Between Bliss and Rage.

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herpreferance -> Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 8:17:39 PM)
Well here I am again seeking advice from you folks, I have posted once before and the advice ive gotten has been wonderful. Thank you all so much. But as life has it i am in dire need of (yeah you guessed it) advice. So if you would please bear with me this might seem a bit convoluted. A bit of background if i may. Week before last i lost my job and as circumstances have it we have no money coming in. We are not going to be homeless but the stress level is up there needless to say and will be until i find another job. And as we live on the rural coastal area good jobs are not that plentiful. But they are there. It just takes time. Nothing new there. There is also in the works it seems a move to the Texas area with my Miss later this spring. But i digress. i seem to be floating between rage and bliss with my emotions. There is no balance so to speak. i was to have stopped smoking over a year ago. Not only have i not stopped ive lied about doing so to M’Lady. there have been several instances over the last year when i was supposed to have stopped. Miss left a pack on the table that she had taken away from me earlier, assudred that i would not take any. and i stole two of them from the pack. As i have before and gotten caught at it. i betrayed her trust and i seem to be doing this on a regular basis as of late. Like once every two weeks or so. It's like this inner child saying"how much trouble can we get into today?!" im going to be very lucky to just acquire a few bruises, but that’s not the worst of it. i have disappointed my Miss. Greatly. And words were said in anger. And that above all else is what distresses me most. Last week M’Lady and i played, we did some things we had talked about and it was wonderful. Now im lying to her and getting angry at getting caught!! If i had just come to her and told her i was having a problem with my smoking could It wait till the stress level got a bit better? Everything would have been fine. But did i do that? Nooooo!!! i had to get the drama going and get her angry, me angry at getting her angry, and just generally screw things up! i cannot come up with a logical reason as to why i am doing this, why i am acting this way. Its almost as if i am accepting my submission to this wonderful person but doing it kicking and screaming all the way. and doing everything in my power to screw it up, when to be M'Ladys submissive is all i want . Between our playtimes i am chaste, it has been said that being chaste makes the sub more attentive to his Dommes needs. What i am finding out is it does just the opposite to me. it makes me a pissy,bitchy, sub. And i don't know it that's has anything to do with it one way or another. And i am pissed at myself for being in what seems to be this self destructive mind set im in. We have talked and seem to be ok for the moment but i am not going to get many more chances at this. We love each other very much but that will only go so far. i don’t really know what to do or think. Perhaps now would be a fine time to do nothing. Any advice would be appreciated Herpreferance

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 8:20:59 PM)
It seems as if life has seen fit to throw you into the time where things will shift. I say take the bull by the horns and make it complete- out yourself. Fully. THen decide if this relationship really is what will work for you.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 9:07:25 PM)
I'm not sure if LA is serious, but, she usually gives the best advice, so I assume so. That's not always a good option for everyone, so, in case you can't do that, why don't you try taking things in baby steps? I think your Misstress should set some good healthy guidelines for you to follow in terms of exercise, eating right, looking for a job, and yes, even cigarettes. (perhaps she could start you out at three a day...especially while you are going through this stressful time? She should also make a list of how many calls you should make a day looking for employment, how many interviews to go on, and give you advice on your resume. I think she should also give you some 'fun' and 'relaxing' tasks as well, because that is important also. Maybe if she can help you in these areas, the cigarettes won't be needed quite so much. Oh, and btw, I totally understand. I'm very naughty sometimes too, and I'm not always sure why. ~Christina

SimplyMichael -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 9:08:53 PM)
Children act out because they don't know how to deal with their emotions.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 9:14:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Children act out because they don't know how to deal with their emotions. Shut up! I'm telling! LA!!!!.....

pixelslave -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 9:18:51 PM)
Clearly, you're under a lot of stress. Quitting smoking is not an easy thing to do, even under the best of circumstances. Are you doing it for yourself or for your Mistress? I ask because it's really something you need to do for yourself. It's even more difficult to do for someone else. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] More importantly, you need to decide how important honesty is going to be in your relationship! If you taken or stolen cigarettes, or violated other commitments to your Mistress, then you need to come clean with her on everything you can think of. If she can't trust you completely and vice versa, then you don't want to be living this lifestyle with her. Imagine being bound and totally helpless when she decides she's had enough of your lies and it's time for you to get your due! No thanks! [&:] - pixel

