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Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 11:41:11 AM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline 		I would love to hear how others deal with distance.

My situation:  At the moment my life is in transition.  In four months I'm moving to another state.  Five months after that, I'm moving again to a different state from the first two (not sure where- the final destination isn't set in concrete). I have no idea how long I'll be in the third destination.   I'm not in a relationship now.  I'd love to find a partner- since I like monogamy, but I don't want to start something which will end soon because I'm soon not going to be here.  I'm at a point in my life where I don't want FWB or transitory sexual encounters.  I want a partner to explore and play with. 

How would you go about finding a partner who isn't tied to a place? Or finding a partner who is tied to a place, but is willing to brave distance for nearly a year?

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 11:46:02 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I think you're putting the cart before the horse.  In my experience, distance finds a way to work itself out.  It may not be as quickly as you would like, but eventually something happens.  Situations change, people get work transfers, whatever. 

I know other people have successfully worked through a long distance relationship that involved different countries or different continents, but that is probably where I would draw the line, because it would simply be TOO difficult for me.  I am in California... I'm thinking a relationship with someone in Europe or Japan or somewhere that far away would just be too hard - unless they were in a financial position to be able to travel at will, then it wouldn't matter where their home base was. 

I would concentrate on finding someone that speaks to your soul, and worry about their location later.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to fungasm)
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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 11:46:31 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I met my old kajira when she was in LA.  I am in the NEtherlands..so pretty much the other side of the world.
We fell in love..and cursed the distance. But we managed to gether. Then she moved back to Germany. CLoser to me, but still 90 minutes drive (2 times).
I saw her 1 times a month minimal. I never complained because i loved her. In time we became friends...but still.....
It is all about people liking eachother or loving and willing to sacrefice.....how you find some one......i can't tell you..it happens


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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 11:53:56 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		That i s excellent advice. i have always felt that idf it is meant to be then nothing is going to stand in a person's way. It can be decastating being alone, so i would imagine that if she thinks you're the one for her she might be able to relocate. there is a place on the profile for that. i wish you the best. Take your time. i promise you that it will be worth the wait.

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 12:02:39 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

I would love to hear how others deal with distance.

My situation: At the moment my life is in transition. In four months I'm moving to another state. Five months after that, I'm moving again to a different state from the first two (not sure where- the final destination isn't set in concrete). I have no idea how long I'll be in the third destination. I'm not in a relationship now. I'd love to find a partner- since I like monogamy, but I don't want to start something which will end soon because I'm soon not going to be here. I'm at a point in my life where I don't want FWB or transitory sexual encounters. I want a partner to explore and play with.

How would you go about finding a partner who isn't tied to a place? Or finding a partner who is tied to a place, but is willing to brave distance for nearly a year?


Each of the long-term relationships I have had with submissives have been long-distance...my first one was married and yet, we managed to see each other several times a year. My second submissive was from Canada and we made it work to the tune of at least once every 8 weeks and she did come live with me for about 6 months. And so it goes...you find someone that you can relate to...someone that grabs you...someone that matters to you and touches something within you on either a dominant or submissive level, on an intellectual level, on a serious level, on a playful level, on an interest level, on a conversant level and you take it from there. Is it easier when you find someone close? I could see where it would be but ironically enough...in my case, that hasn't made much difference. I know quite a few submissives in Colorado...several of them I have been interested in. One turned out to be involved with someone else, another just disappeared, another one is thinking of moving to England and...so it goes.

For me...it is the person...and if I am lucky enough to find a submissive who wants my dominance, then we take it from there and hopefully, find a way to be together.

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 12:24:09 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

How would you go about finding a partner who isn't tied to a place? Or finding a partner who is tied to a place, but is willing to brave distance for nearly a year?


The same way you go about finding any other compatible partner.  Being certain to make it clear up front that anyone interested in you must be willing and able to travel with regularity, and to handle a long distance relationship (at least for the coming year) until such time as one of you is able to relocate permanently to the other. 
 
Many folks start out with good intentions to make the effort, but most either tire or are not able to fulfill those good intentions for practicle reasons (most often the time and money to afford the travel).  So my advice is to be exceptionally honest with yourselves about that. 
 
Can it be done?  Sure, I've done it several times myself, having met folks who lived quite a distance from me.  But then, I do have the means to travel with regularity, and they did have the ability to relocate if/when the relationship progressed to that level. 
 
John

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 12:45:32 PM   
MasterHX


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline 		How do you find a partner that isn't tied to a place? 

Um... date a homeless person?  Everyone has some degree of "roots" to where they live - be it family, job, or just comfort.  If the relationship is strong enough to be worth overcoming those obsticles, then it'll happen... you'd be hard pressed to find someone who's willing to follow you around the country after an initial meeting or conversation.

Put yourself out there, but be honest about potential relationships.  Let them know about your situation, and see how things progress.  Lots of good advice up above already, all I can really add is not to make "willing to move" a priority in choosing a partner.  Be patient, and that will come with time...

MasterHX

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 1:38:29 PM   
tinoketsheli


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/9/2007
Status: offline 		if you meet someone and fall in love with them then either
A. you have a make a big sacrifice
B. stick it out till you can be with them
C. decide if its worth the effort

Its tough but I am doing a combination of A and B - good luck!

