Looking for some advice (Full Version)

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uberrmench23 -> Looking for some advice (8/27/2005 9:29:54 AM)

I would first like to say hello to everyone who reads this and thank you for taking the time. Second I would like to say WOW. I have noticed that Femdom tends to be a lot differant then Male Dominance. I say this speaking in generalities that is, and considering that I am Dominant and have never experianced Femdom I could be compleatly wrong. I just based that conclusion on reading Female Dominants profiles. Femdom seems to be more catered around household servitude whereas Male Domination seems to be more sexual in nature. I wonder why that is. JUst an observation not the meat of why I am here. I would like to get some advice preferabley from Dommes into sensual domination. I am engaged to a wonderful woman who I share a D/s relationship with. She has submissive traits and is interested in the lifestyle and has some limited experiance (with me). I am fully up to the task of training her, however here is the problem. I am in the Air Force living in Italy, and she is back home in Atlanta. No this is not some long distance relationship, she comes out here ever other week thanks to her job. The problem I have is that due to the stress of her job and our limited time together until we are married I feel aspects of our D/s relationship are slipping. How can I maintain this aspect of our relationship strong but at the same time be realilistic to the fact that she is under a lot of pressure at work, we are trying to plan a wedding, and when we get to see each other every other weekend I dont want it to be all BDSM. Should I wait until we are married to continue training or should I still try to work it in on the weekends. Any advice would be helpful thanks.



lonewolf05 -> RE: Looking for some advice (8/27/2005 11:44:05 PM)

quote:

I wonder why that is.

---------------

as always..........females can go 100 yrs w/o sex but MOST guys can't go more than a couple days.
why do you think there are more widows than widow ers?


wolf



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Looking for some advice (8/28/2005 6:08:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

quote:

I wonder why that is.

---------------

as always..........females can go 100 yrs w/o sex but MOST guys can't go more than a couple days.
why do you think there are more widows than widow ers?



I find it interesting how someone (in numerous other threads) blasts others for making generalizations, when they post their own opinions, is now do the exact same thing.

I find it ignorant, and not at all humorous (in case that was the intent), to post about ALL women, or ALL men, when talking about 'any' subject.

Thank goodness...we are all NOT the same! [:)]

K



MstrsJudy -> RE: Looking for some advice (8/28/2005 7:14:06 AM)



In answer to your question about if you should continue to train your stressed submissive, most of the male submissive's that have serviced me in the past have high profile jobs, like Attorney's, CEO's, etc. And the reason they come to me is to relax and give up the Control they have in their daily lives. So if I order them to clean my house while naked it is very humiliating to them and at the same time very humbling, because it is so different from their daily stress , to be told by a Dominant what to do when to do it and to be totally free of stress and worry.

I remember one time my CEO boy brought me trays upon trays of flowers to which I had him planet in my back yard (only wearing only a thong hahah) while I lounged in my recliner on the patio drinking wine and ordering him to put the flowers in certain places and then ordering him to move them again as I didn't like where he placed them. Later he told me this was one of his favorite times of service.

One never truly knows what makes someone click as a submissive that takes time to learn, but it definitely is NOT always about SEX for the Female Dominant in fact personal I do not have sex with those that serve me, because to have sex with each and every boy that serves me would make me a whore not a Dominant, but that is just my personal opinion. When I find the special one that will be collared for life of course sex will be involved but not every boy that serves me will. I do know and understand some Ladies do require sexual interaction in their sessions. But as I said earlier it is all up to the individual Dom sub.

So basically I am saying, you can have your submissive do little things that do not include sexual activities while at work, and trust me she will have less stress feeling your presents because you have ordered her to maybe go to work without panties, or to wear some specific clothings maybe something you bought for her.. or have her wear a bracelet or ankle bracelet and at certain times through out the day she is to stop, look at it, touch it and think of you being there with her... it doesn't have to be physical training, it is the emotional training that most females response to anyway.

I hope I have in some way answered your question, but one thing is true we are all individuals and all do things differently, but over all the Dominant is not a good Dominant if the submissive is NOT happy.... because it takes both to make it work... so talk to her and find out what exactly she needs and stop worrying about how to train her..

Just my two cents.