Siona -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 9:19:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Children act out because they don't know how to deal with their emotions. So very true!

untrainedKajira -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 9:25:39 PM)
Interesting thread. in My opinion you need a time out (no pun intended SimplyMicheal ) but i think whats going on has over whelmed you, and you have gone back to basic instincts of as you say being bitchy and what not, you need to go to her and ask "can i tell you something but promise me you wont be mad or yell at me" or something along those lines, and just let it all out, and then see how you feel, also ask her if she could do those things that xxblushesxx said, it will all help on some level or not, your M'Lady cant help you fully unless She knows all of whats happening

dcnovice -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/13/2008 9:34:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Children act out because they don't know how to deal with their emotions. Just children?

DesFIP -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 3:38:23 AM)
Rage is not an uncommon reaction when people try to quit smoking. You're an addict. She's announced you are not to be one anymore. Do you think that would work if you were addicted to heroin? Or drinking a bottle of scotch a day? Really think someone could tell you to stop and you would, with no problems? You would lie, cheat and steal to maintain the addiction. You have been. About 20% of smokers are severely addicted. You appear to be part of that. And for that 20% it may be impossible to quit. It certainly is impossible to go cold turkey without rage and anger coming out. Did it come out on the job site? You need help quitting, medical help. Zyban, patch, gum, hypnosis, acupuncture, Smokenders - as many as possible at once. And she needs a lot more education about the difficulties of quitting smoking and the mechanism of nicotine addiction than she's bothered to get.

taintedgypsy -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 4:01:50 AM)
There is no rage involved in giving up smoking ... just because I WOULD CUT THE HEART OUT OF MY GRANDMOTHER AND SELL IT ON THE BLACK MARKET FOR JUST ONE F#####ING SMOKE ... is not any sign of rage ... really it is safe to come near me. I know there is never going to be a good time to give up smoking ... but I am seriously considering giving up giving up for a couple of weeks till some things in life settle just a f##king little. I want a T-shirt that says ... I began smoking again for YOUR personal safety! just my 2 cents worth

pixelslave -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 10:06:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy There is no rage involved in giving up smoking ... just because I WOULD CUT THE HEART OUT OF MY GRANDMOTHER AND SELL IT ON THE BLACK MARKET FOR JUST ONE F#####ING SMOKE ... is not any sign of rage ... really it is safe to come near me. I know there is never going to be a good time to give up smoking ... but I am seriously considering giving up giving up for a couple of weeks till some things in life settle just a f##king little. I want a T-shirt that says ... I began smoking again for YOUR personal safety! just my 2 cents worth I quit many, many years ago. It was well over 20 years in fact that I quit a 2+/day habit (about 1985 or 1986). I found the original Nicorette chewing gum to be greatly helpful to me. It tasted horrible at the time (was prescription only back then) and I used dentine chewing gum with it to help make it taste better. I was highly motivated at the time as my blood was getting so thick, my doctor told me I'd need to have her withdraw some on a regular basis if I continued to smoke (my body wasn't getting enough oxygen because of the heavy smoking, so it thought it needed to produce more red blood cells) and that I'd be lucky to live until I was 40. I turned 50 last month. [:D] I've never regretted quitting and have greatly enjoyed the benefits it brought to me. I've done things since then that I'd never been able to do had I continued smoking. I wouldn't have wanted to miss those things for the world! [8D] - pixel

breatheasone -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 10:10:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy There is no rage involved in giving up smoking ... just because I WOULD CUT THE HEART OUT OF MY GRANDMOTHER AND SELL IT ON THE BLACK MARKET FOR JUST ONE F#####ING SMOKE ... is not any sign of rage ... really it is safe to come near me. I know there is never going to be a good time to give up smoking ... but I am seriously considering giving up giving up for a couple of weeks till some things in life settle just a f##king little. I want a T-shirt that says ... I began smoking again for YOUR personal safety! just my 2 cents worth OMG do I understand you.

domahpet -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 10:20:14 AM)
i tried to look for your profile to see which rural coastal area you live in, as in, maybe i could of some job search tips, but your profile isnt there. hit me up on the other side if youd like... dpet

herpreferance -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 11:08:15 AM)
Des,the thing is shes been smoke free for 3 years and smoked for 32 , so she knows what im going through. fact of the matter is shes willing to cut me slack in that regard. what shes NOT willing to do is have me sneak around and lie about it.

