RE: Your stressed "D" type

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breatheasone -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:22:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone I hear ya...and understand....Its the things that we can't control or stuff that normally wouldn't get to us that can stress us when other stuff is gone screwy ! ......I never said this was a "problem solver" ...just a way (a fun way) for Him to relieve some frustration, but He doesn't necessarily think of it on His own sometimes[;)] Did you ask him what bothers him? If that is possible in your relation ofcourse. We males are not always such talkers, but when your special one asks you....we might talk sometimes. Absolutely!!...I LOVE talking with Him. We talk about everything, and I have a pretty good handle on whats bugging Him....Its just "stuff"....It happens...everybody has "stuff"...most times it rolls off your back...and sometimes it gets stuck LOL. He enjoys whipping me...I enjoy getting whipped....and when He is a little on the frustrated side its a little more ...i don't know fun?...spirited?.....Theres a different energy to it thats not bad at all....its almost therapeutic. Perhaps I'm explaining it badly, but I liked the last time the circumstances were similar. You're not explaining it badly at all and I understand it can be very theraputic for both of you. If if feels good to both of you, go for it! The other stress reducers are of course what some others have said: Quiet and peace, foot massage, blowing up a few cans, talking about what the current stress is caused by and adding HUMOR (love that one myself) [;)] etc. first. The way you met him at the door, and the fact that both of you got pleasure and relief from it, well that's just really sweet in my book. Sometimes when I have a lot of energy pent up I will post something on my journal, and I know a couple of subs who love to step up to the plate that way, and serve a trusted domme by 'offering up their backside'. Sometimes within an hour I will see a couple of genuine emails from subs who long for and even crave it, and experience a lot of pleasure serving that way. It's a balance of course: Being aware of limits clearly on both ends; the strong trust that needs to be there. I know you are in a wonderful one-on-one relationship with your Dom and so you are really there for each other. I 'get' from your post that he works on his stress in every way he can, so IMO what you do for him is a beautiful thing to help him let off steam for the things he cannot change at the moment. If our society were a more open one, people could let off steam like this and be a healthier place for all of us...? That's a theory of mine anyway. [:D] I am happy for you both. I assume from what you wrote that this is the 'extra' steam and that your Dom takes responsibility for everything he can in his day to day stressors. Just like you probably do. And if you both find relief when you offer up your backside, it can be cathartic and healing for both of you. It's all about balance. As long as your eyes and hearts are focused on what's best for both of you, (and it certainly sounds like it is), then it all works out for the betterment for both of you and your growing relationship. I think you're both very fortunate to have found each-other! My best to you and may you both be very happy together for a long, long time! Irish Thank you so much for your kind words...and for "getting" me. Daddy and I are what He likes to call "One with each other" and what I often refer to as "transparent" with each other. There is so much that we are to each other and do for each other, its a true Blessing in my life. We seem to dance beautifully together in this life we've been given.....

ownedgirlie -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:32:50 AM)
Breathesasone is your font getting lighter or my eyes getting worse? :) I get what you're saying. There was a thread like this a long time ago, in which those of us who like to be a place where our Dominants can take out their frustrations received some pretty high doses of criticism. I think it is a sensitive topic because it dances so closely to dangerous cruelty. In my case, were I to offer something of myself, he would laugh and say he owns it anyway and can do what he wants with it. However, I have suggested before, to present my ass for a whipping if it would help him work off frustrations. There are times he wishes to do this and times he does not. In the way some people will go to the gym for a work out when stressed, he finds it relaxing to flog me, or to use me in other ways that are enjoyable to him. It's very similar to my desire to be at his feet when I am stressed.

dincubus -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:42:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone I hear ya...and understand....Its the things that we can't control or stuff that normally wouldn't get to us that can stress us when other stuff is gone screwy ! ......I never said this was a "problem solver" ...just a way (a fun way) for Him to relieve some frustration, but He doesn't necessarily think of it on His own sometimes[;)] Did you ask him what bothers him? If that is possible in your relation ofcourse. We males are not always such talkers, but when your special one asks you....we might talk sometimes. Absolutely!!...I LOVE talking with Him. We talk about everything, and I have a pretty good handle on whats bugging Him....Its just "stuff"....It happens...everybody has "stuff"...most times it rolls off your back...and sometimes it gets stuck LOL. He enjoys whipping me...I enjoy getting whipped....and when He is a little on the frustrated side its a little more ...i don't know fun?...spirited?.....Theres a different energy to it thats not bad at all....its almost therapeutic. Perhaps I'm explaining it badly, but I liked the last time the circumstances were similar. I am very glad that works well for the both of you. like a previous poster, i would not be able to bring myself to flog or spank or any sort of impact play when i was angry. it just would not be ssc in my mind to do so. at least in my case. i dont want to go as far as to say i dont trust myself, but i would not wish to take the risk of hurting another because i got too into it... i hope that makes sense

