RE: please be polite, answer your messages

RE: please be polite, answer your messages (Full Version)

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BalletBob -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/7/2005 1:00:14 PM)
Well, let me put my 2 cents into it. I sent some e-mail, and sometimes I get replies, and sometimes I don't I don't lose any sleep over it, and mostly write to talk to others that might have the same interests as me, but if they don't reply, then that's okay too. And as for Sweetpettjenny, I agree with Dominmind. The other picture with your white top and smile, shows a CUTTER you. Take care all, and HAVE FUN, BalletBob

KatyLied -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/9/2005 12:42:05 PM)
How many threads are around here on this subject? No one is obligated to answer a message. I do not understand where this assumption begins. If you don't get an answer, assume that there is no interest. No one owes you an explanation. It doesn't mean the person is rude or impolite, it just means they don't want to answer your message, for whatever reason.

JohnWarren -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/9/2005 2:04:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied How many threads are around here on this subject? No one is obligated to answer a message. I do not understand where this assumption begins. If you don't get an answer, assume that there is no interest. No one owes you an explanation. It doesn't mean the person is rude or impolite, it just means they don't want to answer your message, for whatever reason. That's the bottom line for me too. I'll usually respond to polite messages but I don't feel I'm under any obligation to read, let alone answer, messages that my system receives. It's like junk mail. Usually, I shred half of the things that show up in my snail mail box without even opening the envelope.

Padriag -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/9/2005 11:10:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StanBWonderful OK OK, no one expects anyone to reply to one-liners/spam etc. But if someone puts a little time and effort into a messege I don't think expecting a reply is unreasonable, it's almost impossible to let someone know who you really are with a single intro messege. Just accepting that half the people on this site have the right to ignore the other half just seems absurd to me, none of us would be so tolerant of this situation in real time. 'No reply' doesn't mean 'I'm not interested', it means sit and wait like a tit until I find the time to get back to you, if at all. Seems to me like everyone on this site who has spent more than a few weeks searching for a partner ends up jaded and cinical, the guys complain about never getting a reply, the gals complain about the number of players and wankers on here. Can't help but think these problems might not be so bad if we just spent some time getting to know each other instead of chasing love away when it knocks on your door. I agree. I have no problem with folks ignoring spam. I get it on here occasionally (couple weeks ago someone emailed me wanting to know if I would like to rent their dungeon... now given that I'm a fairly skilled carpenter and can build just about anything I might need... why in hell would I want to rent someone's dungeon? Especially after I've made it fairly clear I don't do public play? Hmmm... maybe I should write them back an ask them if they'd like to rent mine instead [:)]), and I'm well aware of the overwhelming volume of spam most women on here get simply for being female. Still, as Stan says, if someone takes the time to actually write you a letter, treats you with some basic respect in that letter... even if you aren't interested, a thank you note is in order, that's just good manners. Or at least that was how I was raised and its what I expect of others. Note: Just to be clear, a letter consists of more than one line and should probably include several paragraphs of actual thoughts which, among other things, ought to focus on something other than sex, "on your knees slut", etc. A letter should express a genuine interest in you as a person, an offer of friendship and the opportunity for open communication, some expressed interests in your interests, and a sharing of something of the writers self that may interest you. I share this only because, apparently, letter writing itself is becoming such a lost art a lot of folks aren't quite sure what a real letter looks like. Which amazes me and leaves to wonder what many would do if they actually received a real letter, in the mail, hand written on personalized stationary... ah well... I am old fashioned. Needless to say I'm often disappointed. No response is an answer, its just not a very courteous one. Courtesy seems to be becoming a lost art, more's the pity. I've heard the excuses "I'm not obligated", its not an obiligation its a courtesy, they took the time to take a real interest in you and its polite to at least acknowledge that; "but some take any response as interest and won't take no for an answer" so you're afraid this person might email you again... you're telling me you are scared of the mere possibility of receiving inanimate, digital representations of letters on a computer screen... are you really living in that much fear? There's a word for someone ruled by that much fear... pathetic comes to mind. You can always block further email from someone you don't want to hear from. So send a thank you note, if they get annoying, hit block and get on with your life... nothing complicated about that. If you really want to send a message, report them to CM. I got hate mail here once, reported it... didn't take CM 12 hours to delete the offenders account, found the whole incident amusing actually. But to be blunt, anyone calling themselves a submissive who can't show enough courtesy to at least send a simple thank you note to someone who took the time to show a genuine interest in them, as a person, through a well written and sincere letter, well... you wouldn't last 10 minutes in my house, I can tell you that. Still, experience has taught me that whether here or elsewhere, responding to profiles is often futile. Most... 80-90% won't respond for any of a list of reasons (fakes, frauds, too scared, too timid, too rude all come to mind). On the other hand I've found that participating in forums like these gets a great deal more attention. Almost all of the submissives I'm presently cooresponding with contacted me because of things I wrote here, only one responded to my profile, and two were from the chat room associated with this site... make of that what you will. Correction: as I was writing this someone else responded to my profile... apparently I have mail! Guess I'm off to write a thank you note, wouldn't do if I didn't practice what I preach now would it. [;)]

