About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (Full Version)

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BabyKittyKat -> About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 11:00:39 AM)

Hi! Uhm, sorry to bother you with my stupid question, but you are the only people who I can ask..

Well, we`re 10 months together now. On first place is the love we have for each other, second - the BDSM aspect of our relationship. Since this is the most serious relationship for me ( I know it`s stupid, but we already have plans to be together for.. Hm. Ever? :) ), so I`m really scared about doing something wrong or stupid.

We`re into age play, but nothing referring to incest. Well, our age play games have been wonderful, but I feel I need something more. I really want to tell Him that I want to try the "Daddy thing", but I`m scared He`ll get disappointed by my intentions. Since He`s a psychologist, He has some strange perceptions of such things.. Once we were discussing about "Daddies, etc." (I didn`t tell Him I want to try it) and He said He doesn`t like that kind of stuff, though He hasn`t tried. I don`t know how to tell Him and not feel embarrassed after that... There`s an inner struggle. I really want it! But I`m afraid of His reaction! Please.. Help! :/



Justme696 -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 11:08:15 AM)

First, don't appologize for your question. We all have questions and want help.

I am not into age play, so I don't know how people respond to it. I know though that talking to a shrink is difficult ( i had a slave shrink once).
BUT.... you have a good relation...and...you have feelings that soemtime will explode inside you..if you don't tell.
I would tell him anyway...but beware...he can also say no when you tell him...and ofcourse can say..yes.
If you don't tell him....you always will have a no.





BabyKittyKat -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 11:17:20 AM)

Well, it`s not so much about the "no".. If He doesn`t want it, I can bare with that. But I`m scared what would He think afterwards. And also it won`t be pleasurable for Him to know I have some big desire, and He can`t fulfill it. Lol, I think I`m getting too complicated. Well, less words - more action. I`ll try to tell him. Maybe after a big bottle of beer :D *sigh*



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 11:22:27 AM)

If you allow your fear to control the relationship, then you won't have an honest relationship at all.  Do you want to have a relationship with someone who knows you, or someone you create just to be liked and accepted?



Justme696 -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 11:23:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If you allow your fear to control the relationship, then you won't have an honest relationship at all.  Do you want to have a relationship with someone who knows you, or someone you create just to be liked and accepted?


some people are so good in saying what I mean, thank you



BabyKittyKat -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 11:37:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If you allow your fear to control the relationship, then you won't have an honest relationship at all.  Do you want to have a relationship with someone who knows you, or someone you create just to be liked and accepted?


Thanks, I`ll try to be honest :) Hope it works well..





takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 11:50:38 AM)

You could leave hints such as a book or video lying around and then when he asks you about it. You could say that it's something you found interesting, then go from there. If he is receptive than continue to have a nice long talk, If he says are you nuts? then you just reply. Well it looked interesting in the store, and then you don't have to be embarrassed. Whatever you do, i wish you the best. i know how hard it can be.



cherrypez -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:17:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

You could leave hints such as a book or video lying around and then when he asks you about it. You could say that it's something you found interesting, then go from there. If he is receptive than continue to have a nice long talk, If he says are you nuts? then you just reply. Well it looked interesting in the store, and then you don't have to be embarrassed. Whatever you do, i wish you the best. i know how hard it can be.
IMO this repsonse would be sort of being deceptive.   A kink normally doesn't disappear.   If the OP really wants to experience this type of play, stuffing it inside because is worried about his reaction to might cause some discord at some point.  
   I personally agree with LA, be honest and tell him.   To the OP just because a certain type of play doesn't interest him, doesn't mean that he won't consent to that type of play just to please you.   



astarri -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:36:14 PM)

I agree .... there needs to be a good open discussion about it. Be prepared to answer questions about why you might enjoy it ...what aspects about this play is intriguing for you. What are the boundaries? Honest communication will take you where you need to be because that is being true to who you are. 



tulitukka -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:42:29 PM)

I suggest that you do it without beer. Start with telling him about your fear. Then you have no choice but to continue with the matter itself - and it's easier for him to remember to be extra cautious in his reactions.



Justme696 -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:44:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tulitukka

I suggest that you do it without beer. Start with telling him about your fear. Then you have no choice but to continue with the matter itself - and it's easier for him to remember to be extra cautious in his reactions.


that is a very good advise.
(and the beer would make it look if it just a game instead of serious...but i think it was a joke)




tulitukka -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:44:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

I agree .... there needs to be a good open discussion about it. Be prepared to answer questions about why you might enjoy it ...what aspects about this play is intriguing for you. What are the boundaries? Honest communication will take you where you need to be because that is being true to who you are.


Also remember. Answering that you don't know, but wish to understand yourself and it better is a good answer. We don't need to have answers for everything. Neither as submissives, nor as dominants.



astarri -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:48:53 PM)

Very good point tulitukka. Thank you for pointing that out



angelikaJ -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:50:43 PM)

Iagree with tulitukka: start by telling him about the fear.
You may be able to figure out what it is about wanting to incorporate a "daddy"  element into your play so that 1)he will understand and 2) the 2 of you will be able to find a compromise to fulfill those needs/wants/desires even if "Daddy" doesn't work for him.



MercTech -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:54:21 PM)

Tell him what you want and need.  You never know what will happen.

i.e.  When I was married I was trying very hard to be "vanilla".  It turns out my ex wanted other things but never let me know.  She left me and is now led around on a leash at parties.

Be honest with yourself and your partner aboout what you want.

Stefan



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:54:25 PM)

That's what she fears the most. Not that he'll say no, but that he'll do it just to please her and he won't like it. To her that is worse then if he just gave her a flat no.



cherrypez -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 12:59:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

That's what she fears the most. Not that he'll say no, but that he'll do it just to please her and he won't like it. To her that is worse then if he just gave her a flat no.
Really?   Well shut my mouth---I need to take a reading comprehension course because I didn't see that in her post and I reread it ten times.   



GoddessTeaze -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 1:01:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyKittyKat
I really want to tell Him that I want to try the "Daddy thing", but I`m scared He`ll get disappointed by my intentions.

you really do know that no one can answer this question then your Master himself right?
What are you scared off?
He can say alright I'm willing to try, or say No that's not My cuppa T, or even say I will think about it...

If He loves you, which it sounds like, he is ready to listen to you at least right?

Sit Him down hon, and talk about it!
Get it over with !!
[:D]

Goodluck & Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`



AquaticSub -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 1:02:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If you allow your fear to control the relationship, then you won't have an honest relationship at all.  Do you want to have a relationship with someone who knows you, or someone you create just to be liked and accepted?


What she said. You can drop hints all day long, doesn't mean he is going to pick up on them.



Elorin -> RE: About age play.. I`m ashamed to tell Him! :/ (1/13/2008 1:02:13 PM)

I can understand not wanting to tell him, or being afraid to tell him. But don't be ashamed of your desires. Don't be ashamed to tell him the truth, whether he is ever able to fulfill that fantasy for you or not.

And remember, he said he'd never tried it before. If he is willing to give being "Daddy" a go, for you, he may find that where he THOUGHT it would be all bad for him, once he tries it, it works out well for him.

~Elorin, whose Daddy WolfWere is very loving and nurturing



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