Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco???

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Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/10/2008 7:59:15 AM

AlterEgo69

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline

I am tentatively planning a personal move from Florida to San Francisco in April or May. One of the reasons for the move is that I've always thought of San Francisco as a hotbed of BDSM activity. When I lived there for 6 years in the 90s, I hadn't yet discovered my dominant sexuality so I never got close to the "scene", but it seemed to be very prominent there. That's a big part of why I want to move back, now that I know that what I thirst for is a serious, long-term D/s relationship.

So now that I'm close to actually moving, I set up this alternative profile on Collarme (my usual username is New2NYC69), advertising a San Francisco address. And I started searching for subs that met my criteria. I was shocked to only find a half dozen or so in the bay area that met my search criteria. L.A. had a much larger population of compatible subs, which shocked me - I always thought of SF as "the place".

Next I went to one of the other "ABC sites" and did a search there, finding only 4 total matches for my search criteria with SF zip codes. Here in Florida there are pages and pages.

The gay scene is alive and more than well - I got bombarded with interest from gay men within hours of putting my profile up, despite my clearly advertised orientation. I'm totally straight so while the attention from the boys is flattering, it doesn't help me.

I'm panicking now - I thought I was moving to SF in part because it would be a much better place find my ideal intellectually stimulating submissive partner. Now it's starting to look like a much worse place to find that girl. Am I on the wrong web site for straight guys or something??? (I only know about the "ABC sites", which are the east coast standard)

Confused,

A.E.

Post #: 1

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/10/2008 10:06:51 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

I once knew a very attractive and intelligent submissive girl from S.F. All the time I knew her she did not have a dom from S.F. New York, Baltimore...other cities in Cali, but nothing in San Fran.

Not sure what that means, but if I were going to move to find a submissive, I might pick the gal before I picked the city.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 2

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/10/2008 10:21:23 AM

beargonewild

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69

....Am I on the wrong web site for straight guys or something??? (I only know about the "ABC sites", which are the east coast standard)

Confused,

A.E.

To set your mind at ease, this website still has more staright men then us gay men!

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(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 3

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/10/2008 10:35:38 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69

I am tentatively planning a personal move from Florida to San Francisco in April or May. One of the reasons for the move is that I've always thought of San Francisco as a hotbed of BDSM activity. When I lived there for 6 years in the 90s, I hadn't yet discovered my dominant sexuality so I never got close to the "scene", but it seemed to be very prominent there. That's a big part of why I want to move back, now that I know that what I thirst for is a serious, long-term D/s relationship.

Confused,

A.E.

SF has a huge scene, but very few live in the actual city. It's just too expensive. Try using zips from the surrounding areas and see if that improves your odds. Try San Jose, Oakland, Alameda, Hayward, Daily City, Redwood City, Fremont, Mt. View, Sunnyvale and Santa Clara zip codes for a start because they are all within a short (less than an hour) driving time to SF proper.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 4

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/10/2008 10:40:47 AM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

SF has a huge scene, but very few live in the actual city. It's just too expensive. Try using zips from the surrounding areas and see if that improves your odds. Try San Jose, Oakland, Alameda, Hayward, Daily City, Redwood City, Fremont, Mt. View, Sunnyvale and Santa Clara zip codes for a start because they are all within a short (less than an hour) driving time to SF proper.

Celeste

I was just going to say the same thing. In fact, I found a wonderful little lingerie shop in Redwood City that had real, well made corsets. I was quite suprised!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 5

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/10/2008 10:46:03 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

SF does have a huge scene. And while there are many gay people at parties and such, they do have straight people too. Whoever said there were not that many straight male doms in SF is mostly right, but I find it goes well beyond SF, the northstate in general seems to lack straight male doms. If you are in SF, you might find single subs in the surrounding areas. Not everyone is in to the club scene but the other venues.. the classes and fetish flea markets do get quite a lot of people of all orientations.
<g> But.. I might point out that Sacramento is less than 2 hrs from the bay.. and we who are inland wouldn't mind seeing another dom in town.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/15/2008 10:39:30 PM

AlterEgo69

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline

Any advice on clubs, classes, or other activities to check out on my next visit to the City? I'll be there next week on a house-hunting mission...

