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[Poll]

Safewords

I am a Dominant, using safewords is topping from the bottom.

2% (2)

I am a Dominant, using safewords is a necessary safety precaution.

36% (27)

I am a submissive, using safewords is topping from the bottom.

10% (8)

I am a submissive, using safewords is a necessary safety precaution.

49% (36)

Total Votes : 73

(last vote on : 8/29/2008 4:21:45 PM)
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RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 7:29:34 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

You missed a few options: I am a Dominant and I do not use safe words because I know My submissive and the trust is there.

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 21

RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 7:32:52 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Safe words in general can be a safety precaution when trying something new. Anything, be it safe words or dangerous activities, can be abused. It is not topping from the bottom to use a safe word to stop an activity that is not going right. It IS topping to use one to stop something becasue you are being difficult and it wasnt going the way you wanted it to. I dont have a specific safe word for Fox, if he says no or please stop, I do. I dont trust word choices that might take too much thought, since they can be forgotten.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 22

RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 7:50:35 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

I encourage and enjoy it when the subject at hand begs, screams, howls & protests, so I do think a safeword to mark something that requires my immediate attention- Arm coming out of the socket, candles set her hair on fire, cat decided to sharpen his claws on her thigh (actually happened- I was looking the other way<g>)Etc,<g>.

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-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 23

RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 8:05:42 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I haven't read the thread. I did not vote because my answer is not on there...

Safewords are a useful communication tool that some employ to help them maintain safety. They are not necessary for everyone, they are not topping from the bottom either...

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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 24

RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 10:13:57 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

They are a necessity, always, for me. That doesn't mean they ever have to be used.

I recall finding that ice inserted certain places made me nauseous, and waiting to actually vomit during a scene, unless that is one's kink, would seem foolish to me. I have had dominants who thought I didn't safeword often enough. I'm sure there are dominants who would think I safeword too much.

If people want to think that's topping from the bottom, well, people have thought worse things of me and probably will again.

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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 25

RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 11:40:23 PM

Feric

Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline

When my partner and I got started, the first thing we did was agree on a Safeword. Since we're both new to thel ifestyle, we agreed that there had to be a check against the passions that will undoubtedly be released.

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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 26

RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 11:43:50 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I haven't read the thread. I did not vote because my answer is not on there...

Safewords are a useful communication tool that some employ to help them maintain safety. They are not necessary for everyone, they are not topping from the bottom either...

Agreed. Nor do I believe they are any indication of a lack of trust. We are humans and cannot always know what is going on with the other person. Not knowing does not equate to not trusting.

_____________________________

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 27

RE: Safewords - 1/13/2008 11:47:27 PM

KnOcala

Posts: 260
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I believe it is for safety and not a lack of trust. Everyone is different and if you are really pushing someone or testing their limits you have to be responsible to their desires as well as safety.
A scenne that goes bad could have terrible results for both parties. A lack of trust would be abusing safe words trying to control a scene to the subs wishes by using safe words for anything else and I don't believe to many people would tolerate that,

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 28

RE: Safewords - 1/14/2008 12:07:34 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

We've known each other 2 1/2 years and lived 24/7 for 2 years. We still have safewords. We consider them a communication tool. You see, as much as i trust him and wish he had super human powers, he is not a mind reader. In the heat of the moment i am sometimes unable to use regular words to tell him what might be wrong. Hence, the safeword which is easy to say and remember.

We do not consider a safeword as a lack of trust. On the contrary, he trusts that i will use it if necessary, and i trust that he will appropriately respond upon my saying it. In other words, a safeword is part of our trust in each other.

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Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 29

RE: Safewords - 1/14/2008 6:03:12 AM

acissej

Posts: 2370
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

My husband and I have been together for nine years, and though we had a safeword in the first few years, I never used it. I'm not sure he'd even remember it if I suddenly called it out. If I want him to stop (or vice versa since we occasionally switch), I can communicate that without a specific safeword. He knows if I say "no" or "stop" or whatever, I really mean it, and he'll stop. It's not because we think safewords show a lack of trust or topping from the bottom. It's just the way our relationship works.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 30

RE: Safewords - 1/14/2008 6:24:51 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

The only time I feel I'd need to "safe word out" with Mistress is if we try something completely new and it's too unpleasant to continue, like a new bondage position that is very hard on my damaged knees or shoulders. Assuming we've played enough for Her to know my limits, how much She could push them, and how well She'd know my body and facial expressions, I honestly don't see a need for one. It's not a lack of trust in Her should I feel I need one, it's just a matter of safety.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to acissej)

Post #: 31

RE: Safewords - 1/14/2008 6:30:40 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

~FR~

I am not a fan of safe words in any situation

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(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 32

RE: Safewords - 1/15/2008 10:36:56 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

"Safe words in substantial play (i.e. not play party short term or hookups) can indicate a lack of trust. If Y/you feel that there is a need for safewords, it may indicate that there is not enough trust from one person to the other for a scene to occur."

I can't vote because I don't fit any of them. I feel that if the bottom feels they need one, they can use one and it's not topping from the bottom, but, I don't feel that safewords are always necessary. I feel that they are often used as poor shortcuts for REAL communication. If that communication is in place, they aren't needed. So, I find some truth in the above quote.

However, I do feel there are specific scenes where they are necessary. Any scene where the submissive is expected to resist, say no, yell for help, etc. etc. needs a code word that means, "Hey, there really IS a problem."

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 33

RE: Safewords - 1/17/2008 11:13:21 AM

marsman

Posts: 115
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

For me as a Dominant, safewords help me communicate with a submissive and as a ritual it helps me to start being more serious and attentive.

Safewords are not a matter of trust, they are a matter of communication. I can't read my submissive's mind, so if she gets a cramp or a rope starts pinching or something else I don't detect, then she has a way of "telling" me that something is wrong.

As a practical matter, a Dominant should never rely on a submissive to give her safeword. Usually when something goes wrong in a scene the Dominant must act to stop the scene even before the submissive communicates that something is wrong.

_____________________________

Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 34

RE: Safewords - 1/17/2008 12:23:33 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

Your safe words are only as good as in whom you trust with them,,Trust,a 5 lettered word that bannered about frequently and given falsely in many case,WE don't use a safe word ,we believe that after our many years we know the difference between "discomfort' and the real need for play to stop..communication,a 13 letter word.wow this is getting scary..Talking is not communicating unless both sides hear and understands what is to happen..

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to marsman)

Post #: 35

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