More than one

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wantingitall -> More than one (1/11/2008 4:35:13 PM)
How do others handle it when their Master or Dom wants more than one sub or slave? I want to be the only one that He wants, but am also afraid to disappoint Him? PLEASE help me!!

Kalista07 -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 4:47:57 PM)
i would suggest talking to Him about it.....Call me crazy, but i've found this approach works for just about every issue brought up here...

BitaTruble -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 4:49:45 PM)
Was this something of which you were aware before you got involved in the relationship? If not, then you need to sit down and discuss it with your dominant. If you agreed to poly in the beginning, then you'll either have to renege on the agreement or suck it up. There's going to be a consequence to any decision you make. Celeste

subantionette -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 4:55:07 PM)
My perspective Dom has told me that he is normaly able to last longer then his subs so he would like to have two, we talked about it because it didnt make me feel comfortable and i now understand why he would like to have two, just like Kalista said talking with you Dom normaly works for everything

wantingitall -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 4:56:52 PM)
I have spoken to him about this as it was not something that we discussed in the beginning. He says it is what he needs. What if I can't give him that? I feel like it makes me a poor sub :-(

Kalista07 -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 4:59:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantingitall I have spoken to him about this as it was not something that we discussed in the beginning. He says it is what he needs. What if I can't give him that? I feel like it makes me a poor sub :-( i don't think it makes you a "poor sub"...i do however, think though that this is something you two need to spend a great deal more time talking about.....It seems to me as though there are a lot of assumptions and what if's going on here...Nothing healthy can come from either one of those two.

BitaTruble -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 5:00:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantingitall I have spoken to him about this as it was not something that we discussed in the beginning. He says it is what he needs. What if I can't give him that? I feel like it makes me a poor sub :-( Wantingitall.. it does not, I repeat does NOT make you a poor sub. It might, however, mean you're an incompatible submissive to that particular dom. Please don't let it be a reflection on your submission or use it as some sort of barometer. You are who you are, a unique individual with unique perspectives and insights into yourself. That said, you still have to be the one who lives with the choices you have to make .. and there are still going to be consequences for those choices. Honest communication with your dominant may find that he's not willing to lose you in order to satisfy his new found desire. Talk. Celeste

AquaticSub -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 5:01:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantingitall How do others handle it when their Master or Dom wants more than one sub or slave? I want to be the only one that He wants, but am also afraid to disappoint Him? PLEASE help me!! Talk to him. If you really can't handle it, see how important it is to him. BTW, it doesn't make you a poor sub if you can't handle it. He didn't talk to you about it so you didn't know you wouldn't suit. Unless he just figured this out, it was his responsiblity to tell you about this beforehand.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 5:02:20 PM)
i am greatful that he is adamadtly agaist it.

RoughFN -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 5:20:00 PM)
ya know what? Maybe she is a poor sub. Maybe this is a reflection on that, maybe it's just another example of something she won't do. There's not enough information here to draw any conclusions about whether or not she's worthwhile. Or maybe she is great and this is just too far for her to go. It's really tough to tell. wantingitall - here's a question. Why are you beating yourself up over this? Do you feel that this is something that you actually can do and live with and get through for him? If so, then you should just do it. No beating around the bush, no arguing, no whining. You chose the role, so stick with it. If this is something you actually really truly can't do, then there's no point in beating yourself up over it. I'd say you're only being a poor sub if this really is something that you can do but are balking just because you don't want to. Figure out which one it is for you, then act appropriately and tell your dom whichever one applies. If this is an absolute hard limit that you really can't do, he should respect it with minimal repercussions. If he doesn't, you may want to reconsider your relationship.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 5:35:18 PM)
i know a Dominant who had an eight year relationship with a sub. He did not wwant to have another sub, but she lept bugging him until finally he gave in. Needless to say it was disastorous for the sub who realized she didn't like to share. So she left him. He stayed with the second sub for a while, but she really wasn't interested in him that much. So he left. They all lost everything. It takes a special type of person to handle a relationship like that. i hope that your Dom understands that he needs to be careful what he wishes for and he needs to be told honestly how you feel with conviction i might add. i would rather say no and take the chance then to say yes and have my life fall apart. If he wants a sub for sex (if i read it right) What are his feelings towards you. Is he making you feel that you are not enough or not good enough? If that's the case i would give your relationship a seriusly hard look. i wish you all the best.

Lordandmaster -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 5:40:03 PM)
If a dom wants more than one sub, the least he can do is say that BEFORE a sub gets involved with him. Otherwise he's just being a hound.

