Asking for a "want"...

Asking for a "want"... (Full Version)

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smilezz -> Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 6:30:33 AM)
A few days ago, i approached Thorns and told Him of a few thoughts i had on a particular item...it's a "want" on my part. After i got done speaking with Him about this....i started to feel really bad about it. This Man allows me so much...gives me so much....what right do i have to ask for something else? I started thinking even more about this, i felt ashamed for my actions in even asking. Then of course i started beating myself up over the fact that 'i' thought i was being selfish too. I approached Thorns again, told Him how a girl felt and He said: It's not wrong to want, pet. We sat and talked about this for some time...He said He understood my wants...He also understands my needs for that matter...He takes mental notes and tucks them away. I am very glad that we have the relationship that we do....i can speak to Him about anything at anytime....sometimes i guess i just feel like i am being selfish for even thinking about what it is that "I WANT". I guess my question through all this is: Does anyone else feel like this? (Or am i just on an emotional rollercoaster because one of our chiclets is leaving.) Happy Saturday... ~smilezz~

imtempting -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 7:29:04 AM)
We all want things. Your dominant would want you happy. Otherwise if your not getting what you want out of it then you could pack up and leave. It annoys me when all these submissives feel depressed when or after asking something. Its about communication. I was taught to tell my dominant everything and well telling them what you want is pretty much obeying their rules...

smilezz -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 7:50:40 AM)
I really do understand that it's about communication. I have been sitting here thinking about this even more....i think it has more to do on an emotional level right now since one of our chiclets(unmentionables) is leaving today. I am not really the type of person that gets easily depressed, oh sure....it does happen from time to time....in hindsight, i think i have my answer. Thanks for your input! Happy Saturday! ~smilezz~

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 9:06:40 AM)
It's extremely common. One of the hardest things to give up control over is receiving pleasure. Subs tend to be "people pleasers" and find it very hard to deal with situations where they aren't DOING things to make others happy and just have to accept pleasure from others. It's also pretty vulnerable to admit you want something. So yeah, very common, but a fabulous thing once you finally let go of control over it.

happypervert -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 10:07:29 AM)
I don't feel like that but amd tossing my $0.02 in about the larger issue. There are probably plenty of other things that you want; this particular item likely was high enough on the list to tell him about it. That makes it something he should know, and therefore no problem. Some others may lack your self-awareness and could be like a kid in a toy store always saying "I want" and being a nag. Somewhere there is a line between good communication and being a pain in the ass; sounds like you're safely on the good side of that line. I suppose its keeps yourself honest to continue beating yourself up over stuff like this, but I'd suggest just doing it a little and then don't worry about it.

perverseangelic -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 10:41:38 AM)
Yes, yes yes! It is -very- hard for me to ask for something that I'd like, even if that like is really important. I feel like my partner does -so- much for me, fufills everything that I am, who am I to ask for something that just might feel good. It's hard to think that'd he'd -want- to know what I want, and that it's ok to present it in the right way. I feel selfish any time I voice something like that and tend to backpedal a lot, which makes him mad. The whole situation ends up getting icky.

MrThorns -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 4:24:48 PM)
I believe that there are healthy degrees of selfishness as there are unhealthy degrees of selfishness. To want something for yourself is a natural thing. Problems with selfishness occur when the person is willing to destroy, undermine, or corrupt something else to get whatever it is that they want. ~Thorns

brightspot -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/27/2005 10:41:51 PM)
I have the same feelings smilezz, my Domina showers me with simple pleasures and surprises and it is very hard for me, say if we are out and I see something I really really would love to have, it is very difficult for me to ask..... But then it is also true that if we get home and I am moody or feeling down about it, she will be upset to know that that is was it is and that I didn't ask. Like She says....I can always ask, but She can also say no[&:]. It's still hard though[;)]. *Brightspot

Ceyx -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/28/2005 10:43:26 AM)
For the record, I encourage my miss to talk to me about her wants and desires as well as her needs, and often I permit or fulfill them to the extent that I may and consistent with what I see as the nature of our relationship-- not because I have to, but because I love her and want her to be happy. There's nothing inherently disobedient or 'un-submissive' about wanting, and ultimately I'll make the decision based on my sense of miss' best interest. I'm perfectly comfortable taking her wants into consideration; indeed, it helps me in my role to know what she's thinking. If I feel that miss is becoming overly self-centered-- scarcely a danger-- I will certainly let her know. If I were you, I really wouldn't worry about it, especially if you've been encouraged to express yourself in this way.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Asking for a "want"... (8/28/2005 11:05:27 AM)
What a beautiful way to put it Ceyx. It echoes my sentiments exactly as far as my relationships are concerned. Thank you for this contribution. - LA

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