kc692 -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 1:16:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag quote: ORIGINAL: StanBWonderful OK OK, no one expects anyone to reply to one-liners/spam etc. But if someone puts a little time and effort into a messege I don't think expecting a reply is unreasonable, it's almost impossible to let someone know who you really are with a single intro messege. Just accepting that half the people on this site have the right to ignore the other half just seems absurd to me, none of us would be so tolerant of this situation in real time. 'No reply' doesn't mean 'I'm not interested', it means sit and wait like a tit until I find the time to get back to you, if at all. Seems to me like everyone on this site who has spent more than a few weeks searching for a partner ends up jaded and cinical, the guys complain about never getting a reply, the gals complain about the number of players and wankers on here. Can't help but think these problems might not be so bad if we just spent some time getting to know each other instead of chasing love away when it knocks on your door. I agree. I have no problem with folks ignoring spam. I get it on here occasionally (couple weeks ago someone emailed me wanting to know if I would like to rent their dungeon... now given that I'm a fairly skilled carpenter and can build just about anything I might need... why in hell would I want to rent someone's dungeon? Especially after I've made it fairly clear I don't do public play? Hmmm... maybe I should write them back an ask them if they'd like to rent mine instead [:)]), and I'm well aware of the overwhelming volume of spam most women on here get simply for being female. Still, as Stan says, if someone takes the time to actually write you a letter, treats you with some basic respect in that letter... even if you aren't interested, a thank you note is in order, that's just good manners. Or at least that was how I was raised and its what I expect of others. Note: Just to be clear, a letter consists of more than one line and should probably include several paragraphs of actual thoughts which, among other things, ought to focus on something other than sex, "on your knees slut", etc. A letter should express a genuine interest in you as a person, an offer of friendship and the opportunity for open communication, some expressed interests in your interests, and a sharing of something of the writers self that may interest you. I share this only because, apparently, letter writing itself is becoming such a lost art a lot of folks aren't quite sure what a real letter looks like. Which amazes me and leaves to wonder what many would do if they actually received a real letter, in the mail, hand written on personalized stationary... ah well... I am old fashioned. Needless to say I'm often disappointed. No response is an answer, its just not a very courteous one. Courtesy seems to be becoming a lost art, more's the pity. I've heard the excuses "I'm not obligated", its not an obiligation its a courtesy, they took the time to take a real interest in you and its polite to at least acknowledge that; "but some take any response as interest and won't take no for an answer" so you're afraid this person might email you again... you're telling me you are scared of the mere possibility of receiving inanimate, digital representations of letters on a computer screen... are you really living in that much fear? There's a word for someone ruled by that much fear... pathetic comes to mind. You can always block further email from someone you don't want to hear from. So send a thank you note, if they get annoying, hit block and get on with your life... nothing complicated about that. If you really want to send a message, report them to CM. I got hate mail here once, reported it... didn't take CM 12 hours to delete the offenders account, found the whole incident amusing actually. But to be blunt, anyone calling themselves a submissive who can't show enough courtesy to at least send a simple thank you note to someone who took the time to show a genuine interest in them, as a person, through a well written and sincere letter, well... you wouldn't last 10 minutes in my house, I can tell you that. Still, experience has taught me that whether here or elsewhere, responding to profiles is often futile. Most... 80-90% won't respond for any of a list of reasons (fakes, frauds, too scared, too timid, too rude all come to mind). On the other hand I've found that participating in forums like these gets a great deal more attention. Almost all of the submissives I'm presently cooresponding with contacted me because of things I wrote here, only one responded to my profile, and two were from the chat room associated with this site... make of that what you will. Correction: as I was writing this someone else responded to my profile... apparently I have mail! Guess I'm off to write a thank you note, wouldn't do if I didn't practice what I preach now would it. [;)] I can't see how anyone would not respond to you Padriag. You write wonderful emails, that are very thought provoking, AND polite, I don't see how anyone would not respond to you. There are many times, I must confess I do not respond to email that does not capture my attention, or follow my directions. I just delete. I think the forums are a good way to learn about someone. The ones(dominant and submissive alike) tend to be those who have posted on the boards, and given me a little insight as to their personality.

