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what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:08:47 AM   
shorty21


Posts: 126
Joined: 11/30/2006
From: Des Moines
Status: offline 		so its pretty much public news that i left my exDaddy because hes a drunk and wanted whiskey more than me. i ahte him so much it makes me shake. he called today and i let him make me feel like shit...i cried...i feel so dumb...how do i figure out what he does to me that makes me cry when i cant stand to be aorund him?

_____________________________

If i knelt before you with my heart in my hands...would you take my heart and break my body...or break my heart and take my body??

F*ck PMS... This bytch has PMDD!!!


Crazier than a cracked out squirrel on Adderall...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:14:30 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		He knows he still has power over you.  Until you take that power back from him, he will continue to be able to make you feel that way anytime he chooses to.  

Block his number, block his emails, just do not let him keep coming back into your life and making you feel like crap.  Take time to heal and lose all the baggage he stuck you with.

i feel for you shorty, i know how hard it is...

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to shorty21)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:20:58 AM   
Kitte9


Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		First, may I offer my condolences on the time that has been wasted. It is all too precious.
Second, having been there myself, I understand how he can make you feel like crap. Unfortunately, I have no advice to give on how to avoid him continuing to do so other than have the phone company block his number so he cannot contact you.
Third, move on. He obviously did not deserve you, and someone out there does. Good luck in your search, and if you ever need a shoulder, I'm here. 

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to shorty21)
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RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:27:39 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shorty21

so its pretty much public news that i left my exDaddy because hes a drunk and wanted whiskey more than me. i ahte him so much it makes me shake. he called today and i let him make me feel like shit...i cried...i feel so dumb...how do i figure out what he does to me that makes me cry when i cant stand to be aorund him?


Having gone through this process with a friend recently a few things pop into my head:

The grieving process isn't nearly as simple as the decision making process.  Even when a person decides that the relationship is toxic there are still feelings that need to fade.  Also, women especially like to play the "what if" game.  My friend was hung up on the man's potential and kept saying the relationship would work "if he would have...."  granted this is one path the man could have taken, but he chose not to.  Make sure that you see the relationship for what it was and not the potential you'd hoped it could be.

Contact before you are healed is like ripping a scab off your knee every day-- it will bleed again, it will hurt again and it will take longer to heal, you also face the possibility of permanent scaring.  If you decided to leave him then close the door and lock the sucker tight.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to shorty21)
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RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:35:41 AM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline 		He knows he still has power over you. Take back the power you gave him.
No contact....PERIOD.

You are allowing him to make you feel this way...don't allow it.

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:37:06 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Hate and love are emotions that are often more closely linked than we care to admit. If you really wanted nothing to do with him anymore you just wouldn't answer his calls, the fact that you do shows you haven't completely let go, the fact he still moves you to tears confirms it. If you seriously do not want him as a part of your life, don't answer his calls anymore.... pretty simple.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to shorty21)
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RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:39:57 AM   
lockmeupplease


Posts: 202
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		shorty--sorry about what you are going through.

The fact that you still have feelings for/about him and that he can bring these out is very normal.  I would highly recommend you make as clean a break as possible, don't answer his calls, avoid the places he frequents, etc.


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RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 11:47:34 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shorty21
hes a drunk and wanted whiskey more than me. i ahte him so much it makes me shake. he called today and i let him make me feel like shit...i cried...i feel so dumb...how do i figure out what he does to me that makes me cry when i cant stand to be aorund him?


It's not him, its you.
 
k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 1/15/2008 11:48:20 AM >

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 12:19:46 PM   
princessleather


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline 		STOP any contact with him, you still have that 'power' Block him from any emails and dont be tempted. You are only hurting yourself more if you speak to him.

Write down all the things that you hate about him, put it in a safe place cause once you are past the anger stage you will 'mourn' and think back and only remember the good things and then it is good to go back to 'those' notes so you are not tempted to get back into conversation with him as sure as anything in the future he will try again to see if he still has the power.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 12:19:46 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Hi:

I was married to my ex-husband who was more interested in partying and drinking rather than spending quality time with my stepchildren and me.  I will have to agree with the rest of the people and do what you can to not have any contact with him.  Until he recognizes that his problems are due to drinking or that he hits rock bottom, he will continue to manipulate you into thinking that this is your fault, if you would have done this or not do that, etc.  Don't buy into this BS and do what you can to avoid this person.

If you feel that he is stalking you, then file a restraining order, change the locks on your door, alert friends and family regarding this person, block his emails and his phone calls. 

When I was free from my ex husband, I felt like a weight had been lifted from me!  Good luck.

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 6:13:29 PM   
subantionette


Posts: 57
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Siona

He knows he still has power over you. Take back the power you gave him.
No contact....PERIOD.

You are allowing him to make you feel this way...don't allow it.


