MemphisDsCouple
Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sexyanna
Do you think it benifits a couple who are aspiring to live a D/s lifestyle but are sort of new, to have some formal trianing and mentoring? How would one go about finding that, would you just ask your friends who are in the lifestyle?
You're getting mostly positive responses to the idea of a mentor but I am far more skeptical than the other posters.
quote:
ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
I'll add something from the point of view of the mentor. I no longer mentor simply because it is so time consuming and intense. The mentoring process is a long-term, highly-personal involvement, and frankly, I just don't have the energy any more.
Mentoring is serious business
Mentoring is not a concept that originated with d/s and s&m. I have had many mentors in my life: in business, in sports and even in my personal life. But none of those mentors operated the way bdsm mentors seem to operate. None of my mentors *ever* got hands-on in my life or activities. Bdsm mentors seem to almost always be hands-on. You have to ask yourself why. If I hear or see a person saying they have to check with their mentor or conversations or contacts need to go through their mentor, I interpret that as *not* being mentorship. That is control. That is hands-on involvement. That, in short, is a relationship. The thing is, it has usually been sold (to someone by someone) as *not* being a relationship. In my observation, bdsm mentorship is probably 999 times out of 1000 a smokescreen, pure and simple.
And what about when the mentor wants you to kneel? Or wants to flog your submissive? Folks, lemme tell ya.... *None* of my business mentors *ever* sold an account for me. Or balanced my books. *None* of my sports mentors ever came to the field and put on my pads or subbed into the game for me. Think about it.
But even if the mentor is hands-on via the computer only, you might ask how the mentor could be getting his jollies this way. I would answer that question with a question: How do people get their jollies through cybering? How is that so different? And many, many times the so-called "mentor" will be involved in hands-on "training". Well, ah reckon they can get some jollies like that!
The mentors I have had in my life were people who had experience and had achieved success. They had their own lives. A successful person has things to do. A successful person doesn't have time to do your business for you. Think about it.
My mentors would have lunch with me and talk. They made themselves available for a call if I had a question. Their mentorship was not the time consuming endeavor that bdsm mentorship is so often made out to be. Basically, in every case I've ever seen other than in bdsm, mentors are most often simply older, wiser, more experienced, successful *friends*. They are often age-inappropriate friends because they have been around long enough to get that experience that they're sharing. Also, they don't call themselves "mentor". Read the sports pages. Teams often talk about the advantages of having an older, experienced player on the team to help the younger players along. But they don't call them "mentors". In trades you might have a "master" and an "apprentice" (like electricians or plumbers). But they don't call themselves "mentors". Personally, based on many years of observation, I have a great deal of skepticism about the whole bdsm "mentor" thing.
But! If you're in d/s and/or s&m to "play". If that's your goal...... then a mentor is great. Perhaps it's another play partner. And if that's what you want - great! But you know what? I still, personally, don't like it. Why not call the mentor a play partner and be more honest about it?
But hey.... most of the people above like the mentor thing. So maybe they know more than I do.
Postscript:
You are welcome to print or save this post for your own use. Please do not copy it to any public or semi-public forum (including email groups/lists) without my express permission. Thanks. All rights reserved. (I write this postscript because after-the-fact someone wrote to me to inform me that they had copied a prior post I wrote to another list. So, I thought I'd better clarify what my preference/policy is regarding use of what I write.)
B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)
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