RE: "willing to relocate"

RE: "willing to relocate" (Full Version)

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magicone -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 6:35:34 AM)
i do relocate soon and move a real huge instance as well.... germany - states is a distance - isnt it?? smile i give all up so far.. and happily i do, cause my trust and love is deep... i personally think Love has nothing to do with financial things so far, even we have to make sure that we are able to pay our bills and to make sure we survive as well... esepcially when kids are involved.. but here we are a team.. a couple and work on that together... so finally it is all about your feelings, the trust you have.... who said guarantee will be there?? for me there would be no other way... i have never let circumstances determined where Love guides me... but hey thats just me - smile -

Rover -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 6:36:19 AM)
It may "warm your heart" to see everyone's response, but keep in mind that they are all uniquely subjective and situational. What others decide to do should not influence your decision making process. quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Would you travel to meet someone? I have many times. And I prefer to do so relatively soon after meeting someone of interest, rather than investing valuable time, effort and emotion by dragging it out over the telephone and internet only to find that we just don't "click" when we meet. quote: If so, how far? I live in Pennsylvania and have traveled as far as California in order to do so. quote: What would be the things that would factor into it? Means to travel (time, money, etc.), the dedication to travel with regularity in order to nurture the relationship, and a shared objective should the relationship progress to a mutual satisfaction (there's no point in making the effort if you're not ultimately headed to the same place, geographically, emotionally, etc.). quote: Who pays for the travel? That often depends upon who is doing the traveling and/or who can best afford it. quote: Does it matter if the host is Dom/me vs sub? Initially I prefer to allow the submissive to "host", in that I will travel to her so she's in her own environment. I like to make it clear that the only thing she is obligated to is dinner and conversation. If there's no mutual interest, we say good night and go on our merry way. I travel frequently and am comfortable doing so, and don't mind taking the risk that I may be spending a day or two entertaining myself out of town. quote: I'm thinking specifically about real life relationships. I don't want to just up and move for someone I don't know. I think it's highly unrealistic to consider moving for someone you don't know, and to think that you can truly "know" someone via telephone and the internet without the benefit of a considerable amount of time in each other's company on a face to face basis. Though, that does not stop some people from being unrealistic. Go figure. quote: How has it worked for you in real life? It has always worked out perfectly well, which is not to say that each meeting turned into a relationship. If you go with the expectation that you're already in a relationship, be prepared for a lot of heartbreak. In truth, each meeting is just a step in exploring the possibility of a relationship. In each and every instance I have, at the minimum, enjoyed a fine meal with some great conversation with someone whose company I thoroughly enjoyed. I consider that to have "worked out" in that it was the reason we decided to meet in the first place. Anything beyond that is a bonus. quote: Or how do you think of it in theory? Are they the same? I'm not really sure what this means. If you're asking whether people get their hopes up about meeting, then sure, that's common. And one of the reasons I prefer to meet relatively soon, so that people haven't bought into hope too deeply, and are disappointed by reality. And the reality is, we just might not click. John

Rover -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 6:41:17 AM)
Oh, one more thing.... When initially meeting I make it very clear that no matter how well we click, there will be no play, no scening, nothing sexual, I won't exert any Dominance, etc. We're just getting together to meet and get to know one another. That takes the pressure off any concerns or expectations surrounding those issues, ensures that people can make decisions that aren't based upon the heat of the moment, and affords us the opportunity to talk without being distracted. Besides, if we don't click then there are no hurt feelings.... or worse. I'm not suggesting that everyone do as I do, of course. Just sharing personal experiences. John

LadyLolly -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 11:25:34 AM)
I would echo much of your view. We are a mobile society anymore. Travel is not that big of a deal. It has also been my experience that meeting some one of interest relatively soon in person is wise, as is the first visit being purely social in nature. It's easy to build up an entirely distorted picture of someone you have never actually met and the longer it goes on the more likely the distortion will be greater. If you all don't click well face to face at least a pleasant trip and a possible friendship can be salvaged rather than a total disaster of impossible to reconcile expectations. As for the origional poster, look to your own needs personally and professionally. Move to where there is more "scene"/community that also can benefit your career if that's what you feel you want. Don't feel you have to find someone/ "the One" to move to in the next few months - puts too much pressure on yourself and them. Act in haste, repent at liesure. If and when it's right to consider relocating for someone you'll work it out. It certainly doesn't hurt to make new friends or find helpful resources to get the scoop on where you might be considering moving too. Personally, a bad experience in bringing a foriegn national to the states so no more importing for me. The responsibility for uprooting them from thier country, profession, family, everything, put me in one hell of a bad situation that ethically I felt I had to shoulder even when they were the one to break trust. I'm sure that for others it has worked out fine for. Have also been the relocating spouse in the past, making my career secondary, divorced and stranded half the country away from any support network of family, frends and the familiar - it's not a good time. Can certainly relate and ethically would not do that to another that relocated for me - but that's me. Others obviously would. Now, I've finally recovered from all this, choosen a new place to be, where I wanted to be for myself, still away from those I know/home, but happy and doing well on my own. My point is, choosing where you want to be can be daunting and exciting - the whole world is out there, just don't minimize the reality of consideration for the potential fallout if a move dosen't result in happily ever after - regardless if the move is just for yourself or to be with another. Best wishes in your adventure!