MistressNoName -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 5:43:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wantingitall I have spoken to him about this as it was not something that we discussed in the beginning. He says it is what he needs. What if I can't give him that? I feel like it makes me a poor sub :-( Forgive me, wanting, b/c this post might not sound very warm or fuzzy, but it's meant to be helpful, nonetheless... Why should his wanting another slave (or slaves) make you a poor sub? Why is it about you? Maybe he wants another sub to fulfill an area of need that you realistically cannot fill or that he does not wish for you to try to fill. Not every sub is necessarily suited to every task. Now if this is really something that you feel you cannot live with, tell him goodbye. If you think it's something you could live with but will have a difficult time adjusting to, that's ok. Talk to him, talk to him, and oh yeah, talk to him. Express your feelings, even anger, even doubt and even frustration. Be honest and be open and upfront. Talk about issues the minute they come up. And I agree with a previous poster. Most issues that are brought up on the boards, are issue that folks need to talk about with their Owners. Silence and poor communication kill relationships. Best, MNN

cherrypez -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 6:17:14 PM)
We have discussed this subject. Currently it is not something either of us desire but we both know that time can change things. I am secure in our relationship, I further know that is there came a time when another submissive were desired in the relationship she would not change his feelings for me. I don't really have a problem with the fact that he may want another submissive, I probably would have more of a problem sharing my kitchen than sharing my Dom. I'd just have to make the agreement ahead of time, that her job in the kitchen was maybe cleaning it and not rearranging stuff. Seriously, if you are really against a poly relationship, I would not recommend agreeing simply to please him because there may wind up being resentment against both of them at some point and it may be better to disappoint him now than later on.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 6:18:53 PM)
i forgot to add that iwas talking about my Owner, not hers. Sorry.

cherrypez -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 6:54:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07 If he wants a sub for sex (if i read it right) What are his feelings towards you. Is he making you feel that you are not enough or not good enough? Sometimes, having another submissive in the relationship has nothing to do with his feelings for the first submissive. Although we are not interested in having another submissive enter the relationship on a full time live in basis, we do occasionally play with others. Occasionally he will play with another submissive simply because her reaction is different than my own and it doesn't mean that I am not enough or not good enough. Sometimes he likes me to play with a different Dom, and that works for me because his technique might be different than my Master and this is enjoyable for me. It doesn't mean that my Master is not enough or not good enough. Sometimes we play as a group and that works too. I look at it this way and maybe it's a silly way to look at things but, if he and I were to go out to a resteraunt for dinner and he ordered a meal that I prepare in our home and he enjoyed the meal in the resteraunt and maybe even enjoyed that meal more than the one I prepare in our home, it doesn't mean that he is going to eat at that resteraunt every night nor does it mean that he will not eat it when I prepare it in our home and dislike it because it tasted better elsewhere. It just simply means that he enjoyed it better than how I did it and I would not feel like I was a bad cook because of it. I would just be pleased that he enjoyed the meal he had there and suggest to visit there again. For us, sex and play is not the foundation for our feelings for each other. We love each other as people first. There are very vanilla qualities about him no other Dom would be able to top and there are vanilla qualites about me that no other submissive could match. We trust the feelings we have for each other and trust that no other person can change those feelings. There is no insecurities regarding our love for each other and no insecurites regarding our relationship. I know this doesn't work for every one, but it works for us. I am not trying to speak for the OP's Dom or the OP for that matter but perhaps he loves her very much and just wants to experience a different reaction. I am just trying to give a different view on how I look at things. As others have suggested, it's a good idea to discuss it with him. [:D]

juliaoceania -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 7:04:12 PM)
quote: ya know what? Maybe she is a poor sub. Maybe this is a reflection on that, maybe it's just another example of something she won't do. There's not enough information here to draw any conclusions about whether or not she's worthwhile. I think people were stating that a person not being able to handle poly does not mean they are a poor sub, it means they are not poly.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 7:50:14 PM)
i agree, i was under the impresion that he wanted to add a sub and not just play with one occassionally. Without us knowing how he is expressing this to her or how he treats her or makes her feel otherwise, we can't really give too much of an educated answer. We can only just assume. For instance: Is their relationship otherwise great? Or is there a lot lacking. That would change my answer tremendously. We don't know how he presented it to her or if he is respecting her wishes or is mad. There is so much we don't know.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 8:40:12 PM)
It's not worth having "a dom" if you aren't fulfilled in who you are- don't let your fear of ending a relationship get in the way of being who you are.

wantingitall -> RE: More than one (1/11/2008 8:44:05 PM)
Thanks for all of your responses. I will consider all that has been said with the information that you had to work with. We have a great relationship and I will just have to see what happens. No further repsonses are needed. Thanks again to everyone who shared with me. Good luck to you all.

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