pixelslave -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 11:20:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: herpreferance Des,the thing is shes been smoke free for 3 years and smoked for 32 , so she knows what im going through. fact of the matter is shes willing to cut me slack in that regard. what shes NOT willing to do is have me sneak around and lie about it. And rightly so! Total honesty with your Mistress is crucial to having a lasting relationship with her. If there's too much stress in your life for you to try and quit smoking right now, you need to tell her that. You may even need a break from the chastity constraints in order to give yourself some relief from the stress when you feel the need to. Lying will only create distrust and lead to an end to your relationship. - pixel

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 11:38:10 AM)
You lied, I don't care why or what but you need to come clean, and see if the trust can be restored. Once you are not hiding things it will be easier on you as you are dealing with the emotions of living the lies. Mike

brattybrandi -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/14/2008 12:01:57 PM)
quote: i seem to be floating between rage and bliss with my emotions. There is no balance so to speak. My heart goes out to you, I've been feeling the same way lately in my own life. Emotional mood swings at times. quote: i cannot come up with a logical reason as to why i am doing this, why i am acting this way. Its almost as if i am accepting my submission to this wonderful person but doing it kicking and screaming all the way. and doing everything in my power to screw it up, when to be M'Ladys submissive is all i want . After reading your thread in its entirety, I wonder if depression might be to blame. We just got over the holidays, a very hard time for alot of people. (Even when your in a loving relationship.) Extra stress of family & friends, combined with the joy & cheer of everyone else around you. While your dealing with all of this. Your financial situation & job. Then to top it all off trying to quit smoking. Thats alot to handle all at once. I know you want to please your Lady. But you aren't happy. It's hard to please the people in your life when you are miserable. I am also a smoker, and your situations made me want to share with you. I couldnt imagine quitting smoking right now. I know i'm depressed and need to deal with that first, before anything else. I know i'm a submissive at heart, but I also felt like I was being cornered & pushed, not in regards to smoking but other things. Which made me want to fight & act out. Not healthy. Best advice I can give is Talk to her. Tell her what is going on inside of your head. Let her see the stress, don't be ahamed by it. Share it, she is your Dominant let her help you. Maybe then you wont feel like you need to sneak or do distrustfull things. quote: Children act out because they don't know how to deal with their emotions. I so agree with this. If you are an emotional mess inside. You don't know if your coming or going. Rage & bliss, Mood swings. quote: Interesting thread. in My opinion you need a time out (no pun intended SimplyMicheal ) but i think whats going on has over whelmed you, and you have gone back to basic instincts of as you say being bitchy and what not, you need to go to her and ask "can i tell you something but promise me you wont be mad or yell at me" or something along those lines, and just let it all out, and then see how you feel, also ask her if she could do those things that xxblushesxx said, it will all help on some level or not, your M'Lady cant help you fully unless She knows all of whats happening Exactly

DesFIP -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/15/2008 5:04:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: herpreferance Des,the thing is shes been smoke free for 3 years and smoked for 32 , so she knows what im going through. fact of the matter is shes willing to cut me slack in that regard. what shes NOT willing to do is have me sneak around and lie about it. The part I should have bolded was the 20% are severely addicted. The fact that she could quit that easily means she doesn't get it. I can have a drink with dinner, or not have one. But the fact that I can easily skip it means I'm not an alcoholic. I can't understand how an alcoholic feels. That's the comparison here, you're an addict and she was a casual user with no addiction. Addicts lie to keep using and cutting some slack doesn't help the addiction. Go see your doctor and get her to back off from this issue before it tears you apart. Because if she needed a nonsmoker, she shouldn't have picked you.

domahpet -> RE: Between Bliss and Rage. (1/15/2008 7:16:30 AM)
Very good advise from Des. one other thing that should be considered. the two most typical events to occur before an addict stops for good- one is the most common 'bottoming out', meaning they hit their absolute low and there is nothing left but to quit. the other is called 'timing out', and this occurs when the body itself is just done with the chemical, but usualy the person will need that extra push to realize they really are done. (we dont know how the ops mistress quit, but 32 years is a very good sigh that she actually was addicted, and possible even timed out. but we're not dealing with her here) treatment geared towards smoking and education about the addiction and withdrawl will be the best help to out dear friend, as well as support support support! good luck!

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