RE: What is it with you people? (Full Version)

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MadRabbit -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 9:03:32 AM)

What the hell is it with people who have pictures that are too dark to see anything?

I mean...seriously...I want an answer to this question.

Why even bother having a picture?



laurell3 -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 9:17:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Thank you all very much for the great advice, it's really helpful. Obviously a great deal of this is me. I do usually just let people ignore all my standards, because of the submissive side. They do start to "shout" when I say say "slow". Thank you Laurell, lol. Yep, I do need a break... whew. And a trip to the humane society... :P Really. Pets are just easier, and less smelly than men... ;) Anyway, *takes a deep breath*. Maybe some part of me is wanting to hurry up and find love.... and I'm letting myself be attracted to those who will tell me want to hear, deep down, though I deny it.. maybe. I need to cut it out myself. So how do you all start things out? Do you really let all your flaws be known at the beginning?


I think the truth is hermoine you still need to work on you.  You have grown so much since you first started posting here, but you still strike me as being a uncomfortable with you and very unsure of who you are.  I'd take a break and make sure you are standing on your own two feet and have realistic expectations about relationships if I were you.  When you do start again remember this.  Your first job in life is to take care of you.  No white knight will do that for you and you have to be the one to set the standards that work for you clearly with others. Who are you precisely and what is it you need/want out of life and a relationship?   If you are having problems doing that which is what your thread seems to say indirectly it's going to be very hard for someone else to accomodate your desires.  Trying to be nice only goes so far.  Being who you are and sending clear messages goes alot further.

good luck!



OmegaG -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 9:17:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

It's not being about incompatible. It's .. just something Doms do. You're talking, and you tell them how you feel about something. They disagree, you get upset... and they tell you to stop talking everytime you bring it up and think you're being "bad" for trying to communicate. They interrupt you in the midst of every serious discussion. I can't take it anymore. :( ><


I have a smoldering temper that can erupt, it took me what seems like a lifetime to learn to communicate before an eruption if possible.  I also learned that I need to keep my mouth shut when upset as I tend to bring alot of crap into the argument that don't belong there.

I refuse to agrue when I am emotional, I take time to sort through my feelings, sometimes I determine that I'm not really that angry at what made me upset, that it was only minor and it was a catylist that brought to the surface other issues that I hadn't delt with properly.  I don't know if this makes sense, but I find if I take time to collect my feelings and to ponder my own emotional state I can get to the heart of the matter and determine how to rationally proceed rather then overwhelm my partner with all the dynamics that led to my breakdown that were ultimately beyond his control or even not even related to him. (maybe as an example-- I just sat in on a bitch session/meeting at work today which I'd rather not have to deal with, maybe tonight he will ask me to do something that I'm not in the mood for-- if I don't purge the work frustration first I could snap at his request whereas in a more pleasant frame of mind I'd sweetly acquiesce-- the problem wouldn't really be him or his request, but my frame of mind at the time)

I've also discovered that one can disagree without being disagreeable.

FWIW-- we've been together for more then 2 months, he's not declared his undying love for me and we've not had an arguement.  It happens.



kittinSol -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 9:50:48 AM)

??????



Dnomyar -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 9:51:02 AM)

Omega how can you disagree without being disagreeable. Isnt that why you are disagreeing in the first place???.



OmegaG -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 10:03:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Omega how can you disagree without being disagreeable. Isnt that why you are disagreeing in the first place???.


it's all in the wording-- you could say "I hate doing X and I'm pissed that you want me to do it right now"

or you can say "I'm haveing a rough day and I'm a bit emotionally raw, as X is something I do for you rather then myself I'd prefer not to do that right now, if you don't mind"

You can say "Chocholate ice cream sucks" or you can say "I prefer not to eat chocholate ice cream"

You can say "I can't believe you want me to wear that blue thing, it's ugly" or "The blue outfit isn't the most attractive on me, can I wear something else"

you can say "there is no freakin way I am putting that damned gag in my mouth" or you can say "My sinuses are stuffed up tonight and I'm afraid I'll have difficulty breathing if I wear that"

Now granted, he may choose to still go with what he desires, but then I know that he's in a particularly sadistic mood and can get over myself and be happy about the relationship in general or I can throw a tantrum-- honestly, if I can't put my big girl panties on and serve him even when he knows my point of view,  I'm not in the right frame of mind to be in that relationship.

I've told him that there are things I don't prefer, sometimes he says that's OK because it's not his favorite, other times he tells me that he likes it and he will expect it at times.  And the gag thing is something we talked about as I have bad sinuses-- he told me to always tell him if I think I'll have trouble breathing.  Breath play in his control is fun, but when it's not in his control he has no desire to indulge.




IrishMist -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 10:29:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Omega how can you disagree without being disagreeable. Isnt that why you are disagreeing in the first place???.

It all depends on how you word it. You can say things in a way that would demand the other person take offense and defend themselves; or you can say things in a way that keeps the peace and calm.

I am very ummm....skilled...at causing people to take offense LOL; you have seen that in the way I answer the board at times lol; and yet, I can say the same thing in a way that is clear, calm, with no intention at causing friction.

