denimknight
Posts: 38
Joined: 6/19/2005
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I'm afraid I have to agree with the others who have replied on this thread regarding the circumstances you have outlined. You are very likely being strung along and may well find yourself with a hole in your heart and a lump in your throat before it's all said and done. However, being not so very far removed from you in terms of age I know that these kinds of lessons must be learned through your own experiences and often times your own pain.
Walk this path as you see fit to walk it and here's wishing you the best of luck.
As for the matter of self improvement I think you may be falling into the trap that many subs/slaves fall into regarding efforts to augment their skills and capabilities. Namely, you are trying to better yourself in order to please someone else. Any efforts to better yourself must be done for one person and one person alone, you . No matter how hard you work, no matter how hard you try to learn more, do more, become better; so long as your efforts are focused upon the goal of pleasing another you will never be as successful as you will if you are trying to please yourself. You are worth the kind of effort it takes and you owe it to yourself to be the very best you that you can.
Self improvement with the goal of making someone else happy is a highly destructive path to walk. Perhaps T.S. Elliot said it best "the last temptation is the ultimate treason, to do the right thing for the wrong reason."
Now then, once you have the proper reason for self improvement clearly in your heart and mind you can begin walking the path. It has been my experience that mentality has a lot to do with the success of such efforts. You cannot simply seek to learn one or two new skills with the goal of becoming a better whole (though learning how to cook is a nifty skill to have. Your profile says you're from Louisiana. I can think of few places with a more exciting and distinct culinary texture). Go into this with the goal if improving the whole you; mind, body, and spirit. This is the path of excellence and few possess the strength or the will to walk it, but if indeed you are one who does then truly you are a blessing wrapped in flesh. Keep that fact in mind at all times and just as you have been blessed with so much raw potential and the burning desire to become the best person you can be you owe it to the one who gave you these glorious blessings to serve as a blessing in the lives of everyone around you. Seek not to serve only your "Mistress" but all human kind. Love yourself and the world around you, and display that love through your conduct.
Walk the path of greatness with a joyful heart, a focused mind, a passionate spirit, and a humble tongue.
Once you have embraced these concepts you will be ready for the last step you must take in order to begin truly bettering yourself as a whole. Are you ready? Ok here we go:
I want you to take a moment to close your eyes and think of all your self described flaws. All the reasons why you can't be as good as you might like. Bring to mind all of your limitations. They are different for everyone, but I want you to focus upon yours. Think about how maybe you're not smart enough, not strong enough, not attractive enough. Gather up all these self imposed restraints upon your own growth as a whole being.
Once you have done this I want you to say the following words:
Fuck em, fuck em like a scanky prom date. Fuck em like I have no intention of calling. Fuck em like I didn't even give my real name. To hell with all the excuses I've called reasons for far too long. Limitations be dammed, they are nothing more then illusions that I have allowed to act as walls and I will no longer accept them. I will actively deify each and every last one of these manifestations of self hatred and never again will I allow them to hold me back.
Felt good didn't it?
Now that you have left behind all the reasons why you can't earnestly strive for excellence it will be time for you to begin walking the path.
You mentioned that you were in school, that’s a perfect place to start. I don't know what kind of grades you have made in the past, but from here on out you should make nothing lower than an A. Even as I say this you may be thinking about all the "reasons" why you can't make a 4.0 this (and every other) year. If indeed you are, STOP IT! You have left all of your limitations behind remember. You may also notice that I put reasons in quotation marks. That’s because they aren’t really reasons, they are excuses and you are far too bright a young gentleman to tolerate excuses from yourself.
In addition to knocking all your classes out of the ballpark and learning how to cook there are also a number of other ways you can improve yourself:
Do you smoke? If so, quit.
Do you work out? If not, start.
Do you watch TV or play video games for more than 10 hours a week? Cut that down to 5 hrs a week.
Do you read the news paper? Start doing so.
Will Mary Landrieu be successful in her next bid for reelection? (Landrieu is the Democratic Senator from Louisiana and likely faces a tough battle in her next campaign)
Who was the best classical composer of the 1700's and why?
What’s the best wine to serve with a light dinner that includes fish as a main course?
Will the Saints win the NFC South this year? (Ok I'll give you this one for free. No, the Carolina Panthers will win the NFC South but the Saints might make the playoffs as a wild card :-P )
In addition to everything else listed you should be able to answer each of these questions, and be able to explain and support your answers. Cultivate the ability to discuss nearly any subject with some level of knowledge. This not only enriches your human experience but it also makes you a very pleasant (to say nothing of impressive) young gentleman to spend time with.
In what little spare time you have you might consider getting involved in a MUNCH group in order to become more knowledgeable about the lifestyle in general. In doing so your service will be greatly improved.
In closing I know I've thrown a lot at you, but I always want to encourage someone who seeks to better themselves. The truth of the matter is that I am nothing less than obligated to do so. I have been blessed enough to have countless wonderful people in my life who have been willing to pour their time and energy into helping me walk this path. The majority of these glorious individuals required that I repay them by swearing on my honor that I would simply "pay forward" the gifts that they had given me by taking the time to help another when an opportunity to do so arrived.
I don't know you and you don't know me. I'm young in this lifestyle and in the world in general but I've worked hard to pick up as much wisdom and insight as I could. What I have offered you is just what I found to be successful for me as I endeavor to improve my whole being. In the end you must find what works best for you.
With that said, should you find any of the ideas I have put forward here to be of use to you in your own development I will require from you the same repayment that was demanded of me. I think you will find that it is one of the few times in this life where you are made richer in the course of paying a debt.
Respectfully Submitted
dk
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