moonvine -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 1:28:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss I've been thinking about money and relocation and bdsm for some time because my work contract ends in a few months and i am planning to leave where I live. The question for me is where to go next.... So it's on my mind. I don't want to be where I am - where there is virtually no scene and what there is must be underground because the laws are so stringent. I'm curious as to how people think about this topic. Would you travel to meet someone? If so, how far? What would be the things that would factor into it? Who pays for the travel? Does it matter if the host is Dom/me vs sub? I'm thinking specifically about real life relationships. I don't want to just up and move for someone I don't know. How has it worked for you in real life? Or how do you think of it in theory? Are they the same? peace Lets see. About 15 years ago I moved to be with someone that I was pretty serious about. We had a LDR but I saw him at least twice a month - he would fly me to Oklahoma from New Orleans. Complete disaster. I got really depressed as I didn't have a job and had difficulty finding one, though I eventually did. He didn't know how to deal with this and how I had changed, and I was too young to recognize the depression for what it was at the time. He also discovered he didn't like BDSM as much as he thought he did or as much as I did - remember this was a long time ago and most places including where I came from in Alabama and where I moved to (OKC) had no public scene at all. Took me years to recover from this financially and emotionally. About 10 years ago I moved from OKC to New Mexico - Oklahoma by this time had the beginnings of a scene, the rural area of New Mexico where I moved had none. He ended up being abusive, and not in a good way. My fellow submissives were telling me to get out, and I wouldn't listen. I ended up in the battered women's shelter twice. It took me years to recover from that. I fled New Mexico with a suitcase and a cat. That's about all I had. Now I own my own home and I have been at the same job 8 years and there is less than no chance I would ever move for any person again. If I just wanted to move, that would still be problemmatic as I founded a charity and it isn't very mobile. I actually do want to move at the moment - somewhere where land is cheap and it isn't cold. I have no love for Austin as many do. But moving for a man - dominant or no - is not going to happen, not ever again. I would travel right this second to meet someone, within some reasonable distance, defined for me as 200 miles or so, since I'm on leave from work until Feb 1st, but the chances of meeting someone I'm wanting to travel to see between now and Feb 1st are remote.

kyraofMists -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 1:30:15 PM)
I traveled over 3,000 miles and another country to meet him and Alandra. That was about 3 years ago. Over the next two and a half years we all traveled to each other or met somewhere else depending on what worked out the best for him. A month ago, I finally moved in with them and became a permanent resident of Canada. So far it is working out great. I know that we are still within the "honeymoon" period, but we managed the stress of the holidays and my chest cold that is still lingering very well. One of the unexpected bonuses for me is that now that I am here Alandra is able to go and do things that she enjoys or wants to do. This Tuesday she is going out to a concert with a friend. If I was not here to take care of the house, she may not have been able to go. Knight's Kyra

HalloweenWhite -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 2:36:12 PM)
Im in the U.K and someone who was (once) important to Me was in the U.S, I was prepared to fly to her and then she waked away from U/us. The point is, its not right or wrong, its what you want that counts. Good luck.

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: "willing to relocate" (1/13/2008 2:59:11 PM)
for me, relocating would only come after a lengthy relationship and after i'd secured a good job in the new city. my family is important to me, so i would not want to move very far from "home" either! also, i would never move into someone else's home, as i've gotten burned doing that before, without a win-win financial situation set up. when the relationship goes sour, if your name isn't on the mortgage, you're fucked. besides, paying someone else's mortgage with nothing to show at the end of the day isn't my idea of submission..it's just stupidity (IMO). love is grand! but love doesn't usually last forever. i, for one, am not going to set myself up to get the short end of any stick! i'm a realist...despite my penchant for feel-good romantic movies... LOVED "Enchanted"!! bottom line for me: relocation is a long shot.....

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