Disagree without being disagreeable [:)]



SubbieOnWheels -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 10:31:41 AM)

Well, my dad proposed to my mom on the second date, and they were married for 55 years (until my dad passed away). But that was in 1933, and they were special people.

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.



Justme696 -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 10:37:10 AM)

quote:

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.


Mmm it is good to hear such things. People don't think about such.
Reminds of the time, in movies you see that, where the girls sit in chairs around the dance floor and the guys ask them to dance.



OmegaG -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 10:56:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Well, my dad proposed to my mom on the second date, and they were married for 55 years (until my dad passed away). But that was in 1933, and they were special people.

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.


I also don't make first contact-- it was the way my father raised me and it works for me.  But I also am discriminating about who I form relationships with when they contact me.



realtuffdom -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 12:58:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage and make all kinds of empty promises - and then after the first real argument or two - they run for the hills. Especially if they're wrong. And none of you all can admit it, or apologize - much less communicate. Bah, men.


Maybe it's just one of those weird spurts of time where that sort of thing happens. Oh wait...um, I think I love you. A lot. And want to marry you and give you...um, the moon! Yes, the Moon! And um, oh wait, what was I saying again?



celticlord2112 -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 1:13:11 PM)

quote:

I apparently just attract that type.

Nobody "just attracts" any type.  Attraction happens for a reason.  Change the reason and you'll change the type of men who are attracted to you.

(and yes...that is a LOT easier said than done).



winterlight -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 2:47:13 PM)

i was raised you don't contact a man also. I guess i am a rare breed..



SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 2:56:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

i was raised you don't contact a man also. I guess i am a rare breed..


me three......i have been in real life and on line situations where i thought.....dammit speak to him....speak to him......just cant do it though.......

but i am ok with that.......its just "my normal"



wildangel3825 -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 3:56:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

i was raised you don't contact a man also. I guess i am a rare breed..


me three......i have been in real life and on line situations where i thought.....dammit speak to him....speak to him......just cant do it though.......

but i am ok with that.......its just "my normal"

_____________________________

i initiated contact with my Dom...to this day he remembers what it said and how he replied.  He loves to tease me about it!!! It has worked out very well for us.  i highly recommend it.  But, you may also wish to take a small break and figure out what you want.  Men who give love too easy often take it back even easier...you are a beautiful and sweet girl.  Stop settling just to have a Dom.  The right one will come when you are supposed to find Him and all the trouble you have had will be worth it.  i look at all my prior experiences as steps to get where i was.  i dont regret even the bad relationships. They helped me to grow and develop and be the person i am now.  Even if they just helped me to figure out what i DONT want!!!! 



SirJohnMandevill -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 4:58:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

Sorry, having a bad day, but why is it every Dominant male I meet starts to profess his love within a minute or a few weeks, talk about marriage and make all kinds of empty promises - and then after the first real argument or two - they run for the hills. Especially if they're wrong. And none of you all can admit it, or apologize - much less communicate. Bah, men.


Can you say "hasty generalization," boys and girls? I knew you could.

Dominants come in all sizes, shapes and personality. We don't all do what you've described -- not by a long shot! Keep looking...you'll find one.

Les (who bets every Dom who doesn't act like that looked at your profile!)



SimplyMichael -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/17/2008 5:07:04 PM)

If you "always" meet  a certain type, then YOU are the reason and it is YOUR pattern you need to change.  "Gee, I always meet men who want to party" says the girl sitting at the bar, or "Gee, I always meet these really creepy guys into cross dressing and having anonymous gay sex" says the girl at the Republican convention, or "I don't know what is wrong with men, they all seem to be addicts" says the girl at the AlAnon meeting...

As for "not contacting men first"...I almost never bother contacting women, especially on the internet, I have almost never struck up a relationship that way so I don't bother.  BSB got up the nerve to email me and start flirting and if she hadn't I would never have fallen head over heals in love with her.  Besides, I bet your dad didn't approve of anal sex, fisting, flogging, and buttplugs either...



Dnomyar -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/18/2008 4:50:33 AM)

By not saying hello to someone first you are missing out on a lot of friends. Did it ever occur to you that by not saying hello first makes you look like a self centered snob.



AquaticSub -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/18/2008 5:22:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

Well, my dad proposed to my mom on the second date, and they were married for 55 years (until my dad passed away). But that was in 1933, and they were special people.

I'm of an age that I was brought up in the belief that a woman NEVER approached a man - it was up to the man to decide if he wanted to "chat up" the woman. As a result, I find it very difficult to open a dialog with the men whose profiles look interesting to me. My inner wallflower tells me, "If he is interested in you, he'll contact you. If you contact him first he's going to think you're too desperate, and he's going to ignore you." And that is discouraging.

So I can see why other women hesitate to contact a man they find interesting.


I understand the logic behind this but it's never served me well. Sitting around a waiting for men to notice me always meant I was sitting around eating ice cream. Then I figured out that if I went out and made friends with both genders, it upped my odds of someone realizing they are into me.

Don't contact someone to chat them up, just contact them to chat and let them figure out if they want to chat you up.

My .02



AquaticSub -> RE: What is it with you people? (1/18/2008 5:24:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Besides, I bet your dad didn't approve of anal sex, fisting, flogging, and buttplugs either...


Thank you for making my morning with that phrase! [:)]



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