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and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 12:02:51 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i've been driving myself nuts with this new relationship i am in because i know he is Dominant in every aspect of his personality except that he doesn't like to decide on little things...i am so used to "this is what i will have, and this is what you will have, and this is what i want you to buy for the next week..." and so forth and so on...

but this is a new dynamic...that i am having to look at from a different perspective...to be of service to him, i have to decide on the little things...and not argue when he tells me to decide, even if it directly effects him...because if it really mattered to him, he would tell me, i know what he absolutely does not like...anything else will be fine...so...it is ok to make a decision, especially when directed to do so...

but it is something completely different...and something i have to get used to...and something all my "training" is rebelling against...

just my thoughts on it for the moment...serving by being in control of certain things under orders...its a bit to get your mind around...at least for me anyway...but it is where i choose to be...

chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 12:10:45 PM   
princessleather


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline 		ahhh maybe he is teaching how to actually think for yourself! LOL

Just because you are submissive doesn't mean you don't have to use your brain.

Make notes, do lists ... plan.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 12:18:10 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Just relax about it, some of us don't care that much about the small things and just "off load" that to our subs.  My boy will ask now and then what I want for dinner and I say I don't care just feed me unless I want something specific then I will say so.  I do this on other little things as well now and then.  It's not a matter of domanance so much as it's just not important enough for me to be troubled with. 

Mike


(in reply to princessleather)
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RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 12:32:31 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I smiled while reading this cause that is my life  *g* 

Being Master in my life means that he gets to make the decisions that he wants to make and have me or Alandra make the decisions that he can't be bothered with.  Who gets to make the decision depends on what he wants at the time.

One example is that Alandra or I pick out his clothes every morning.  He doesn't like deciding what clothes to wear, so he has us make that decision.  Most days he doesn't care what we have for supper either, so she and I decide what to cook.  When he has a preference, he lets us know.

In the beginning, it seemed odd to me, but when I looked at it from the perspective of who has the authority it made sense to me.  He has the authority within the relationship.  He can choose whether to exercise that authority or whether to delegate it back to me or Alandra.  I submit to him in the way the he wishes me to submit and not in the way that I think I should.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 12:48:14 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

One of the biggest, strongest and hardest walls that I had to face, acknowledge then break down was exactly what you're going through right now. My idea of service as opposed to 'his' idea of service. Doing what I thought I should be doing instead of what he thought I should be doing. That meant letting go of 40 years worth of thinking I knew what I was doing. ::chuckles:: By no means am I perfect in serving as he requires, but I recognize when I'm doing things 'my' way and can 'nip it in the bud' redirect and refocus and get back on track fairly quickly. You'll get there, you'll slip along the way, but you'll get there and, with effort, you'll stay there.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 4:05:01 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		chelle, don't sweat the little things.  If you know his preferences and he gives you the green light to make a decision for him, just go with your gut.  If Mistress gave me this sort of thing to do, I'd have no problem with it because I'm generally very decisive in my everyday life.  I'm not afraid to make decisions and I've learned to be more assertive in my decision making process because of my job. 

Your dom is probably letting you take some of the smaller decisions off of him so he can dedicate more energy to other things.  He may let you decide what to have for dinner, but he's probably thinking whether to make you eat it out of a dog bowl on all fours naked or feeding you from his hand as you kneel next to him naked with your hands and feet shackled together.   See?  If he was burdened with deciding what's for dinner, he would probably miss out on entertainment during dinner!    Isn't decision making fun?

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 5:11:20 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		Chelle,
 
I had trouble with this kind of thing when I first was with Master. (I call Him Master, but He considers me a sub, not a slave. Before Him, I was in a strict M/s relationship.) It was the little things that threw me- choosing my own food in restaurants, having doors opened for me, being allowed to cross my legs and wear lingerie (and pants!), and daring to correct Him in the car when we missed a turn or something (Master's response to my playing navigator is "Ah, the benefits of a good co-pilot.").
 
He doesn't see how being a dominant is mutually exclusive with being a gentleman. He always says He is a Master, not a monster.
 
