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empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 1/10/2008 8:59:55 AM   
midnorthSA


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		hi all i really need advice here,
I first subbed many years ago and though I seached many times for a mistress since, i always seemed to fail, so i took on the roll of being a dom and tried to live my fantasies through my own slaves, truth be known i think i did a good job, but then the reality was hit me that i was truely sub, so i stopped domming , as it wasnt rewarding anymore
now my problem, or challenge is that i have found a woman [ not from here ] who is quite powerful in her professional life and told me that she sometimes suspected that she could be a dominatrix, so i fessed up my subness and my experinces. and while i talked away and told her of all this, she remained quiet, and only after admitting that she was quite  excited by the all of this, i truely value her as a person and now see the romantic side to submitting to such a powerful person long term, the problem is that she is so new to this whole concept, she is having trouble processing it. i have started to give her power by only talking about this when she brings it up, and also i never ask her any questions, i am looking for ways to help empower her, though, i havent met her yet, we do talk on the phone professionally quite often as her sales trainer and personal friend before all of this came up. please guys, I will take all the advice you can offer
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 1/10/2008 11:18:14 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I dont see what your problem is. You say that you were a Dom before. Use that experience to help her.

(in reply to midnorthSA)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 1/10/2008 11:23:11 AM   
midnorthSA


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		thats a good point, but i dont want her to feel as she is learning from me, as she may feel like its no genuine, i want her to blossom in her own right, without my saying what to do or how, does that make sense ?

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 1/10/2008 2:34:57 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline 		Why not set up a place/time to meet her.  At some point, even if you have to do it in the car (because going to her/your place or hotel would still be inappropriate)....manage to pop out a little crop...hold it in your mouth while holding your paws up and whimpering like a puppy who wants a treat.  I think THAT would just empower ANY potential Domina!!  Yea!! 
I know it would me!!!
Even if I felt uncomfortable (in her shoes) with following through, it would certainly let me know you are ready, willing, and able to be her guinea pig when she is ready to take the plunge.
Just a thought.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to midnorthSA)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 1/12/2008 1:35:54 PM   
oliderid


Posts: 63
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		She is curious. She doesn't probably look for a long term relationship (yet?). So do not forget it. She wants fun, she wants to feel excited but more importantly she is certainly a bit scared. Seduce her, this is always the same thing. It does mean beeing friendly, get a drink together, talk, explain, smile, etc. If it doesn't work, that's life, if it works, she will let you know by a way or another. My advice would be: Do not expect too much. It won't probably change your life but it can be fun.


(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 1/12/2008 6:52:51 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yet if you both travel this journey together, then I can't see where she would feel like what she learns from you isn't genuine? In the process of growing and coming into our own as either a dominant or a submissive or a swirch, we take what we learn from others and make it our own. I would think when she turns to you for advice or opinion, she will see use what feels right for her and thusly for you, as her submissive.
   Knowing that she can feel a greater level of trust from you, because you have walked the path of a dominant, to me that will hold greater validity and weight then a faceless stranger telling me that this is how a dominant is supposed to be/act etc. Try to realize that she will take the knowledge you have to offer, she will then use any or all according to what she believes is right for her! I wish you both well on this journey together and the best for you both.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to midnorthSA)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 1/30/2008 3:07:49 AM   
GentleAsRain


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		ok ill give this a try....i hope it helps in any way
........try 'leading' her role. instead of waiting for her to say/do anything.  i have personal experience with this.   she is perhaps just in need of ( lol sorry for the silly sounding term) Dom-ing lessons..?  what i mean is....instead of waiting for her to command or whatever applies...ask her so she will answer with her role....explaining this is a little harder than i thought.....lol.......ill keep trying....(YOU) " Mistress......am i to be paddled for my daily discipline now?"  (HER)  Yes, Slave youre to be paddled now. ( or yes slave im going to paddle you now etc there are of course many, almost infinite responses to this and all forms of 'leading her role' in the form of questions) see?   thats just one possibilty.  perhaps you might try just one on one talking and telling her what kinds of things you like to hear, like to see, like to be done to you etc..... what kind of things youd like her to try to learn to say so she is 'leading you' and your responss can also continue to lead her if you either word your responses a certain way......or ......another way.......BEGGING her not to do something to you(when you both know you really want her to do it lol0  is one way to 'lead her' into action.....resonses......verbal, ignoring, showing signs of  pleasure as she looks down at you before doing it to you anyway.....because she really WANTS to.....because you gave her the idea by begging her not to.....im sorry if these few different ways of helping her to have a path to take the lead herself sound stupid, unuseful, not possible in your specific relationship. i hope any one of these( of course all would be great! lol) might help you/her or  both trigger a path leading to a 'fem leading/male following' way about more and more aspects of your romance, BDSM play, D/s interactions, etc etc . 