Thanks,

AE

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 7

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/15/2008 10:51:31 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

I'd start with soj.org (Society of Janus). They are the second oldest group in the country after TES and have very good resources. There are several munch groups, clubs etc and they can probably point you in the right direction.

Here's a link to their events calendar to get you started.

http://www.soj.org/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/janus/Calcium39.pl?Op=ShowIt&CalendarName=Janus

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 8

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 12:03:41 AM

realtuffdom

Posts: 108
Joined: 7/16/2007
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Part of San Francisco's "scene" involves joining one group that then links you into another. Before you know it, you're a member of several organizations that do multiple different things. Some other communities tend to have one overarching organization and then you try to become part of that. San Francisco is a lot more diversified and collective in nature. This is why you can attend a male top party one weekend, a femdom outing the next and then a poly up for grabs spanking party the next, and still manage to see a lot of the same people at multiple venues.

_____________________________

Always, Ram Ford Tough....

I have lots and lots of experience at domination. Now I'd just like to try it with a partner....

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 9

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 12:15:09 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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Gah, and I was hoping to see a post about how you're so tough that the subs flock to you, forming the events; that the other, less dom's just follow the sub's as all of them beg nude on the cold, wet earth to be in your Excel spreadsheet, all the females offering pictures of their pussy's to prove their submissivesness to your Ford Tough Domlyness.

Remind me to make an account to evil-twin you sometime.

(in reply to realtuffdom)

Post #: 10

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 5:54:44 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Keep in mind that San Francisco has a very developed public transportation system (Bay Area Rapid Transit or BART) that makes getting around pretty easy. So even many of the suburbs that wouldn't typically be considered convenient to drive to are relatively easily accessible.

I stayed downtown on my last several visits to the area, but had no problem getting to places like the El Cerrito munch (which, judging by the couples and conversation, seemed to be primarily heterosexual in composition) via BART. Once you begin attending one munch, you can network to learn about the various other groups/events and their general composition.

John

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(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 11

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 7:00:31 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

SF has such a massive scene (both het and gay) that they don't play much online, certainly not on CM. Try www.tribe.net and search for edges, sfbay-bdsm, and master's den. Join those and you are in but even those are mainly used as board to announce events.

www.soj.org and www.smoddyssey.com are the two big local groups. Edges and The Citadel are the two big local play spaces although Power Exchange is a sex/swinger/bdsm space as well.

SF is very much focused on doing bdsm rather than talking about it online. It has just as many idiots as here but they spend their time being idiots at events.

Oh, and there isn't a single real world GOR group in SF but everything else you can imagine and even some you can't, exist there.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 12

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 11:49:15 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

I was just going to say the same thing. In fact, I found a wonderful little lingerie shop in Redwood City that had real, well made corsets. I was quite suprised!

Where? I am looking for a special one for a custome have to plan for, and having a hard time finding one.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to SingleRarity)

Post #: 13

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 1:14:20 PM

realtuffdom

Posts: 108
Joined: 7/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Gah, and I was hoping to see a post about how you're so tough that the subs flock to you, forming the events; that the other, less dom's just follow the sub's as all of them beg nude on the cold, wet earth to be in your Excel spreadsheet, all the females offering pictures of their pussy's to prove their submissivesness to your Ford Tough Domlyness.

Remind me to make an account to evil-twin you sometime.

:) Sometimes I forget which account I'm posting on....

_____________________________

Always, Ram Ford Tough....

I have lots and lots of experience at domination. Now I'd just like to try it with a partner....

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 14

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 1:45:27 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I agree with others; in a large, active scene, folks tend to get their kink needs met through munches and dungeons, not the internet.

Having said that, there's a chance you were too aggressive with your search requirements on CM. Frankly, the system isn't set up to make picky searches easy (but it's free; this isn't a complaint, just an observation.) Searching for women in California under the age of 35 is about the best you're going to be able to do; nobody is obligated to report their zip code or actual city (making the search by zipcode and city name more or less useless) and women are flooded with email even without photos, so they're not so driven to post one (making searches for people with just photos half as effective.)

