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when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 9:22:19 AM

subcolumbus

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We are a gay submissive couple who now have a Master. We are trying to move into a poly relationship and willing to take it slow. My question is when my Master has to punish me with a paddle it does not hurt. And then he has sex with me. Is this punishment? because if it is i will make many mistakes. Should i tell him it does not hurt? i mean no dissrespect to him.

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 9:39:57 AM

kinkypuppy2

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Sounds like you want more then they are willing to give. you need to have a good sit down talk and tell them. There is a big difference between play and punnishment, You are getting "play" when they feel they are punnishing you. All that will do is cause you to misbehave more.

< Message edited by kinkypuppy2 -- 1/10/2008 9:42:42 AM >

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 9:46:04 AM

takenbyjohnr07

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When my Owner spanks me it stings, but that's because i am not being punished. i can't imagine a paddling not hurting. Maybe you have a high threshold for pain or maybe he is not spanking hard enough for your tastes.

Are you sure it is totally a punishment spanking and not some play added into it? cause i can't imagine asking to be punished harder so that it hurts more. It seems to me that the punishments should always hurt. One way or another, Otherwise, what would be the point in them? Good luck!

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 9:46:26 AM

SirMIkeSD

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See the punishment thread that was just started http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1528548 because that is play and you need to talk open and honestly about it.

Mike

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 9:49:25 AM

ksub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subcolumbus

We are a gay submissive couple who now have a Master. We are trying to move into a poly relationship and willing to take it slow. My question is when my Master has to punish me with a paddle it does not hurt. And then he has sex with me. Is this punishment? because if it is i will make many mistakes. Should i tell him it does not hurt? i mean no dissrespect to him.

This is where communication between you and your Master comes in. Punishment should be discussed and understood between both parties. Perhaps his definition and yours are different - perhaps he is only 'playing' versus you viewing it as a full punishment?

If it is true punishment, I'd think the exact wrong reaction he'd want from you would be 'I'll misbehave so I get it more often"... but everyone is different! Only he can tell you. Good luck!

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 10:08:06 AM

beargonewild

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It's my thought that punishment should be given as a method to correct something which a sub wasn't supposed to do yet they done so irregardless. To me this is totally different then spanking dine as a form of play. I'd be inclined to have a discussion with your Master. I'm not sure you simply stating that his spankings aren't hard enough as it could be interpretted as an insult. My previous owner had used spankings as coorpreal punishment as a means to teach and he used a belt. He made sure to actually demonstrate the difference between a punishment spanking and spanking in play.

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 10:18:04 AM

darkpassenger434

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That sounds like play to me. Believe me, this is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. At least it is for me.
-R

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/10/2008 10:29:21 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subcolumbus

We are a gay submissive couple who now have a Master. We are trying to move into a poly relationship and willing to take it slow. My question is when my Master has to punish me with a paddle it does not hurt. And then he has sex with me. Is this punishment? because if it is i will make many mistakes. Should i tell him it does not hurt? i mean no dissrespect to him.

I don't use physical punishments - but if I did, believe me, it would *hurt* because I define a need to punish as her actually making me angry. And I sure has hell wouldn't be in the mood for sex after....

I tend to think that what appears to be a light paddling from your master is a matter of foreplay for him. And any D/s or M/s dynamic is a matter of the right "head space". You're confusion is primarily from a lack of communication and that I believe it's the dominant's responsibility to set the appropriate headspace for the submissive before acting out anything to do with D/s power exchange. IE, if you've done something deserving of punishment, he needs to spell that out to you *before* doing anything about it.

Based on the very limited information you've posted here, I can't help thinking that the D/s element of your relationship isn't your master's primary motivation. It reads like a token spanking entree' for what he really wants - just sex. I would imagine even a first-day novice dom would at least be capable of spelling out that you've broken some rule and are being punished for it....

I mean, there is an element of domination coming from him, right? It isn't just about you two submitting to his passive will for little more than sex? The three of you really need to sit down and define the dynamic of your relationship. if there's a punishment element involved, then that suggests there's rules to follow. And if you are being punished, he needs to say so, and why!

Focus.

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/11/2008 2:02:17 AM

beltainefaerie

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Punishment for something actually done wrong should hurt and generally isn't a prelude to sex. Play punishment is kind of role playing and can be foreplay for some.

If there is some actual need for punishment, then he needs to know what he is doing isn't "punishing" you. Punishment should be some task or activity that you dislike.

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RE: when my Master paddles me - 1/11/2008 5:15:53 PM

mstrj69

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I think this is something the three of you need to sit down and discuss if you have no already. It could be your partner is feeling punished with that much of a spanking while your tolerance says it is nothing. If this is the case your master needs to know the difference in tollerance levels between the two of you.

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