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Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 5:27:05 PM   
Mirko


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline 		Hey y'all,

After some time, I've found an interesting enough girl, that I'm willing to invest time into developing a D/s relationship with her. She already has some submissive tendencies, and is open to the idea of being submissive in bed, but I'd like to take it out of the bedroom.

Based on the advice I've read so far, my plan currently is to first start developing some deeper aspects of our relationship. I want to start incorporating more elements into the relationship to test the waters (using blindfolds, hand-cuffs). She already knows about the latex clothing business and she's comfortable with that, so it seems that she is at least partially receptive to this idea. 

As for punishment and rewarding, she often does things I like, gives me massages, makes me food, etc.. and I want to develop these behaviors since it is something I enjoy. I'm fairly new to the D/s relatinship myself outside the bedroom, so how would you recommend that I lead the two of us further into this, by talking with her or reinforcing the behaviors?

All the best


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 5:35:00 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Congratulations!   

i am new too,, in my first real real D/s re;ationship. My Owner has 23 years experience which is grately appreciated by me.

Out of the bedroom and in the bedroom we do not scene or play, for us that is important because we do not view D/s as a game. We live it everyy day. Also, He is my Owner at all times no matter where we are or where we go. The rules don't change. It may be down played a bit when we are with our vanilla friends, but it is always between us.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to Mirko)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 6:16:08 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mirko

Hey y'all,

After some time, I've found an interesting enough girl, that I'm willing to invest time into developing a D/s relationship with her. She already has some submissive tendencies, and is open to the idea of being submissive in bed, but I'd like to take it out of the bedroom.

Based on the advice I've read so far, my plan currently is to first start developing some deeper aspects of our relationship. I want to start incorporating more elements into the relationship to test the waters (using blindfolds, hand-cuffs). She already knows about the latex clothing business and she's comfortable with that, so it seems that she is at least partially receptive to this idea. 

As for punishment and rewarding, she often does things I like, gives me massages, makes me food, etc.. and I want to develop these behaviors since it is something I enjoy. I'm fairly new to the D/s relatinship myself outside the bedroom, so how would you recommend that I lead the two of us further into this, by talking with her or reinforcing the behaviors?

All the best





Talk, talk, talk, and more talk.

She may be into kink but not a power/authority dynamic. Before you talk to her, I suggest getting some idea of what you expect or things you would like to work towards, such as her waiting for you by the door every day or having a menu for the week made in advance. Keep in mind that these things aren't written in stone, that which appeals to you now may change or may simply not work out or might sound wonderful in theory but tedious in practice.

Give her resources as well, I find it's helpful for her to think about things on her own, and see if there is something that she would like to work towards in the relationship. I also suggest figuring out what punishment/reward system works for you both or even if you want to forgo one completely. It's hard to suggest potential punishments or rewards since they need to be things that fit the situation, the behavior and will affect reward or punish her.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Mirko)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 6:57:03 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Unless I'm reading this wrong, what you've talked about with her is play and clothes. If you want a relationship with a Ds or Ms dynamic, I highly suggest you discuss that, too. Otherwise, you might end up being the domineering asshole of an ex-boyfriend instead of the Dominant or Master.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Mirko)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 7:03:27 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		LOTS and LOTS of talk and a most excellent trust level.
And if you say "stop" will they ?

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to Mirko)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 7:08:20 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Sorry for the sappy smiley, my computer is doing strange things and will only accept a post to a board if I smile first. Truly. No idea why that is.
  Anyway, take a look at takeninhand.com. It may or may not resonate with you, but it might be a helpful resource.
Also, try talking about your religous and philosophical beliefs. Not everyone has beliefs that fit in with our dynamic, but for some people, they are an important part of it.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 7:14:21 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Taken in hand is my favorite site. It's kind and gentle and real. Lot's of great people on it that you can learn so much from.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 7:19:23 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:


As for punishment and rewarding, she often does things I like, gives me massages, makes me food, etc.. and I want to develop these behaviors since it is something I enjoy. I'm fairly new to the D/s relatinship myself outside the bedroom, so how would you recommend that I lead the two of us further into this, by talking with her or reinforcing the behaviors?


