not wishing to speak out of turn, but this man is not a Dom, he's a bully - and possibly a bully with something to hide. At best he's married, at worst he's in total ignorance about how any sensible woman would wish to ensure their personal safety regarding meeting strange men.
No, at worst, he is a mass murderer. Really. There have been mass murderers who have used BDSM sites as thier gleaning grounds. I am not saying not to meet people, I am simply saying, be safe.
Anyone who does not want to arrange a safe meeting does not get a meeting at all. I had one Dom tell me I would meet them in such and such a coffee house at 8 PM on a Friday. This was his first letter to me, initial contact.
I told him, one, I am not available on Friday nights becuase I must babysit my grandmother. Then I ignored that he sounded like an ignorant ass and asked him general questins, you know, on the off chance that he was a nice guy and had an off moment. "what do you like to do? What kinds of books do you like to read? What kinds of movies do you like?' That kind of thing.
He wrote and told me I had no right questioning him, that is not the way it works. I told him, if he didn't like those questions, he was not likely to be willing to give me adaquate safe call info, so we were not likely to meet. He wrote to tell me 'how it works'. Apparently, how it works is, since he was kind enough to be willing to meet me in a public place, everything was cool. We woul meet and chat for a half hour, and if he found me acceptable, he would show me his driver's licence. Uh, HELL NO. in half an hour, I can be chopped up in tiny pieces and buried in the park.
How it works is, before we meet, I get information. The Dom gets to decide what information he is willing to give me, but it must be suffiecient to the purpose: bluntly, if I don't come home, he has to be locatable from that information so questions about my whereabouts can be asked. We meet in a public place. I don't go private on the first few meetings, I don't play on the first few meetings. If he can't talk about anything besides sex and lifestyle, we don't get past the first couple of meetings - sorry, I am only interested in whole people.
During that first meeting, at a prearranged time, I call my safecall contact to let them know that I am, indeed, okay, and roughly when to expect me home. I use my Dad for this. He has the gentleman's peersonal infomration sitting in front of him, and he knows where the public meeting was to be. If I don't call, or if I do call, but I use my safeword, he would call the police. This is not putting a lot about sex or lifestyle in front of my dad, this is letting my father know that I keep myself safe on dates. He is comfortable doing this.
A safeword, in the sense of a safecall, is any one of the one million synonyms for 'good' in the english langauage. let's say you choose 'Hunky - Dorey' to be your safe word. You can say anything else - 'everything is fine' 'It's going great', whatever. But you only say, 'Oh, it's just Hunky - dorey' when things are not only NOT okay, but have went so far south that you have to pretend to be saying it's okay becuase pscho dude is listening. In other words, call in the calvery!
Keep yourself safe. Why would you even negotate with someone, considering the possiblity of ownership or play, who demonstrates that they are not interested in your safety and well being?
One of the ways a safe call works is as a filter. When a Dom won't co-operate with a safe call, he is a definate no, we are never going to meet, stop talking to him now before he traces my IP or phone and figures out where I live.
Another way safe calls work is as herd immunity. I am a pretty good judge of character. I have never had a scary meet, the scary stupid ones don't get that far with me. But everytime I do a safecall, and do it right, I make it more and more the standard of the community, thus making the world a little safer for younger, less experienced women. I am constantly explaining the safecall procedure to vanilla women, I don't understand why vanillas don't use them for blind dates. Truly.
Last comment - you don't say how you self identify. But, I am a slave. For a few years, I was an unowned slave. But, though I know some will disagree with this - as far as I was concerned, I was still a slave. That means, I already belonged to the wonderful man who now owns me, I just hadn't met him yet. That is how I viewed it. My master is out there. I am his property. It is my job to keep myself safe for him until we meet. Ask yourself, if the Master you haven't met yet was looking over your shoulder, is this guy a 'yea, go out with him, it might be me', or is this guy someone you could never possibly defend your decision to meet with to someone who cqared for your safety and was protecting you? an unowned slave must do for herself what her Master will have wanted her to do, what he would do for her, until she finds him.