oh   lol i almost forgot....suggesting she might try ( or maybe better if you do it for her?) looking online for good info sites, asking other Mistresses(or even Doms) if they can suggest a tried and well proven method, or perhaps just chat with Mistresses( or Doms) and get several......many.......opinions, advice, help.   there are hundreds(thousands? lol) of very good hearted Dominant people out there who would be happy to help you in any way they can...

im tired LOL  im going to try to lie down a bit.

all the best  to you and the Mistress
Keith

(in reply to midnorthSA)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 2/2/2008 4:25:37 PM   
Biwesttnswitch


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

Why not set up a place/time to meet her.  At some point, even if you have to do it in the car (because going to her/your place or hotel would still be inappropriate)....manage to pop out a little crop...hold it in your mouth while holding your paws up and whimpering like a puppy who wants a treat.  I think THAT would just empower ANY potential Domina!!  Yea!! 
I know it would me!!!
Even if I felt uncomfortable (in her shoes) with following through, it would certainly let me know you are ready, willing, and able to be her guinea pig when she is ready to take the plunge.
Just a thought.



Shew that got me all excited, ARF ARF... seriously though, that is AWESOME advice

(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 2/12/2008 7:56:42 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I enjoyed the book Different Loving as I was first becoming a Mistress, along with The Loving Dominant and Games Mistresses Play.  If she is a reader then these may help.  (I do my best by reading first and playing after, though some are the opposite.)

(in reply to midnorthSA)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 3/12/2008 4:42:54 PM   
DoubleHelix


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/11/2008
Status: offline 		There is also the small chance she may be hesitating from fear of not being able to fulfill your desires as a submissive. I know from personal experience, playing for the first time with someone (especially if it's not what you're used to in the first place!) can be INCREDIBLY intimidating. Mistresses sometimes intimidated? If they're new, hell yes! Give her lots of encouragement, tell her you think she'd make a wonderful Domme, then begin pointing out all the lovely Domme-y aspects you see in her. Make her Domme side as attractive to her as it is to you! Maybe she just has a little too much doubt in herself as a top, but you sure don't appear to. Show her what you see in her, and make sure she knows why and how you think it is beautiful.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 3/16/2008 7:30:17 PM   
solia


Posts: 115
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: midnorthSA

thats a good point, but i dont want her to feel as she is learning from me, as she may feel like its no genuine, i want her to blossom in her own right, without my saying what to do or how, does that make sense ?


Of course she's going to learn from you .. give her some ideas..get her started.  Refer her to some good books.  Write up some 3X5 cards with scenarios .. have her pick one .. she can follow it or change it to her imagination/desires.  You will need to talk with her, assure her that she's on the right track, give her feedback of what works and does not work for you ...  and tell her what you like as a sub .. that will give her even more ideas. Introduce her to CM, take her to a munch so she can meet other dommes and befriend them...then watch out!

Oh, and don't forget to laugh along the way.

< Message edited by solia -- 3/16/2008 7:34:08 PM >

(in reply to midnorthSA)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 3/29/2008 9:32:30 PM   
V1rg1nymph0


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I absolutely understand what you're saying!

I have a husband who wants to Dom, and I have tried using my experiences as a Domme to help him, but I'll warn you that it ends up feeling like you're Dom/meing yourself.  Perhaps introduce her to the lifestyle either locally or online and let her see some Dom/mes (or switches) in action, find a Dom/me or Switch whom you respect and introduce them so that she can ask questions.  This has helped my husband some, perhaps it will help her.

-V

< Message edited by V1rg1nymph0 -- 3/29/2008 9:33:37 PM >

(in reply to solia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: empowering a newbie mitress, i need your help firends - 4/23/2008 2:11:10 AM   
impossiblesub


Posts: 150
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline 		Just always do what she wants, and ask her what she wants to do all of the time, pamper her and give her foot massages and such.  This will award her Dominant status in the relationship and you can go from there. One day you can get on your knees for her with a crop in her mouth.
One thing, this I know, if when you ask her what she wants to do, she says "Whatever you want to do" then it will probably never work out, although you can still try to shift the position to where she is dominant.
If you really want to empower her, ask her to marry you. LOL

< Message edited by impossiblesub -- 4/23/2008 2:13:34 AM >

(in reply to V1rg1nymph0)
Profile   Post #: 13
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