Siona you got right to the point! I have been in a simillar vanllia situation, my ex-boyfriend knew he still has control over me and used it to make me feel a certin way, untill you take back the power you gave him he will continue to make you feel this. As "highschool" as this may sound: BLOCK--DELETE--GOOD BYE! It is the only way you are going to be able to move on. You will find something much more deserving of you, your mind, your body and your submission then him and it will take time as all things do, you eventually you will find another who doesnt use his power in such a manner. Always here if you need to talk


_____________________________

~All my love, my life, and my submission~
~Collared to James~

(in reply to Siona)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what did i do? - 1/15/2008 7:21:04 PM   
BlueEyedSubinDE


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		There is a quote attributed to Elenore Roosevelt that I keep handy for when I'm letting people get me down "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission".   

Have you heard of or considered going to an Al-Anon meeting?  They are a group similar in structure to Alcoholics Anonymous, but is for people who have been or are in relationships with Alcoholics.  I would suggest finding a local group and seeing if they could help you understand why you feel so helpless with him still.


(in reply to shorty21)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 11:43:41 AM   
shorty21


Posts: 126
Joined: 11/30/2006
From: Des Moines
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueEyedSubinDE

There is a quote attributed to Elenore Roosevelt that I keep handy for when I'm letting people get me down "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission".   

Have you heard of or considered going to an Al-Anon meeting?  They are a group similar in structure to Alcoholics Anonymous, but is for people who have been or are in relationships with Alcoholics.  I would suggest finding a local group and seeing if they could help you understand why you feel so helpless with him still.




whats really odd is my mother woke me up this morning with Al=Anon meeting places. I had to do Al-Anon for my dad. I have blocked every way of contact except physical but I am working on a NCO/restraining order. i came to realize something and it really disturebed me how low he had gone. i had been convinced that a subbie/slave girl in a wheelchair would never be wanted especially one who is...well..fat, fluffy, obese, whatever you wish to call it. i got reminded today that isnt true. So i went out and got myself back into school. i did the list too and i realized how seriously f***ed int he head i was for staying so long! ok so it may not be my fault now, but i am a grown up enough "lil girl" to admit that i was wrong for staying that extra 5 months. i guess i just needed this post to give me an extra push in doing what i knew was best and i thank all of you...

_____________________________

If i knelt before you with my heart in my hands...would you take my heart and break my body...or break my heart and take my body??

F*ck PMS... This bytch has PMDD!!!


Crazier than a cracked out squirrel on Adderall...

(in reply to BlueEyedSubinDE)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 12:17:24 PM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline 		That's fantastic, shorty!
I'm proud of/happy for you!
Going back to school is awesome! Good for you! What will you be studying?
Just remember, there's someone for everyone. May not seem like it..but there is.

(in reply to shorty21)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 1:00:17 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Congratulations!  Going back to school, concentrating on yourself, al-anon... all of these will help you concentrate on yourself, which is the important thing.  Build your self esteem, block, delete and ignore ... and be happy.  (Your mom sounds pretty awesome too!)

(in reply to shorty21)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 1:02:40 PM   
shorty21


Posts: 126
Joined: 11/30/2006
From: Des Moines
Status: offline 		im going to Kaplan University here in Iowa for Information Tech AND Medical Transcription...im an over achiever..lol

and my mom is awesome...shes so not BDSM at all but she bought me a really cute leather paddle for my 22nd birthday...lmao

_____________________________

If i knelt before you with my heart in my hands...would you take my heart and break my body...or break my heart and take my body??

F*ck PMS... This bytch has PMDD!!!


Crazier than a cracked out squirrel on Adderall...

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 2:58:49 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		congrats shorty, best wishes for success in school.  you're on your way to a better life, you deserve better than to live with that abuse, it's mental and emotional abuse if not physical.  and the wheelchair shouldn't stop anyone if they truly care about you, the person.  you wear the chair like some people wear shoes, that's how i look at mine.  it's like wearing glasses, i use it, but it doesn't define who i am.

PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to shorty21)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 3:35:55 PM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shorty21

im going to Kaplan University here in Iowa for Information Tech AND Medical Transcription...im an over achiever..lol

and my mom is awesome...shes so not BDSM at all but she bought me a really cute leather paddle for my 22nd birthday...lmao


Nice choices in studies!
Your Mom rawks!
If I ever outted myself to my Mom, well..she just wouldn't understand...period..let alone buy me a leather paddle! LOL
Good luck with your studies and al-anon!

(in reply to shorty21)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 7:04:22 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shorty21

im going to Kaplan University here in Iowa for Information Tech AND Medical Transcription...im an over achiever..lol

and my mom is awesome...shes so not BDSM at all but she bought me a really cute leather paddle for my 22nd birthday...lmao


Oh, god, how cute!! 

(in reply to shorty21)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what did i do? - 1/16/2008 9:24:41 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		In situations like this ..it is always good to have a nice strong support system..be it friends, family, or church..I am glad you too have a good support system to hold you up, until you are able to hold yourself up, once again...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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Profile   Post #: 20
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