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Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 1:45:27 PM

LadyHathor

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A comment I have heard on more than one occasion from Dominas :

Put the boy in chastity and you give away control---

Thoughts?

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 2:27:50 PM

Shawn1066

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Forgive me if I miss the point, but is that statement implying the only way to control a boy is through his penis? That's a rather narrow way of looking at things, in my opinion. There are lots of other ways to control a person, and I fail to see how a short term stay in chastity would negatively affect that control. It would just maximize the influence of the person with the key, would it not? Wouldn't it also make the person entrapped rather on the needy side of things? But yes, as I was saying earlier, even if you're keeping a slave in long-term chastity...isn't there lots of more ways to control somebody other than in a sexual manner If it's a meaning I miss, then I really can't comment too much.

Just my two cents.

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 3:15:23 PM

LadyHathor

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This is a sample of the type of response I am seeking, I want to hear from all sides about the whole chastity thinking--as many boys demand that is the only way they can "serve, behave, be focused, be attentive"--so I want to hear it all. and yet I hear from so many that when you send a boy therem they win...

Thank you.

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 3:43:32 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

Put the boy in chastity and you give away control---

Thoughts?

I daresay this thread will stir some controversy....

Personally, like some things in WIITWD, I can live without chastity. However, I can testify to the sense of power it gave SOME Dominas I've known. The excitement, enthusiasm and satisfaction they exhibited more than offset the inconvienence to myself. I can honestly say it was well worth surrendering to chastity in their cases.

On the other hand, other Dominas either had other methods of control they preferred, or had other uses for me.

From my angle, it really depends on the taste of the individual Domina.

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 3:47:45 PM

LadyHibiscus

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My former slave was ALL about this. Me, I figure if a person can't control his own desires by force of will....... well.......you can finish the sentence. Of course, I have exactly zero interest in male chastity for a variety of reasons. :)

My friends who ARE into chastity tell me that there are very profound changes in the male's behavior once he has been locked down for awhile. Whether this is only true of the middle-aged men they were working with, or also true of a young man, I am not sure.

Guys! I know some of you are locked up, so spill! (figuratively!)

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 4:04:36 PM

thetammyjo

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I think that the term chastity as it is commonly used in BDSM -- meaning to deny sexual pleasure -- actually focuses the person on sexuality and makes it the center piece of the dynamic.

Don't think of a bunny.
Don't think of it's cute little nose.
Don't think of it's fluffy fur.
Don't think of it eating your carrots.

I bet you thought you of a bunny.

Of course over time (a lot of time I'm told) chastity can result is simply not having very many sexual feelings at all.
We've seen complaints about that on these boards as well.

Seems you can't win as a man sometimes, doesn't it?
You only want sex so I'll deny you and keep you in chastity.
You can't get it up when I want it.

*rolls eyes* Geesh make up your mind!

All I know is that I don't practice chastity as the term is used commonly. I practice as the word originally meant -- my slave only has the sex that I agree is ok and I frankly don't care what he does with just himself when we aren't together. I've never had a problem with him not being able to get it up when I want, as fast as I want, or how I want because for us this isn't about sex, it's about authority and the sex is nice plus that we can both enjoy.

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 4:21:39 PM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor
A comment I have heard on more than one occasion from Dominas :

Put the boy in chastity and you give away control---

Thoughts?

Lady Hathor,
For me personally, I've had negative experiences with chastity and orgasm control which I've posted about before which I see no need to repeat here.

That said, it seems to me that I truly only desire to share an ejaculation with my Mistress, as it's something I view as belonging to her even more than to me. Perhaps that's the control you speak of; instilling the desire in your submissive to only want to share their sexuality with their Mistress? I can see where for some Dominants, that would feel even more empowered and perhaps equally significant, it would speak a great deal more of the trust that a Mistress has in her sub and thus the strength of the relationship that exists between them. That would particularly seem to be the case if it's her desire that he not ejaculate except in her presence or as I suspect in your case, that his desire to serve her is not motivated only by the potential to satisfy the little head that hangs locked between his legs.

- pixel

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/14/2008 6:53:28 PM

MsHoney2you

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I recently enjoyed putting my married sub in chastity. It was quite an interesting process as his wife held the other key. I have never met her but she sent me a note saying she thought she was going to see him 'do homework' from me at her house and I had not given him any instructions to do so. My reply was that I was careful not to invade her space but now with her permission, oh yes, he is doing some fun things to please and entertain her as well as me.
Things he learned in the first 24 hours were:
Lack of sensation - he had to check to see if 'it' was still there.
Sitting to pee - came to know how often he had to use the bathroom because now he had to undress to use it.
A more giving mindset - The focus was on me/his wife, not on himself since he had no access to touch himself at all.
Now the wife 'says' she is not interested in BDSM BUT.... when he was locked up she used a rubber band to attach a vibrator on the CB3000 and proceeded to to enjoy herself. Needless to say, his being new to this and all, he got angry. He knew he was to be released on Saturday, that was pre arranged since this was his first time and the wife was to release him. She tortured him, told him to clean up and handed him the key.
The good part is he came to understand just how females get used ALL THE TIME by uncaring men. With each statement he shared with me, lack of sensation - for women all the time as we have 'innies' and men have 'outties'. Sitting to pee - same... females have to do this all the time and the last event, to be used as a receptacle in sex? Sure.. WELCOME TO MY WORLD... (My old world that is) and he did not like it. He did come to understand, all on his own, that the whole process was for him to 'give' himself to me and his wife... so what we chose to do with him was our business and he truly had no right to get angry. Then he got angry at himself for getting angry.
It really was a good learning process for us all. I truly believe the wife is a Dominant but does not know others she could ask questions of to learn more. Well, she does now, if she so chooses. Time will tell.
I just wanted to share my own short time recent experience to the mix and yes, brag that my boy is truly wonderful and a joy to behold in our interractions. I am one lucky Dominant.
Wishing you all the same,
Ms Honey

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/15/2008 12:13:44 AM

Boondoggle

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Personally, I love playing with power, with control. It's erotic. Combine that eroticism with sex itself, especially the intense feelings associated with climax, and the level of arousal quickly compounds. To me, chastity is an extension of this. I love when another desires to take control of my sexual pleasure, including climax. It's never been to have more control over me, or to 'increase' my submission. Rather, it's a way to exercise that power, to illustrate her control. Teasing and denial (and orgasm control in general) is something that really turns me on for these very reasons. However, simple denial without teasing isn't of interest to me, and is something to which I would strongly object, as it would simply be denying my sexuality. I love having my sexual release, sexual contact, and even sexual pleasure controlled and denied, but only if she desires the control, my denial, and recognizes it as part of my sexuality, not the absolute denial thereof.

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RE: Lose or Gain control? - 1/15/2008 9:51:52 AM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsHoney2you
Sitting to pee - came to know how often he had to use the bathroom because now he had to undress to use it.

Interesting that you mention this. I was raised in a household of women and initially was never taught to stand and pee, only to sit on the toilet when I needed to void. I still remember being humiliated by a sitter because I didn't know how and have always been uncomfortable ever since being "watched" as result.

To this day, I'm still more comfortable urinating while sitting than I am while standing. I don't find it humilating at all to have to pull my pants down to use the bathroom.