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"willing to relocate" - 1/12/2008 11:30:37 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I've been thinking about money and relocation and bdsm for some time because my work contract ends in a few months and i am planning to leave where I live. The question for me is where to go next.... So it's on my mind. I don't want to be where I am - where there is virtually no scene and what there is must be underground because the laws are so stringent.

I'm curious as to how people think about this topic. Would you travel to meet someone? If so, how far? What would be the things that would factor into it? Who pays for the travel? Does it matter if the host is Dom/me vs sub? I'm thinking specifically about real life relationships. I don't want to just up and move for someone I don't know.

How has it worked for you in real life? Or how do you think of it in theory? Are they the same?

peace

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

Post #: 1

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/12/2008 11:39:00 PM

tinoketsheli

Posts: 50
Joined: 12/9/2007
Status: offline

in my opinion your best bet is to make the move first for yourself and to stablize you before you put the lifestyle first. Yes consider moving to a bigger area, there are many locations that have scenes - Atlanta, D.C., London, Houston, Chicago, the whole state of California, Las Vegas... and all over the world. Research before you move and then start talking to Dom/mes or subs - whoever your interested - nowish so you can at the very least have some friends to network with.

Good luck!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 2

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/12/2008 11:45:36 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Relocating depends entirely on the connection you feel to someone, how long you have known them, if you seriously think it is worth the risk of possibly spending a lot of money for very little at the other end.

I agree with sheli, move because you choose to, not to be in the lifestyle. BDSM isn't realistically 24/7 for the majority of people. You have a life to live too, friends, family, work. It's no use being where there's a big scene, but you live in a dump with cockroaches, starving and no work prospects.

Who pays for the travel expenses, etc? The one who wants it the most, I guess.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to tinoketsheli)

Post #: 3

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/12/2008 11:48:25 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

I've been giving serious thought to traveling to meet someone. Or inviting him up here. But we're still talking and getting to know each other better. If I were to visit him, I would pay to get there. If he were to come up here...I would expect him to pay to get here. I don't think one person (unless they absolutly insist) should be responsible for the financial end. I would only relocate if there was something OTHER than that person in the area they lived that I wanted. Moving to another state, or even country, for someone you do NOT know (a big debate about online relationships could definatly insue here) is too dangerous for me.

Now relocating somewhere with a bigger scene? I would DEFINATLY do it. I too live in an area where it's non existant. So I sympathize.

Good luck and be safe :)

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to tinoketsheli)

Post #: 4

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/12/2008 11:53:12 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I've been thinking about money and relocation and bdsm for some time because my work contract ends in a few months and i am planning to leave where I live. The question for me is where to go next.... So it's on my mind. I don't want to be where I am - where there is virtually no scene and what there is must be underground because the laws are so stringent.

I'm curious as to how people think about this topic. Would you travel to meet someone? If so, how far? What would be the things that would factor into it? Who pays for the travel? Does it matter if the host is Dom/me vs sub? I'm thinking specifically about real life relationships. I don't want to just up and move for someone I don't know.

How has it worked for you in real life? Or how do you think of it in theory? Are they the same?

peace

I relocated 200 miles to be near my boy. It was extremely difficult on both of us when the only time we saw each other was every other weekend. I never regretted moving. He couldn't move because he is a full time collage student. I had the means to move and I did. It helped and hindered us. I loved living near him, but on the other hand, his grades dropped considerably because we spent so much time together. Now I insist that his studies come first and foremost. I do not live close to him anymore, I left for health reasons (I would have died had I stayed) and we are working on our LDR again. It is hard and sometimes heartbreaking, but I am confident that after he graduates we will be back together, or at least in the same neighborhood <s> You can do a search on my name as there was a very good thread on Dom Drop and separation anxiety. It helped me a lot and I learned so much from it.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 5

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 12:52:27 AM

moir

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline

i am soon t o relocate to be with my Master. i will be giving up everything that i have where i am....and i am more than happy to do so. there is nothing that i need more than to be with Him..

moir

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 6

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 12:56:06 AM

neph

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

A former slave of mine relocated cross country to be with me. It went well. We're not together any more, but it lasted a few years and was good for both of us. She's still in the area and we're still friends.

I suppose it would depend on what's tying you to a place.

