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RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/14/2008 4:39:52 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

To us, Ds Ms and Sm(Sadist/masochist) are what you are.
BDSM (Sadism/masochism) are what you do.

the.dark.

oh fucking hell (brummie)...that means we are a M/sw doing poly SM in a 24/7 temporal not spatial capacity (such style).....sorry I just can't keep my face out of a good fight.......

(in reply to RCdc)

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Post #: 41

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/14/2008 5:10:05 PM

tigerstyle

Posts: 168
Joined: 5/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I didn't want to hijack this thread.

I am me and I live how I live, regardless of who I am around.

That said, I do things with my partners in private and amongst lifestylers that vanilla people would be shocked or appalled by. I grab her by the collar, I force her to her knees, I rest my hand on her head. I tell her to fetch things for me, I snap at her when she's mouthy, and I slap her when she is haughty or abrasive. These are things that she has tacitly agreed to, indeed she would likely not be with me if I didn't do most of these things. Thus, the way I live can be categorized under the heading 'BDSM Lifestyle.' The header at the top of the collarme.com page states "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet."

I fully understand that many people don't like to consider their activities or behaviors to be deviant.* Perhaps they aren't; I know my activities are deviant though. I know that many of the things that I enjoy aren't acceptable outside of the BDSM community. Thus, I accept that in mixed company, in front of my employer or hers, in front of my family or hers, that our actions must be adjusted (to no small degree) in order for us to maintain our jobs, acquaintances, and healthy family relationships. Does this mean we cease to be Master and slave? Hardly; it simply means we recognize that we have the right to do as we wish, but also accept the consequences for our actions. In this case, we don't hide who we are as people, but neither must we flaunt our enthusiasm for darker pleasures.

Stephan
(A BDSM Lifestyler)

* de·vi·ant (dē'vē-ənt) Pronunciation Key
adj. Differing from a norm or from the accepted standards of a society.

Right on. I also find it amusing that most of the things you list as examples of "deviant" action wouldn't have raised any eyebrows 50 years ago.

(in reply to Stephann)

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Post #: 42

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/14/2008 5:31:55 PM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
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Kinky: When you use a feather
Perverted: When you use the whole chicken

Kinky: What "I" do
Perverted: Anybody more "kinky" than "I"

Just for a chuckle....... :>

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Post #: 43

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/14/2008 6:53:57 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

Kinky: When you use a feather
Perverted: When you use the whole chicken

LMFAO

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Post #: 44

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 1:21:30 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Ironically, this was something that hit very close to home during Thanksgiving for charlotte and I. I met her parents for the first time, and within two days her mother was in tears, terrified for her because I was so controlling. We had to spend the following day explaining, separately, to her mom and dad why it seemed strange. It wasn't anything overt that we had done to worry her mother, but her mother is very observant (and dominant, meaning she couldn't imagine a man treating her, the way I treat her daughter.) As a result, we had to explain that it wasn't because I was a drug dealer (her first worry) or an abusive man (her second worry) but that we simply enjoy being the way we are. It wasn't a conversation we had any desire to have, but if we hadn't, I'm certain it would have put enormous stress on their relationship. This isn't to say everything has become roses with her; the point is that we didn't use the term BDSM community, though we did explain that we met because of our mutual interest in alternative relationships. What that means, between charlotte and I, is obviously intensely personal. I refuse to permit how others define 'BDSM lifestyle' to infringe on what and how she and I live.

Stephan that sounds like a very stressful holiday, I'm sorry. I hope charlotte, you and her parents have ironed it out.

I don't really have many opinions or feelings on whether someone says I'm in the lifestyle or it's a community or not, it doesn't offend me nor do I overly identify with it. I don't think the term implies we have to do things the way anyone else thinks we do. We do have to call wiitwd and those of us that do it something after all.

I think "deviant" is not necessarily a negative word (depending on its usage) but implies something that deviates from the norm. I do and am happy that I do.

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 45

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 2:20:03 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I don't really have many opinions or feelings on whether someone says I'm in the lifestyle or it's a community or not, it doesn't offend me nor do I overly identify with it. I don't think the term implies we have to do things the way anyone else thinks we do.

People who are happy in the way they live and the way they put their own beliefs and ideals into practice tend to want to share that happiness, and in wanting to share it, often don't understand why others don't embrace it.

Some people are extroverted and gain energy from being in a crowd, are fed from that energy and that's a good thing. Others find it more intense in private and find being in a crowd to be distracting and/or distressing.

To me, the trouble is that often one style is purported to be better than another, the 'my way is better than your way' or that going to events, playing in public, and having a "name" out in the community, makes one better, cooler, sexier, more submissive, more Dominant or more whatever than others who don't enjoy those things.

It is the differences in people, styles, relationships and activities that to me keep things fresh, ensures i will always have something to learn.

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Post #: 46

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 3:57:39 AM

fluffyswitch

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a lifestyle, to me, just means that i live my life according to one particular set of norms for any given group of people (a community) or groups of people depending on my affliations of people. so yes i have a lifestyle, and i honestly don't see why that's such a bad word. of course it varies from group to group. each group has a set of identifiers that sets it apart from other groups, which actually can be used as a form of group cohesion. there are a lot of people that i think i would not be able to talk to if i didnj't have the 'lifestyle' to at least form the basis of a trivial conversation.

i spend WAY too much time thinking about my major...lol.

as for deviant, the simple answer is we are all deviant. there is no such thing as the average human being. which i'm glad of. i think they would scare me and make me cry, lol. the word deviant gets a bad rap because all you hear about is negative deviance, or things the mainstream thinks as negative, but it's all sociall relative.

(in reply to charlotte12)

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Post #: 47

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 4:15:53 AM

RCdc

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Prinnie I adore you!
As long as that purdy face don't get mooshed, is all good.

the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 48

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 5:15:28 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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I know that most women don't prefer to be trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and then stuffed at every possible opening. That said, my desire for that very scenario (minus the bread dressing) doesn't make me 'dark' or 'deviant'. It just means I'm on the far end of the bell curve. I'm an outlier, mathematically speaking. I harbor neither guilt nor shame, I don't think I'm bad. Actually he thinks I'm damn good

.

And I admit to an impatient rolling of the eyes at those who proclaim how deviant, dark, evil etc they are. It always appears to me that they just aren't comfortable in themselves and I'm not interested in spending time with people who roll in their own angst and need to demonize themselves in order to enjoy an activity.

I don't think I'm dark or deviant for being an unabashed mini golf fanatic. Just because most people won't plan a vacation around new mini golf fields doesn't mean I'm wrong to do just that.

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Post #: 49

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 5:18:23 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

I know that most women don't prefer to be trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and then stuffed at every possible opening

OMG that is fucking fantastic

LOL

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Post #: 50

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 5:22:57 AM

Justme696

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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I know that most women don't prefer to be trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and then stuffed at every possible opening

OMG that is fucking fantastic

LOL

that is why we don't have Thanksgiving in Europe :P

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Post #: 51

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 6:19:17 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I know that most women don't prefer to be trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and then stuffed at every possible opening

OMG that is fucking fantastic

LOL

Takes a bow. Thank you, thank you.

You do notice I hard limited the bread stuffing though.

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Post #: 52

RE: I have a Lifestyle - 1/15/2008 9:57:50 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I know that most women don't prefer to be trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and then stuffed at every possible opening

OMG that is fucking fantastic

LOL

Takes a bow. Thank you, thank you.

You do notice I hard limited the bread stuffing though.