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 2:04:11 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tinoketsheli

if you meet someone and fall in love with them then either
A. you have a make a big sacrifice
B. stick it out till you can be with them
C. decide if its worth the effort

Its tough but I am doing a combination of A and B - good luck!


good luck
i know it is hard, but you will succeed

(in reply to tinoketsheli)
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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/12/2008 2:11:48 PM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		I understand what you are saying-- and I also am seeking an actual partner.

Finding someone can be difficult just in mainstream life, but when adding on the extras such as this lifestyle, it can really seem insurmountable.

Good luck and I do hope you find that which you seek.

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/13/2008 11:47:46 PM   
Feric


Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline 		As long as you're up-front and honest about your situation, any potential partner should respect you for that, and you can go from there. Long-distance relationships are never easy, but they can be worked through.

My current sub and I are separated by about fifty miles, but we still manage to arrange a get-together once a week.


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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 3:50:14 AM   
DrDoo


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tinoketsheli

if you meet someone and fall in love with them then either
A. you have a make a big sacrifice
B. stick it out till you can be with them
C. decide if its worth the effort

Its tough but I am doing a combination of A and B - good luck!


good luck to you both...me and my girl have been doing long-distance for a year and a half and it's working...we love each other and are both prepared to make sacrifices to maintain our relationship...in our case it's me who goes to visit her mostly as she has a child and i can make the 3.5hr journey more easily on a regular basis...we're also lucky enough to be able to maintain a 2weeks on 2weeks off schedule of visits...it's not always easy but what relationship is?

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the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 4:20:16 AM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		Long Distance tests a relationship ... can killl it dead too. I would hesitate to enter into a LDR again and relocation is a real costly thing, both financially and emotionally and I would be real careful of making that decision again, once bit twice shy here.

I do not mean to be a total bitch here but the whole monogamy thing ... unless he is going to be around real regular to scratch that itch, monogamy is not entering the picture. This "chaste for months waiting to see him" had knobs on it and caused more harm than good ... I do not do well left untouched for long periods of time ... that I will not do again.

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Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 4:28:15 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why do so many people make driving 2 hours the same as being 1000 miles apart. Distance happens in this lifestyle. You either can deal with it or not. Work on the relationship and the distance will take care of itself.

(in reply to DrDoo)
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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 5:31:35 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I can't say I especially have advice for you, other than to say some of U/us are also in these types of situations.  My submissive is currently here with Me, but even when I first considered whether or not I should collar him, I knew there would be potential issues with distance.  The short explanation for this is that he is currently in a school here, but will return home across the country in June.  At that time, there will be a period of about a year between My being here and being able to move across the country Myself.  When I do, W/we'll still be about six hours apart.  What happens from there is still a toss up.

I suppose what I am saying is that, in My case, I knew there would be some issues when I chose this particular submissive.  In My opinion, he's worth going through the difficulties that I know are ahead, because of who he is and what he means to Me.  Some are willing to look at the situation and accept it.  Even if I hadn't expected to eventually end up in relatively the same location, I still would have wanted him as My submissive for the time he is here.  I'd have cheated Myself out of a lot if I focused on the end, rather than the now.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 3:02:15 PM   
SilentTigresss


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline 		Hello fungasm,  (interesting name)
My last "long term" relationship was long distance. i did 98% of the traveling- perhaps due to the fact that i work for a major airline, but...it can be difficult and it also can bring that famous cliche' absence makes the heart etc., etc. What became a thorn for me was still being alone... hmm, not sure if i've gone off your posting here.. but yes in the end decisions need to be made and the worth of it all.
Luck to you.

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 3:56:40 PM   
subantionette


Posts: 57
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with CalifChick when she said

quote:

In my experience, distance finds a way to work itself out


If you love someone it will work itself out; and i am speaking from experience as my Sir is in another country and on the other side of it, and there is a three hour time difference and we are working it out.


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~All my love, my life, and my submission~
~Collared to James~

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 6:43:15 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		fungasm,

It is good to see that you are being honest about what you need and can offer.  That is a good start but setting out to find "that" rarely works, you get what the universe offers.

I had sworn I didn't want to have to drive more than a half hour as I was sick of driving two hours.  I live in CA in a large urban area with a big bdsm community so it wasn't unrealistic. 

The sort of women I desire are few and far between, add in chemistry and whatever else one needs to make a relationship and I hadn't found anyone.

Instead, she found me but we are three time zones apart and the flight takes well over half a day losing three hours in the process, it is ugly but we do it. 

It isn't easy, in fact sometimes it downright sucks but when you meet your soulmate, what choice do you have but to bend heaven and earth to bring yourselves together?

Enjoy  your time alone, explore yourself, nurture yourself and take the time to grow and when you least expect it, his shadow will loom over you.

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RE: Advice About Distance? - 1/14/2008 7:09:08 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Enjoy  your time alone, explore yourself, nurture yourself and take the time to grow and when you least expect it, his shadow will loom over you.


This is so true and I think the best advice for anyone seeking to find someone special. I had all but given up searching and decided I would leave things to fate for awhile, low and behold I found my soul mate, not without obstacles we are long distance for the moment, but we visit frequently. And when something is truly right both parties will move heaven and earth to be together

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 19
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