Who pays for the travel? Whoever can and wants to. I've flown places to meet people, had them fly to me, flown people here. I don't think there needs to be any sort of protocol to it.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 7

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 12:57:46 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I used to travel but I won't any more. it's not worth it to me. If and it's a big IF there was something I wanted to see and they were on the way I could see about it. Or if my Daddy dom could come with me. Other wise they have to come here, end of story. And it's not just a kink descion either it'd be for family too. I went to my brother's wedding in october payed like 400 dollars to go, and he treated me like shit for most of my stay, and made me regret coming. So Daddy's declared I am NOT in anyway to go back to lyns alone.

I payed for it all when I traveled, I think now whom evers idea it was should pay. but then I also think it's better for me to pay so they don't try the whole I paid for it you owe me shit that some would try. I think it don't matter if you're a D or an S just a better policy to pay your own way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I'm curious as to how people think about this topic. Would you travel to meet someone? If so, how far? What would be the things that would factor into it? Who pays for the travel? Does it matter if the host is Dom/me vs sub? I'm thinking specifically about real life relationships. I don't want to just up and move for someone I don't know.

How has it worked for you in real life? Or how do you think of it in theory? Are they the same?

peace

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 8

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 2:09:48 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: moir

i am soon t o relocate to be with my Master. i will be giving up everything that i have where i am....and i am more than happy to do so. there is nothing that i need more than to be with Him..

moir

Congratulations and welcome to the forums :)

_____________________________

(in reply to moir)

Post #: 9

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 2:10:15 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

For a number of years I traveled between the US and Israel. I met Aba here in the States (he was working here) and I went to him when he was back home. He paid but the relationship was already established.

Prior to establishing a relationship, it makes sense to distribute the expense equitably (unless one party simply offers to pay). If you can't afford at least half your travel expenses, though, I would say don't offer to travel unless you hear the phrase "Come see me - I'll pay for your ticket and hotel."

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 10

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 2:12:08 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: neph

A former slave of mine relocated cross country to be with me. It went well. We're not together any more, but it lasted a few years and was good for both of us. She's still in the area and we're still friends.

I suppose it would depend on what's tying you to a place.

Who pays for the travel? Whoever can and wants to. I've flown places to meet people, had them fly to me, flown people here. I don't think there needs to be any sort of protocol to it.

Agree with that. It depends a lott on the situation. It is something that happpens, you have to evaluate when the time comes....and not fight..but solve the problems there. IF you love eachother besides that...is getting the money together an issue then?

(in reply to neph)

Post #: 11

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 4:12:34 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I really appreciate all the responses. It warms my heart to hear of the joys in people's lives and the hopes when challenges rear their heads.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship if I couldn't work. I like to work, I love my job, and my job as it is now includes long term travel which I love. I'm considering now whether I want to give that up... but I do want to be near a major international airport if I continue to live abroad.

It's funny how sometimes we don't realize the number of details necessary to keep this lifestyle outside of our home countries. I had no idea how difficult it would be when I came here. It is one of the reasons I am considering returning to the States... Not the only one or the major one of course, but one of them.

But all things require sacrifice.

I am loving the stories, please keep them coming. Smiles.
peace

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 12

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 4:22:12 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I really appreciate all the responses. It warms my heart to hear of the joys in people's lives and the hopes when challenges rear their heads.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship if I couldn't work. I like to work, I love my job, and my job as it is now includes long term travel which I love. I'm considering now whether I want to give that up... but I do want to be near a major international airport if I continue to live abroad.

It's funny how sometimes we don't realize the number of details necessary to keep this lifestyle outside of our home countries. I had no idea how difficult it would be when I came here. It is one of the reasons I am considering returning to the States... Not the only one or the major one of course, but one of them.

But all things require sacrifice.

I am loving the stories, please keep them coming. Smiles.
peace

When there was no internet and forums...it was harder to be in a lifestyle..or even know they excisted.
Now you can be who you are....but the downside (well not the right word) is that with the internet you can fall in love with some one far way.
In both way..there are no limits anymore

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 13

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 4:28:06 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I'm curious as to how people think about this topic. Would you travel to meet someone? If so, how far?

