Privacy...or secrecy?

Privacy...or secrecy? (Full Version)

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krazysubbiekat -> Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 6:47:18 PM)
As I was reading another post, I wondered how many in TTWD are afraid of being "outed" having their role in this to be made public. I do understand that some fear for their professional lives, their maritial status, their whatever. Is this the motivating reason for their almost fanatical need for secrecy or is it something else? I know that personally, I am very open about my role, but then I am pretty much open about all of my stuff. <g> While I am not very likely to be out in public wearing a dog collar and leash and leather corset and thong, I do have a tattoo that is likely to be recognized by others in this lifestyle.

greenie -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 7:04:18 PM)
on the main i really don't care if i'm outed, but then i'm a stay at home care give for those who must not be mentioned. i do however practice discretion from those who must not be mentioned and from my former inlaws, however my ex husband is completely aware so i don't worry about him using my situation to take away those who must not be mentioned, but his family would cause hell if they knew since they are very strict evangelical christians.

DesertRat -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 7:08:07 PM)
I am not ashamed of what I do or the way I do it, so I don't worry about being outed. I do respect the privacy of others, though. My decisions and priorities are not necessarily the same as theirs. Bob

LadyAngelika -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 7:32:44 PM)
As far as I'm concerned, this is no one's business but mine. Do I fear being outed, no. Would I rather have my privacy, yes. - LA

Lordandmaster -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 7:45:39 PM)
Well, what do YOU think? quote: ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat Is this the motivating reason for their almost fanatical need for secrecy or is it something else?

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 7:45:45 PM)
I don't fear being outed. I'm out to any one who needs toknow, and some who don't like my parents. I don't however go flaunting it in front of anybodies faces. look at me I'm kinky I like being spanked.

Misstoyou -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 9:26:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika As far as I'm concerned, this is no one's business but mine. Do I fear being outed, no. Would I rather have my privacy, yes. - LA My position is in line with Lady Angelika's. By nature I'm a private person, and this is nobody's business but mine. Realistically, being outed would bring lots of employment complications. On the other hand, I think it would only help with my classroom management. ** They love that I have occasional problems with spelling, too. (And I almost did it again!) [:)]

StarAndRock -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 9:36:18 PM)
If someone can't appreciate me for who I am then that's their problem.

IronBear -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 11:10:53 PM)
It has cost me a great deal by openly being in the Lifestyle, Gorean and Pagan.. There are medical people who turn their backs on me due to this even though I am one of the “preferred” counsellors is some areas. My take on the whole shebang is that those who want to act against be can go and take a running jump for I do have many areas in which they don’t care what I do in my private life. To misquote: We'll fight them in their offices; We'll fight them in the courts; we'll fight them on our doorsteps; We will never surrender!

sabra -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 11:17:27 PM)
I have not feared being outed since I 'retired' in a manner of speaking. However, when I was int he professional world I could have lost clients if they would have known. I hope in my return I have not to worry about outing that it be a more relaxed profession.

FangsNfeet -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/26/2005 11:41:17 PM)
Every good politician knows how to deny everything. "I puffed but I never inhaled" Bill Clinton. It's to easy to say that's not me, that's my head on someones body. My Ex Wife took my pic and made this CM profile. The hardest thing about being caught in the life style is when you have children or are foster parents. It can really put a couple on the spot about how much of there private in the bedroom stuff gets out and effects the rest of the house hold. It can damage some people in the medical field. After all, being someone who gets off to having inflicting pain on others, might not be someone you want taking care of you.

UtopianRanger -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 12:38:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat As I was reading another post, I wondered how many in TTWD are afraid of being "outed" having their role in this to be made public. I do understand that some fear for their professional lives, their maritial status, their whatever. Is this the motivating reason for their almost fanatical need for secrecy or is it something else? I know that personally, I am very open about my role, but then I am pretty much open about all of my stuff. <g> While I am not very likely to be out in public wearing a dog collar and leash and leather corset and thong, I do have a tattoo that is likely to be recognized by others in this lifestyle. ''Outed'' is not a problem - Losing money is! For me, non-secerecy equates to a loss of income;and a loss of income equates to less freedom. - The Ranger

brightspot -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 2:13:57 AM)
I came out as a Lesbian at 17, I am now in my.... ummmmm.....40's and proud of both and I am not ashamed of my submissiveness or my fit in WIITWD. I could really give a chit who could or would check up on the happenings in my world. And if they were to run across me here? Well...they can talk to me, no problem. They can, freak and think what they want, no problem. Try and Phuck with me...No Problem...[;)]Life is to Damn Short! *Brightspot

LadyAngelika -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 5:39:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger ''Outed'' is not a problem - Losing money is! For me, non-secerecy equates to a loss of income;and a loss of income equates to less freedom. - The Ranger Just give me all your money and then I'll dominate you public ally and you can kill 2 birds with one stone ;-) - LA

mnottertail -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 5:52:59 AM)
Anybody who can't afford to be outed should not be here. End of joke. If this ........ummmmm THANG..... is so important to you that you take the risk, you better be able to take the consequence. This is the stuff that blackmail is made of. Professionally, and personally........ Can you imagine that a sub or master (i am using these terms in a very loose fashion) when your relationship hits the rocks would not hit you up with the I am gonna out you plan? Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW! I personally would rather be ensconced in my warm dark personal little closet, but I will stand into the light of day if need be. I will let no emotion or person have that power over me. Ron

