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The "submissive need" - 1/16/2008 5:42:20 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
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I was talking to a friend recently who is in the process of writing a piece of D/s fiction. She, herself, is a Dominant, but she is writing this specific piece from the point of view of the sub, and she's having some difficulty getting into the right frame of mind, or finding, as she calls it "the submissive need".

She says:

I think it could work, if I can get into [the character's] head and understand the submissive need properly. You'll have to help me there. I mean, I can write the physical side of submission easily - it's the emotional side and understanding the need that sometimes stumps me. Surface expressions I can imagine and write well enough, but I have to actually get inside his head on this one.

Now, personally, I don't think there is a "definitive" submissive need - my opinion is that it really does depend on the individual. However, I think, to some degree, that there is probably something that all submissive have in common when it comes to their needs and desires to submit.

My response to her was:

I don't know if there is one ultimate submissive need... I think it depends on the person. I think in [the character's] case it might come from needing to feel safe and protected... having someone watch over him and take responsibility for him. The liking pain thing is really more of a physical desire than a deep emotional need...

But then I stopped and thought about it. BDSM encompasses so many different elements... D/s, M/s, S&M, B&D, and... well... a myriad of other different dynamics. How much of what we do, as submissives, is driven by a deep, emotional need, and how much is driven by physical desire? Do you need to give that someone special your submission, or do you do it because it's fun? Do you need to be tied up, or does it just turn you on? Do you need S&M in your relationship, or is it just a sexy game? Or is everything you do part of the whole of your submission and you need it all?

When I talk about need here, I don't mean "I need to be submissive in a relationship or the sex isn't as hot", I mean something a lot deeper and more vital.

Ok... I think I'll stop here before I lose my train of thought completely, lol.

< Message edited by sodsta -- 1/16/2008 5:43:38 PM >

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RE: The "submissive need" - 1/16/2008 5:47:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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It's much more "I find my life is more fulfilled by being in a stable relationship with another. In that relationship, I NEED to not have the authority on an ongoing basis."

The rest is all just personal- you'll find no "submissive" need beyond that which can be applied to all subs.

And I personally would be extremely turned off by a sub who just wanted to feel safe, protected and not have responsibility all the time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: The "submissive need" - 1/16/2008 6:32:48 PM

tempest74

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/16/2007
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I "need" to be in a relationship with someone who portrays such a sense of confidence and strength that for once in my life I don't feel the need to outwit/manipulate/get bored with them.

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RE: The "submissive need" - 1/16/2008 6:35:03 PM

fasn8nsub

Posts: 78
Joined: 9/6/2007
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Yeah! What tempest said!!!

slavebitch of MC

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RE: The "submissive need" - 1/16/2008 6:50:15 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

I was talking to a friend recently who is in the process of writing a piece of D/s fiction. She, herself, is a Dominant, but she is writing this specific piece from the point of view of the sub, and she's having some difficulty getting into the right frame of mind, or finding, as she calls it "the submissive need".

Here's the problem I see ... I'm a writer also - erotica and mainstream fiction. I could *never* write a D/s piece from the Dom's POV. I have no intimate understanding of it whatsoever, as I am a slave. She's going to have a very hard time writing from the POV if she can't communicate in a realistic fashion how the sub is truly feeling. She's not going to know the reactions, the thought processes or the emotions behind the character. I could *think* I was doing a good job of writing from the Dom's POV, but I would bet a Dom would read it and know I was 'faking it'. I could describe the actions, the scene, how the Dom would use the sub, but I couldn't communicate the emotions behind it, which make fiction personal. Perhaps if she did a lot of reading on fora such as these - she could read the differing viewpoints of submissives/slaves and learn more about the range of emotions that are experienced. Perhaps she could have a submissive read through her work to give her feedback as to how realistic it is, whether she hits her mark or not. I always use review partners, whose help can be invaluable. I do realize this wasn't the question asked, and I hope I didn't step on toes. This just jumped out at me.

<How much of what we do, as submissives, is driven by a deep, emotional need, and how much is driven by physical desire? Do you need to give that someone special your submission, or do you do it because it's fun? Do you need to be tied up, or does it just turn you on? Do you need S&M in your relationship, or is it just a sexy game? Or is everything you do part of the whole of your submission and you need it all?>

I'm still trying to figure my submission out. It's a learning process for me. I do know that I have that deep, emotional need to submit to and serve my special One. I absolutely need BDSM within our relationship. It is not a sexy game. BUT... this is me - this is how *I* submit - my needs and my need to serve. Like everything else in BDSM, everyone is different.

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RE: The "submissive need" - 1/18/2008 1:24:04 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
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greetings to all,

tempest, you hit the nail on the head. This is true for xian as well.

Thank you!

well wishes,

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