I still sometimes hesitate to speak up if I notice an error, but I am getting better (it's all in the words and tone you choose). I think this style of dominance works very well for real-time 24/7 because we are real people who function daily in the real world, too***. And, all that micro-managing takes a lot of energy on a Dom's part. It takes some getting used to, for those of us who have been trained otherwise, but that's just an adjustment to a new relationship and how to please him. I actually feel much more valued for the total person I am in this relationship. And it certainly doesn't lessen His control, ownership or dominance.
 
I hope I made sense (kinda rambled there...) Good luck.
 
***I am not putting anyone or any style down.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to rubberpet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 5:23:02 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Daddy sometimes asks me to decide on little things, sometimes I do, but if I hesitate and become indecisive he decides rather quickly. He is rather impatient about those sorts of things and has no problem deciding the little things. I tend to get confused over trying to consider what he would want instead of just thinking of my own desires. I am getting better about knowing that if he asked me that usually means he doesn't care what the outcome is.

It hasn't been a huge issue thus far. His only pet peeve with former partners is when they asked him to decide something and then bitched about his decision... which isn't an issue with me. If I have a strong opinion, I would rather weigh in than to bitch after the fact.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 5:27:14 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I submit to him in the way the he wishes me to submit and not in the way that I think I should.


I find this very difficult, but I'm working on it. Watching him do housework and laundry drives me crazy, but for now, it's how he wants it. I would be happy to be doing more of this stuff for him.

Maybe because we don't live together and due to work schedules, our time together is still limited, we spend
most of our time together doing fun stuff.


_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 6:54:21 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I smiled while reading this cause that is my life  *g* 

Being Master in my life means that he gets to make the decisions that he wants to make and have me or Alandra make the decisions that he can't be bothered with.  Who gets to make the decision depends on what he wants at the time.

One example is that Alandra or I pick out his clothes every morning.  He doesn't like deciding what clothes to wear, so he has us make that decision.  Most days he doesn't care what we have for supper either, so she and I decide what to cook.  When he has a preference, he lets us know.

In the beginning, it seemed odd to me, but when I looked at it from the perspective of who has the authority it made sense to me.  He has the authority within the relationship.  He can choose whether to exercise that authority or whether to delegate it back to me or Alandra.  I submit to him in the way the he wishes me to submit and not in the way that I think I should.

Knight's Kyra

Such is my life too, Kyra.  Everything in red above is exactly how it works for us as well.  Master always jokes that He is an "old hippie."  He's very laid back and not into lots of protocol, laundry lists of rules and regulations, or any significant amount of micromanagement.  Whether it's deciding what He wears, what we eat, what movie we watch, etc., if He doesn't have an overwhelming preference on any given day, He expects me to use my good judgment about what He likes to decide.  What you said is so very true:  He has the authority.  If He chooses to use that authority to have me make all the little daily decisions, that is His will and it will be done.

Chelle.....just think about it as Kyra described.  He is delegating his authority back to you.  He is still in charge even when you are making the decisions on all those little daily things.  After all, he gave you the power to choose.  He chooses to have you choose in his stead.  If that pleases him, you are serving him well by doing it................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/15/2008 9:47:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think you attracted someone to you who will make you stretch beyond yourself :)

I have the opposite problem- my ex owners always expected me to manage things while they were the general overseers.  So I have difficulty NOW asking for help and letting someone else take over the little things.

Give yourself time- training is long term for a reason :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/16/2008 8:25:43 AM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings chelle,

It sounds like your Dom has confidence in your decision making abilities.  You might try looking at is as a compliment.  Put in on the list of "things my Master likes about me". 

Awesome responses from everyone.  Great topic.

well wishes ~ fairer


_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/16/2008 11:45:30 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I know it is a slave/sub post. But it is interesting, will keep this in mind. I had some confused looks in the past.
Thank you


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to fairerthanshe)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/16/2008 2:54:12 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Oy vay!  From micro-management to controlled autonomy!  Obviously your Master has complete confidence in you, your decision-making abilities and how you think.  If you don't, aren't you telling him he is wrong?  I can imagine it's difficult for you, but if he thinks you are able then you are.  Hugs and good luck.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: and now for something completely different... - 1/16/2008 4:30:25 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		FR... just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the responses...it has given me quite a bit to think about, and some room to relax in my new dynamic, knowing that it is not so unusual, just unusual for me...

take care
chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 15
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