LadyAngelika -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 7:01:55 AM)
quote: Anybody who can't afford to be outed should not be here. I agree with a lot of the things you say Ron but that is just silly. Let say that if I were outted, it would make life very uncomfortable for me. Would it be the end of my life? Nope. Would I overcome it? Of course, with the dignity and grace that I overcome everything. Would I feel shame? Not one little incling. But in the end, I know that being outed would affect my career because the environment that I work in, which is essentially all about power dynamics, is not ready to embrace someone who lives my lifestyle publically. That is perhaps one of the main reasons I'm not out publically. And in the end, it's really more about the fact that I like this little air of mystery that surrounds me when people don't really know what I'm up to exactly. Being subtle can give you the upper hand. - LA

happypervert -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 8:46:48 AM)
quote: And in the end, it's really more about the fact that I like this little air of mystery that surrounds me when people don't really know what I'm up to exactly. Being subtle can give you the upper hand. I think this is right on the mark as usual with comments from LadyA, and I'd like to expand upon it. I see the problem of being outed as being mislabeled by the ignorance or the outside world about wiitwd. Their perceptions of where our behavior fits in with relationships are founded on bad porn, bad religion and syrupy sweet romance novels. Although I have cultivated an image as being a freak and a pervert the goal has been to make it positive and interesting; being out would tip the scale toward being deranged and dangerous. I don't think that the charged words from the original post such as "fear" and "fanatical need for secrecy" are appropriate either; that struck me as the smug comments from someone who is just a bit too proud of herself for being so open about it. Although I've heard some horror stories I'm not sure if being out would lead to financial repurcussions for me or if there would simply be some snickering and finger pointing by gossip mongers; however I am sure that I would rather not not find out and have to deal with it.

pinkpleasures -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 8:54:36 AM)
quote: It has cost me a great deal by openly being in the Lifestyle, Gorean and Pagan.. There are medical people who turn their backs on me due to this even though I am one of the “preferred” counsellors is some areas. My take on the whole shebang is that those who want to act against be can go and take a running jump for I do have many areas in which they don’t care what I do in my private life. To misquote: We'll fight them in their offices; We'll fight them in the courts; we'll fight them on our doorsteps; We will never surrender! IronBear i LOVE IronBear's "misquote", LOL. i am only "out" to my vanilla girlfriends. My vanilla men friends do not care to discuss my love life, as they are married or committed. My family does not know, and it's to prevent me from having to listen to their crap. i'd never tell my kid; it's way too much information about "Mom" than she'll ever need. As for employment, i cannot imagine either asking or telling here in the USA due to the liability for sexual harrassment. pinkpleasures

subcheryl -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 9:11:16 AM)
and there are some who work with children who really professionally and money wise cannot be outed either, as it would ruin their carreers. People have become very cautious with child care givers and such due to the press on teachers who do kids in their class rooms, child care givers who molest children in their homes and the such. I know that is part of the reason I can not get any children for a private home daycare I so much would love to have so am looking in area of professional daycare, and if it were found out that I was into this, that would cut the heart out of me in my work area. I would not ever think of using a child in this manner but because of those who do and have and the press it has gotten caring parents are really cautious and who can blame them really.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Privacy...or secrecy? (8/27/2005 9:17:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: Anybody who can't afford to be outed should not be here. I agree with a lot of the things you say Ron but that is just silly. Let say that if I were outted, it would make life very uncomfortable for me. Would it be the end of my life? Nope. Would I overcome it? Of course, with the dignity and grace that I overcome everything. Would I feel shame? Not one little incling. But in the end, I know that being outed would affect my career because the environment that I work in, which is essentially all about power dynamics, is not ready to embrace someone who lives my lifestyle publically. That is perhaps one of the main reasons I'm not out publically. And in the end, it's really more about the fact that I like this little air of mystery that surrounds me when people don't really know what I'm up to exactly. Being subtle can give you the upper hand. - LA Well in a way I agree but on a different level. If I go to a club or munch, I don't expect others to take responsibility for MY presence. While I would like to think there's some general courtesy that you don't make spreadsheets of personal info and then go blabbing them all around, some people are just dorks, some people don't think, gossip abounds and if you TAKE the risk to go out in public, you simply can't rely on the "goodness of strangers." It's your own risk and you can't rely on anyone else to uphold your own risks. Being online only is a different experience and doesn't lend itself to the risks of being outed NEARLY as much. I would say I understand if someone needs secrecy and confidentiality. I myself can afford to be VERY out and active, but some of my partners cannot. I have to balance between that and learn where the lines are. But when getting into a relationship WITH ME, they obviously have to learn to trust me and bring me into their lives eventually. If their need for privacy is so great that they cannot allow a person into their lives, then I don't think a relationship can blossom.

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