Padriag -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 2:01:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 I can't see how anyone would not respond to you Padriag. You write wonderful emails, that are very thought provoking, AND polite, I don't see how anyone would not respond to you. There are many times, I must confess I do not respond to email that does not capture my attention, or follow my directions. I just delete. I think the forums are a good way to learn about someone. The ones(dominant and submissive alike) tend to be those who have posted on the boards, and given me a little insight as to their personality. Awww shucks, now you're gonna make me blush. [;)] Well, there have been several who didn't, of the three profiles I have responded to thus far (yeah I'm really hounding the subbies aren't I LOL), none of them replied. In one of the three cases it really surprised me because she seemed pretty mature in her profile, very articulate, intelligent, creative and we had a number of things in common. In her journal she shared an experience she had had... one of those moments when nature shows you something kind of magical, and I related to that and in turn shared a short story I wrote about a similar kind of experience of my own. That one I really thought would have replied with something... if nothing else a comment on the short story... but nothing, no reply at all. I don't know if she is just that self centered and rude, or if my email got lost in a deluge of spam or what... but it did nothing for my opinion of the girl, whom I have not tried to contact again. If they don't reply I move on an its their loss. I am happy to say that most of the people I've written to from the forums have replied and generally it has led to enjoyable conversations. So at this point, I'm even less likely to respond to a profile if that person hasn't also been active in the forums.

happypervert -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 2:34:32 PM)
quote: Courtesy seems to be becoming a lost art, more's the pity. I've heard the excuses "I'm not obligated", its not an obiligation its a courtesy, they took the time to take a real interest in you and its polite to at least acknowledge that; "but some take any response as interest and won't take no for an answer" so you're afraid this person might email you again... you're telling me you are scared of the mere possibility of receiving inanimate, digital representations of letters on a computer screen... are you really living in that much fear? There's a word for someone ruled by that much fear... pathetic comes to mind. This seems really warped to me. So would getting a nice courteous "Thanks, but no thanks" make you all warm and fuzzy as a reward for writing your e-mail? And to extrapolate their reasons to saying they are "ruled by that much fear" and then get to calling them pathetic is itself pathetic IMO. Hey, it happens to me too, but it isn't a big deal if gals don't acknowledge a note or sense the compatibilities as I do. I'm disappointed at times, but that's life. I can't put myself in their shoes to judge the garbage they have to wade through or the wonderful notes they may get, so it seems foolish to expect them to carry on dialogues with the guys they're interested in and then also have to decide which notes are nice enough to rise above some magical line so they can deserve a courteous "No". I'm sure they have good reasons for behaving as they do, and anyone who would get upset or compalin about it needs to just grow up. quote: But to be blunt, anyone calling themselves a submissive who can't show enough courtesy to at least send a simple thank you note to someone who took the time to show a genuine interest in them, as a person, through a well written and sincere letter, well... you wouldn't last 10 minutes in my house, I can tell you that. LOL!! You do realize, of course, that gals who may write back to you probably haven't replied to somebody elses nice note. So are you going to apply your name calling and bitterness to them as well and toss them out of the house after 9 minutes because they haven't universally followed your rules of courtesy? No? So really all that matters is that somebody returns the interest in you; the rest is jsut childish foot stomping and sour grapes.