Justme696 -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:43:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Breathesasone is your font getting lighter or my eyes getting worse? :) I get what you're saying. There was a thread like this a long time ago, in which those of us who like to be a place where our Dominants can take out their frustrations received some pretty high doses of criticism. I think it is a sensitive topic because it dances so closely to dangerous cruelty. In my case, were I to offer something of myself, he would laugh and say he owns it anyway and can do what he wants with it. However, I have suggested before, to present my ass for a whipping if it would help him work off frustrations. There are times he wishes to do this and times he does not. In the way some people will go to the gym for a work out when stressed, he finds it relaxing to flog me, or to use me in other ways that are enjoyable to him. It's very similar to my desire to be at his feet when I am stressed. Somehow i find it calming to read he can say no to your offer too. I honestly would worry if some one would always accept it.

breatheasone -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:49:31 AM)
quote: i would not be able to bring myself to flog or spank or any sort of impact play when i was angry. i I agree!...and my Daddy never has and never will do that out of anger.

kyraofMists -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:51:56 AM)
When he is stressed (which can be demonstrated by various emotions and not just anger), I ask if there is anything that I can do to help. If he wants something from me at that point, he will say so. If not, I try to give him his space to work things out on his own. After three years, I am much better at not taking on his bad moods as my problem to fix. Knight's Kyra

camille65 -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:58:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: i would not be able to bring myself to flog or spank or any sort of impact play when i was angry. i I agree!...and my Daddy never has and never will do that out of anger. Nor would I want it out of anger. Huge difference between striking while angry at something, and striking to relieve tension akin to cracking ones own neck vs strangling themselves.

Dnomyar -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 9:29:39 AM)
To the op. I understand what your doing and why. It is just not the way I would do it. I dont believe in bringing outside stress into a relationship.I deal with it when it happens. I would ask if there was some way That I could help others to relieve theirs.

breatheasone -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 1:58:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar To the op. I understand what your doing and why. It is just not the way I would do it. I dont believe in bringing outside stress into a relationship.I deal with it when it happens. I would ask if there was some way That I could help others to relieve theirs. But see....one of the ways I want to help Daddy relieve His stress, is working it out with His flogger He got for Christmas or His riding crop He loves so much!...... Its not the ONLY way I help Him (if He even needs my help) deal with/process stress. Just the most FUN way.[:)]

hisannabelle -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 2:30:37 PM)
greetings breatheasone, usually when he's stressed or not feeling well for some reason, he's totally not in the mood. he can be somewhat emotionally sadistic during those times, which i have learned to cope with and he often ends up apologizing for (of his own choice), but generally physical sadism is something he does when he's in a sexual mood, and usually when he's stressed he's not in a sexual mood at all. i'd definitely be willing to be the whipping post to relieve stress, but it's hard for me to imagine him doing that just because i always associate sadism with him being in a good mood and things going well, hehehe. respectfully, annabelle.

BitaTruble -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 2:40:26 PM)
~FR~ Stress is just such a bad thing all around, couple that with other complications and it's even worse. There are times when some activities would not be good to relieve stress for Himself because of the other complications with which he must deal such as high blood pressure and diabetis. For example, exercise is generally a good way to lower sugar but if your sugar is too high, then exercise is actually bad. Himself has explicit instructions from the doctor not to exercise if his sugar reaches a certain point, so all factors have to be taken into consideration when dealing with how to relieve stress at any given time. My best course of action is just to be myself and obey any instruction and, if need be, remind him, gently, of his doctors instructions as well. What course of action he chooses to take is up to him, so that's what will happen. Celeste

PsyVamp -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 3:48:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo Fox has done this in the past and the results are that it pisses me off. I don't do SM when I'm having negative emotions, that's my own safety issue in my own household. What works better for me is for him to just kneel in front of me and wait for me to act. Most of my stress comes from feeling out of control after all so being reminded that I have a lot of control and authority from one beautiful person can reset my emotional priorities fairly quickly. You know, I hadn't really thought about stress as a feeling of being out of control but after reading your post, I'd have to say that it hits close to the mark. And yes, adding anything else "to do" for me at that point would only annoy me. Usually when I'm stressed, I need quiet for a while, the absense of people or any type of stimulation until I can reason through the cause of my stress.