Mistress Judy



UtahGoddess -> RE: Looking for some advice (8/30/2005 3:11:27 AM)


Hi :)

For me....D/s is in your head/heart and not in your hand (or other body parts). Dominance and submission is how we refer to each other inside ourselves. Where the head/heart goes, the body follows. BDSM is just one way we can express the power exchange, just as sex is but one way to express affection.

If she thinks of you as her Master, then everything she does is for you. She is planning a wedding for YOU. She is working a high pressure job to make money for YOU. Her love and devotion to you keep her strong during your absenses from each other. Likewise you need to appreciate her submission even during non sexual, non play times.

I have found encouragement goes a long way in training a submissive. But instead of just appreciating what she does for you, appreciate her as her Master. (example : Vanilla - Thank you honey for getting the wedding invitations in the mail. D/s Thank you babygirl for getting the wedding invitations in the mail. You make your Master proud.) By doing so you are reinforcing the power dynamic of your relationship and thus broadening the D/s elements in your relationship. (All without props, sex or extra tasks)

Try to broaden your perspective on what D/s can be. Picking up milk on the way home can be a submissive act if it is done for you. Getting to bed at a reasonable hour can be a submissive act as it is taking care of whom you own. (Getting your coffee, cutting the lawn, paying the bills, picking up dry cleaning etc etc etc.....all can be submissive acts done for YOU) It is just a small change in perspective that can make all the difference.

As for play. Play should only happen when you want to play. Neither of you should feel you HAVE to play in order to have a power exchange relationship. In my experience, if the D/s elements are solidly in place....play isn't an issue or a chore, but a physical expression of what we already share.

Hope this helps

Ms Sandi




MistressGrace07 -> RE: Looking for some advice (8/30/2005 10:08:51 PM)

Problem with generalizations is that they're just that.. generalizations.

I think most Ladies, like Myself are tired of doing our own housework.. that's all ;)

But I know a LOT of Ladies who do it simply for sexual enjoyment.. and some Men who love subbie girls doing their housework...

it's all Your preference. [8|]



MsWhip -> RE: Looking for some advice (9/4/2005 2:29:28 AM)

It's not rocket science. The things that please women are different thant what pleases men. Service is, therefore, different.

With your shock about the fundamental differences between male and female domination me think you live in a cave.

Some of the best subs, ever, are the high-powered, dominant men who have to be in control in every aspect of their lives.



Sylverdawn -> RE: Looking for some advice (9/5/2005 1:37:35 AM)

For the most part I agree with Utah Goddess.. I would only add small rituals can help maintain her head space... Im not talking about crawling to her bed every night but a small mantra as she takes off the *BLANKET PIECE OF WHATEVER* before bed. Try and fit it into her routine.. nothing to increase her stress level but a small something to remind her that even now thousand miles away.. there is a person who loves her enough to always be Master.



iamdownonmyknees -> RE: Looking for some advice (9/5/2005 4:14:40 PM)

My girlfriend who is also my Goddess is away in another country for three or four months.

Mostly I just do my best to keep communicating. Emails and IMs. Keeping myself alert for things that will interest her. Giving whatever help and support I can at a distance.

And work to make the home a better place for her when she returns.

And snuggle up to one of her boots when I go to sleep in remembrance of the joy I find in them when I’m on my knees before her.

Nothing very special. I just want her to know that she’s always in my heart and mind. Of course I miss her too much to not stay focused on her.

Based on our relationship which is only partly D/s I think we’ve found worrying if we’re concentrating enough on D/s can undermine it. Most strongly during times of stress. The best times are when we’re together enjoying each other’s company. Suddenly the roles slip into place.

Richard





QueenRah -> RE: Looking for some advice (9/5/2005 6:18:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: uberrmench23

... Femdom seems to be more catered around household servitude whereas Male Domination seems to be more sexual in nature. I wonder why that is.


Uber - love the moniker! To answer your first conundrum: Men want sex - women want freedom from drudgery. (Then we'll take the sex, in our way, in our time, thank you. :D ) In my own experience, as a children, my sister and I had to clean up after our family. As an adult, before discovering my "trew nature," I had cleaned up after vanilla boyfriends, and myself. As a Dominatrice, I am relieved of that awful, lifelong onus.

As to the second puzzle: Have you discussed with your girl what would be the best plan of action? By your post it is clear you don't want her to break down. So, you want to limit what she has to do. Have a chat with her, find out what would work best for the two of you. The only set rules are the rules you set for yourselves.

Bon chance!

QueenRah



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