ManOwner -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 2:45:34 PM)
quote: StanBWonderful: Can't help but think these problems might not be so bad if we just spent some time getting to know each other instead of chasing love away when it knocks on your door. Sometimes life gets real busy, sometimes there is a death in the family, or another equally valid reason for missing the etiquette mark once in a while. It's unfortunate, it's unfair, but it's life and we're all guilty of it sometimes. To give the matter some perspective, remember this is an internet BDSM site. It's a low priority to most of us, because we have lives.

pinkpleasures -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 3:35:06 PM)
quote: Hey, it happens to me too, but it isn't a big deal if gals don't acknowledge a note or sense the compatibilities as I do. I'm disappointed at times, but that's life. I can't put myself in their shoes to judge the garbage they have to wade through or the wonderful notes they may get, so it seems foolish to expect them to carry on dialogues with the guys they're interested in and then also have to decide which notes are nice enough to rise above some magical line so they can deserve a courteous "No". I'm sure they have good reasons for behaving as they do, and anyone who would get upset or compalin about it needs to just grow up. happypervert Common courtesy requires a simple "no ty", which does not take a moment, in my opinion. pinkpleasures

Sunshine119 -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 4:06:48 PM)
I'm new here (and to this lifestlye) and have had many, contacts DESPITE having in my profile that I am in a relationship and currently looking only to chat with other submissives who have more experience than me (almost anyone). There is basically NO other info in my profile that could be of interest to anyone. However, after nicely replying "thank you for your contact, but I am already in a relationship", I have gotten nasty notes back from some dominants....one especially. I had to block that individual. I always wish the person well in their search and am quite polite. I can see why some submissives simply ignore some of these. These message boards have been of more assistance than most of you imagine. There are tons of sites that have no real life experience on them. And being new to all of this, the politeness and respectfulness of you who are real people, actually living this lifestyle, come over loud and clear! Thanks to you all

obis -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 4:57:59 PM)
quote: However, after nicely replying "thank you for your contact, but I am already in a relationship", I have gotten nasty notes back Indeed, I understand some people may find it a courtesy to reply back with a quick "No, thanks", but the reality of online communications is that even such an innocuous and clear reply will seem to many an invitiation to further conversation.

RandBcouple -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/10/2005 5:48:34 PM)
get over it. If someone doesn't reply, obviously they are not interested.

pinkpleasures -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/13/2005 6:49:32 AM)
quote: Indeed, I understand some people may find it a courtesy to reply back with a quick "No, thanks", but the reality of online communications is that even such an innocuous and clear reply will seem to many an invitiation to further conversation. obis That hasn't happened often, and when it has i will explain why we are not suited and again say "no ty"; if i hear from them again i may block them. pinkpleasures

carefulsub -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/13/2005 9:48:40 AM)
I realize how this is my Master/Husband went through just this. But let me tell you it is too hard to respond to everyone. I try. It is just too hard. I wished Doms especially if they write somoeone would give me something interesting to think about, then I would probably write them back. careful

girl4you2 -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/13/2005 10:06:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: obis quote: However, after nicely replying "thank you for your contact, but I am already in a relationship", I have gotten nasty notes back Indeed, I understand some people may find it a courtesy to reply back with a quick "No, thanks", but the reality of online communications is that even such an innocuous and clear reply will seem to many an invitiation to further conversation. this has been the case with me. initially, i tried to respond to everyone, but it does get out of hand, and i don't live online on a computer. i have responsibilities, family, and life to live. i can't spend hours every day responding to scores of emails. when i do, i have quite often gotten several "re-replies" that i've then to answer. not being able to always respond to each email does not have anything to do with whether or not someone is submissive, or the degree of same. it has to do more with time, life, and priorities. i was taught to be polite, and i usually am. that doesn't mean i have 37 hours in a day, much as i've tried to find a way, for everything else in my life. just another perspective.

LoneSheWolf -> RE: please be polite, answer your messages (9/13/2005 10:08:45 AM)
It is difficult at times to reply to all inquires and correspondances in a punctual manner. However, it is also important to try to do so. And while most submissives and slaves understand that the lifestyle requires treating others with respect and courtesy (Yes Doms and Dommes as well should remimber this ) While "no thank you" is not always the answer one wishes for, rejection is not an excuse to be rude. One response I received from a "no thank you" was "Why do You even bother responding?"...Why? Because I treat others, Dome, Domme, sub or slave with courtesy. If common courtesy makes you uncomfortable, simply dont communicate with Me.

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