? Or am I just rambling here? Advice and insights are welcome. R

nenakajira -> RE: First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/25/2005 1:15:05 PM)
Part of the problem might be that alot of subs and slaves are not okay with being a secret "other woman" because they wouldnt want their man to do that to them. Its basic respect that you dont do that to some other woman. Especially anyone whos ever been cheated on... it feels wrong to take on that role.

ruhdwulf -> RE: First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/25/2005 1:27:08 PM)
Yes. I can completely understand that. At the same time, I have to live with where I am and what I see as what "is." I suspect that, under these circumstances, it will be very difficult to attract anyone's notice in a significant way. But difficult does not mean impossible. I suppose I'll just be patient and if it's not to be, then it's not to be. I have lived within myself all this time. I can continue that way. Thank you for your response nenakajira. R

krys -> RE: First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/25/2005 3:32:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruhdwulf Well, where to begin... Are those newly exploring this side a bit shunned? That is, is it difficult to find a sub> Seems like everyone wants what they call "experience." But our life is our experience... and every moment of it is new. Well the only insight I can offer is on the subject of trust. To submit is to put yourself in a vulnerable position. From a physical perspective, submitting to someone that does not have the base background knowledge to avoid injury may be extremely offputting. To add to that, from an emotional perspectiove, you are starting from a position of already being dishonest with your S/O. Many women, thinking "If he is lying to her, why would I be any different" would not be interested in being next in line. Finding someone who's wants and desires compliment your own is always difficult. It may not be a quick process, but things worthwhile seldom are. krys{Rk}

ruhdwulf -> RE: First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/25/2005 6:27:49 PM)
Thank you krys. I would never say that I am a person in easy circumstances. And it is very true, anything worthwhile is worth waiting for. I acknowledged all of your points going in and it still is worth pursuing. I think too that it would be difficult for anyone who has not lived with a BPD person to understand the situation. Think of BPD as the "best" of Bi-Polar and Paranoid Schizophrenia. And, yes, I'ved asked myself that question. Why stay? And gotten back the answer from within myself. Thanks again. Your words are much appreciated. R.

ruhdwulf -> RE: First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/25/2005 6:41:57 PM)
The posting in the forum has at least produced some messages to my mail that indicate that this is possible... that it can turn out well.... but that, as krys said, it takes time. Lots of time. For whatever reason, there are subs that have vanilla lives and spouses that they cannot abandon... yet, they have another side that needs expression. So, I'll have to be patient until that person comes along. In the meantime, there's a lot to learn here and some very nice and helpful people. I thank you all for your indulgence. ruhdwulf ^..^

Zenar -> RE: First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/26/2005 8:30:14 PM)
I am in a different but similar possision in the I am married, but my wife knows my interests and she encourages me to find a good slave, perhaps to even share a slave between us, but I regress. What I would best suggest is to accept that you wont find what you are looking for over night and yet you will have that deep rooted hunger. Learn to feed upon that hunger in other ways, like reading these posts, reading more about the lifestyle, look to see if there are munches in your community. Simply enjoy the more simple things of learning about all this and learning about your self, and hopefully along the way we will find what we are looking for.

sultryvoice -> RE: First Exploration of Dominant Side (8/26/2005 9:00:07 PM)
I have to express an opinion here..It might not sound nice but then, I don't think cheating is a "nice" subject. This lifestyle is hard enough on single folks trying to find someone and then put those with an SO, and there is kaos. Unless you are in a poly relationship where everyone consents, then call it what it is, cheating! I so resent being contacted by a married man. I state in my profile I don't want contact with an "attached" man. I have enough integrity to be number 1 in a mans life..I am not poly. I am calling it like I see it..You took the vows all on your own...don't make matters worse, live up to what those vows mean.. I apologise for what seems to have become a rant..It upsets me so when a man/woman cheats on his/her so. Either don't get married or just get a divorce... Respectfully, sultry

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