LaMspeach -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 4:50:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie In my case, were I to offer something of myself, he would laugh and say he owns it anyway and can do what he wants with it. . I have offered my butt for stress relief and his comment was very similar to the above. When Master is stressed and has "stuff" happening I try to give him the space he needs to get through it and yet still be there if he needs me. I also put on my happy face, being the best I can be so I don’t add to the stress/burden and so he doesn't have to worry about me on top of everything else.

HaveRopeWillBind -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 8:04:19 PM)
Everyone has moments of stress, when they hit me I usually am not in the mood for play and would just be going through the motions. I do however have a personal technique for letting off steam. I will save up empty glass bottles and jars over a period of time and when I feel stress building up I load them all in the car and head down to the local recycling center. There I can heave the bottles against the back wall of the glass bin. Smashing a couple of hundred bottles takes off a lot of stress and you are being green too. Frequently once I have de-stressed in this way I return home very much in the mood to play and having gotten the stress out of my system already I can play enthusiastically without worrying that stress will cause me to go too far. I've recommended this technique to others and everyone who has tried it has reported good results.

breatheasone -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 10:31:21 PM)
Perhaps I can offer some clarity to my love's intent. Anger doesn't really factor into the equation. I have been dealing with such things as city hall (tax errors), and work (adversarial relatinonships betweeen gov't and customer) and the likes. Stress is sometimes ineveitable. We all seem to endure it at times. Candace (candy - the other half of "breatheasone") knows that I enjoy the activity ot whipping her pretty skin - there are just certain colors of pink that color coordinate well with her red hair (you know I love that princess). She knows that it is much like others that would take a walk to blow off steam. She's done that before, and it's been an amazing help to me. I will have to agree with candy. i have rather cautious by nature (Hey, anyone can buy more chocolate, but she's the last piece of candy I'll ever get, so i gotta make sure she lasts...LOL[sm=bust.gif]). So hitting out of anger doesn't really factor in, it's more along the line of a brief cardio work out, with delightful coloring as a side effect. And it's soo much better than offering to spank the City's District Attorny - although they did need it (right baby...LOL). [sm=whap.gif] Mike - the other half of "Breatheasone"

hisannabelle -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/15/2008 11:01:27 PM)
greetings mike, it's good to see you pop in here! i understand what you mean about stress vs. anger - for him it's not so much anger or worrying about being out of control, as it's just not his way of blowing off steam and as i mentioned s&m and stress totally fall into different categories of his emotions/personality/experience. in terms of what i think you and candy were talking about, that actually makes quite a lot of sense to me. wouldn't work so well for us but i can definitely understand theoretically why it would work for people who deal with stress by exercising and such, hehehe :) it'd probably take a lot of stress off of ME if it worked that way for us, seeing as i have to beg for beatings lately! he's been withholding. ;) and for me being all red and marked is great catharsis. respectfully, annabelle.

OldBastardly1 -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/16/2008 2:51:07 AM)
I completely get what she and You are saying. I also find great stress relief in playing. It doesn't have to be mean & sadistic, just "catching a little Domspace". It isn't done in anger. The physicality of it and the interaction helps. Of course, it depends on the "flavor" of the stress.

Justme696 -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/16/2008 3:00:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 I completely get what she and You are saying. I also find great stress relief in playing. It doesn't have to be mean & sadistic, just "catching a little Domspace". It isn't done in anger. The physicality of it and the interaction helps. Of course, it depends on the "flavor" of the stress. The "flavor"of the stress is important. IF stress is going towards a burn-out, you have to be very carefull what you offer as sub/slave. A persons emotions get unpredictable. Can turn wrong, even when it wasn't meant to be.

Dari -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/16/2008 5:13:34 AM)
As a Domme, I wouldn't accept an offer of a backside to beat to relieve stress, if the only thing it would do is make my stress worse. Depending on what type of stress I'm under, I'm usually meditating it away, but I find a quiet, respectful "How may I help?" from a sub on his knees is an excellent stress relief in almost any type of situation. In the spirit of the post - no matter what a sub does to try to help relieve my stress, that they're trying is important to me, and often makes me pause long enough to at least smile at their efforts, even when it goes awry. The measure of the depth of a relationship (or one of them anyway) is knowing what to offer to help them feel better.

Justme696 -> RE: Your stressed "D" type (1/16/2008 5:16:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dari In the spirit of the post - no matter what a sub does to try to help relieve my stress, that they're trying is important to me, and often makes me pause long enough to at least smile at their efforts, even when it goes awry. The measure of the depth of a relationship (or one of them anyway) is knowing what to offer to help them feel better. that was a pleasure to read..and I agree..the gesture is important

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