SO is traveling from OR to here (again) and in March or April, i'm visiting OR to chec out housing/schools/etc - so to answer your questions, yes we would travel to be with each other and cross 2 times to do it.

quote:

What would be the things that would factor into it?

trust first of all as well as love for each other and wanting to build a solid relationship not with just me however with my UMs since they will be relocating far from relatives and friends.

quote:

Who pays for the travel?

we pay for our own travel however he's staying with me inside of booking a hotel/motel outside city limits. when i visit OR, i'll be traveling by train and staying with him,

quote:

Does it matter if the host is Dom/me vs sub?

it did for Daddy. He wasn't too keen about me traveling out west alone and said it would be best if he visited me a couple of times to meet my parents and sibs, and then the UMS before heading west to meet his. this is will be his first time seeing and meeting my girls ...they are so excited too. since he's staying longer than he did the 1st time - i have lots planned for us as a couple and as a family to do.

quote:

I'm thinking specifically about real life relationships. I don't want to just up and move for someone I don't know.

quite understandable however in my case, i weighed not my reasons why for moving but also took into consideration my UMs' opinions about this - mainly my oldest. i was surprised she was ok with this. she cannot wait to leave Chicago and all of the bad memories (from her train accident) behind. even though, this idea isn't going well with the ex however he doesn't have much of a say since i was awarded full custody of my UMs. now my youngest - she's excited as well about traveling west by train. i don't think relocating to OR will effect her emotionally since she's still young.

in theory, i think it will take me some time to adjust to the PST versus CST or not being surrounded by the rock star life with the many bands i know here however there are many more waiting to be "discovered" out there - so i'll still have my nightlife and fun. other adjustments would be having family togetherness (something i don't really experience with my own) during the holidays and whatnot. for my UMs being in new schools and making new friends especially my oldest. i think she'll do ok in that dept.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 14

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 4:40:13 AM

taintedgypsy

Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

I moved across the country to where I knew no one but him, I visited a few times and felt it had a lot to offer and so I did. It meant leaving my daughter (19yrs old), my family and friends. I started a job like nothing I had ever done and lived 2hrs away from him … he was busy with Uni, I worked such long hrs I was always exhausted and stressed, and life fell to pieces and the relationship went down with it.

Do I regret the decision to move, no ... but only just no, it is so close to a regret it is scary.

Would I do it again … maybe but it would be different … I would move for me and my priority would be starting a new life for me, I would concentrate on settling myself before I would make the Dom my priority, you must have stability within to be partner to a stable relationship.

Expense … bloody expensive … for both of us and other than some good memories nothing to show for it, my finances are more stable but my debt is greater and I have so much less to show for where I am in life.

My advice … be really sure before you do it and not just that the significant other but that the place, job ect are suitable for you and that you feel you can make a life for yourself there, the relationship can not be the “be all and end all” until it is stable.

It exasperated existing problems, made me vulnerable to the darker side of life and eventually I all but died of loneliness and deprivation of human companionship and came home a mess. It has taken 9mths to get strong and healthy again and it will be a long time, if ever, before I will enter another relationship … but I am enjoying life now.

It is a shame to allow fear to deprive you of a chance at happiness yet be cautious and do not underestimate how devastating leaving everything you know and love can be.

_____________________________

..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 5:18:57 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

I travel to meet new people I connect with, even now I am in and out of NYC once a month...have been asked to relocate there, but I am not ready to jump into that craziness...I would relocate for the right person in a heartbeat...

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to taintedgypsy)

Post #: 16

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 5:54:38 AM

wisteriaV

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Master is from California and lived in Michigan at the time. I was from NY living in Missouri when we met online. I moved to Michigan to him and then we moved to NY after about six months. I paid for my own relocation expenses to him. Its been over three years and soo worth it.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 17

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 6:05:35 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

This topic has been on my own mind. This year I want to relocate somewhere, but where exactly I don't know yet.    Some place that has not only a BDSM scene but also some form of Music Scene.   In terms of BDSM scene, that is only important to me since it increases my odds at finding a kinky partner in crime.

I've gone through a lot of major life changes in the last 4 years. You know the end of the Movie Braveheart where Mel Gibson is screaming out "Freedom" at the end.

So yeah, I'm open to exploring relocation options with somebody. Hell, even with somebody who's open to relocating themselves.   I have a few goals I want and feel I need to achieve this year,  with or without somebody in my life.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 18

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 6:21:57 AM

yourgrrl

Posts: 22
Status: offline

i recently travelled to meet my Domme and it was a wonderful trip. we did so many nice things together , just everyday things and we grew so much even in a short amount of time. we knew each other for months before the trip and once i was there i knew she was the one for me and i know we will do our very best to make the LDR work. i feel blessed having met Her and i will be learning each day more and more how to serve Her even though we are miles apart. for now we will just make the most of what we have and when i can visit i will and when she wants i will do my very best to make it happen. Thank You Mistress Patricia
yourgrrl

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 19

RE: "willing to relocate" - 1/13/2008 6:28:17 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

The worst thing about distance is the "missing" aftherwards

(in reply to yourgrrl)

Post #: 20

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