Use the most minimal search criteria, if you want a wider pool to draw from; I know that I never would have met charlotte or Tigrita if I had not been a little flexible in my 'search' options.

Stephan

_____________________________

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to realtuffdom)

Post #: 15

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 2:36:10 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Once you get there you should be fine. There is something going on every weekend, covering a wide range of activity under the all encompassing umbrella of WIITWD.

Going to SF and having a problem finding a "straight BDSM" scene is akin to going to the Grand Canyon and not seeing the a hole.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 16

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/16/2008 10:09:07 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

As noted, there's Odyssey in the south bay (e.g., http://www.smodyssey.com/node/8), Janus (http://www.soj.org/main.html) in the north (as stated, just clarified).

In the south, the local bdsm dungeon is Edges - in the north, the play dungeon is the Citadel (I think it's still there - it's been a while for me).

As for D/s dancing, there's Bondage-a-go-go in the north (does it still do every Wednesday evening in SF?).

Of course, there's the one and only Power Exchange, again in SF (a little too sleazy for me, but, hey, it's there).

For pay-as-you-go coin-operated Domming, there's www.thegatessm.com in the north bay (over in Oakland) and www.backdrop.net in the south bay (Mountainview).

As for the private scene, www.myredbook.com will give you a review on all the local pros in both the north bay and south bay (again, not my schtick so YMMV).

When it comes to the south bay, Campbell, San Jose, Palo Alto, etc. all have their respective munches (Fridays, Mondays, Tuesdays respectively), and I'm sure the SF locations have similar venues.

Local swing clubs, including polyamory leanings also exist in Santa Cruz and environs.

As for chat websites, www.alt.com has a norcal chat which is pretty active (with it's own munch) - but I'm not sure if collarme has it's own local norcal group nor it's own munch (does it? ... maybe that needs to be the topic of its own thread).

Anyway, off the top of my head, those are some local resources for ya! I haven't met too many here on collarme so I can emphathize with you as a fellow straight Dom. It isn't easy but then, it never was and never will be. Don't worry about it as you only need one and she's out there somewhere and it's your job to find her, not the other way 'round.

Good luck!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 17

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/17/2008 7:02:36 AM

Abraxus

Posts: 56
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

I was just going to say the same thing. In fact, I found a wonderful little lingerie shop in Redwood City that had real, well made corsets. I was quite suprised!

Where? I am looking for a special one for a custome have to plan for, and having a hard time finding one.

Actualy withing SanFransico there is Mister S leather. Maddam S and Mister S are now in one location and they have a wonderful selection of corsets. They are located not far off Folsom.

_____________________________

Master Sage

"There is no sacred law than that of my own."
~unknown

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 18

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/17/2008 8:07:28 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

www.darkgarden.com is THE place for custom corsets

(in reply to Abraxus)

Post #: 19

RE: Where is the straight BDSM scene in San Francisco??? - 1/23/2008 2:30:21 PM

AlterEgo69

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline

A HUGE thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond to my inquiry! It's great to find such a welcoming and friendly bunch of locals!

My date for this evening cancelled, so I'm thinking about going to the Bondage a go go party tonight. Anyone know if they are really serious about "striclty enforced dress code, all black minimum"? Frankly, I dress and behave in a vanilla way in public, and don't own or care to own fetish wear. I could easily pull off all-black had I known, but I didn't and left those clothes in Florida. Also, I see they advertise 9.30pm to 3am, which is a pretty long window of time. Anyone know when the place typically gets busy/when to show up?

Also, as noted I'm really not a fetish-wear kind of guy, and not a big dancer either. My interest is in going to a place where I can meet and talk to people in the local scene, and get a sense of how it compares to NYC and other places I've lived. Is tonight's bondage a go go party an appropriate venue for that, or is it going to be one of those "everybody but me is wearing leather and chains" sort of things, with music so loud you can't talk? If so, I'd rather skip it. No judgment of anyone else - just not for me.

Thanks in advance,

A.E.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 20

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