Ultimately, both.

Talk first.  Talk before, during, and after.  Talk always.  But, within limits, experiment a bit (the most obvious limit is she has to be willing to experiment).  Outline some basic rules, and a few basic punishments and rewards....then observe her reactions.  Enforce the rules, and observe her reactions.  At the same time, gauge your own.

And be prepared for one or both of you to want to back away from power exchange at some point.  You may find once you have a taste of power exchange that it's not what you want after all.  Have enough trust in the relationship and honesty about yourself to acknowledge when something isn't working.


_____________________________



(in reply to Mirko)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 7:22:15 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

Sorry for the sappy smiley, my computer is doing strange things and will only accept a post to a board if I smile first. Truly. No idea why that is. 


That just made me giggle. Thank you.

OP; You can't begin a D/s relationship with only the D part knowing what it is. This calls for a lot of discussion on both of your parts, and research on hers.
Also be prepared that she may not be interested in everything you are.

~Christina 

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/17/2008 7:22:41 PM   
destined2serve1


Posts: 18
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline 		i will give my full endorsement of the takeninhand website.  It has been a wealth of information for us too!  Aslo useful imay be some of the domesticdiscpline. They usually deal with much more information pertaining to D/s relationships than their names suggest

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/18/2008 4:08:23 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Well, since presumably your rules will include no lying, I suggest starting by practicing what you preach. Don't pretend to be something you're not and manipulate her into doing stuff. Be honest and talk about it upfront.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to destined2serve1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/18/2008 9:03:50 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		The Loving Dominant is a good book ...BDSM is also a good book for info.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/18/2008 9:33:03 AM   
tulitukka


Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Unless I'm reading this wrong, what you've talked about with her is play and clothes. If you want a relationship with a Ds or Ms dynamic, I highly suggest you discuss that, too. Otherwise, you might end up being the domineering asshole of an ex-boyfriend instead of the Dominant or Master.

Master Fire



My thoughts exactly. Talk, talk, talk. Discuss the idea of taking the dominance and submission outside sex and clothes, see if she likes the idea. Start with small things and keep talking - and most importantly listening. Do things slowly and carefully, don't assume you have right to something you haven't mutually agreed to and be quick to apologize, if you make a wrong assumption, or decision.

I would suggest starting with one single thing and see if it is something that works and then go on from there.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/18/2008 9:43:08 PM   
SouthernSpankin


Posts: 106
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mirko

Hey y'all,

After some time, I've found an interesting enough girl, that I'm willing to invest time into developing a D/s relationship with her. She already has some submissive tendencies, and is open to the idea of being submissive in bed, but I'd like to take it out of the bedroom.

Based on the advice I've read so far, my plan currently is to first start developing some deeper aspects of our relationship. I want to start incorporating more elements into the relationship to test the waters (using blindfolds, hand-cuffs). She already knows about the latex clothing business and she's comfortable with that, so it seems that she is at least partially receptive to this idea. 

As for punishment and rewarding, she often does things I like, gives me massages, makes me food, etc.. and I want to develop these behaviors since it is something I enjoy. I'm fairly new to the D/s relatinship myself outside the bedroom, so how would you recommend that I lead the two of us further into this, by talking with her or reinforcing the behaviors?

All the best



As a fellow Southerner, I like the "y'all," especially since you didn't write "ya'll." Anyway, no doubt you are brand new to all this based on what you wrote. What to tell you? Well you have a girl willing to explore. Enjoy that. See where it leads. If you are happy with that, then all is good. Remember, this BDSM stuff is very cool -- most normal people would love it if they didn't have some sort of close-minded issue against it. It seems like your girl doesn't, so have fun. Don't worry about the fact that she doesn't know a whole lot about BDSM. You don't either. Don't hold back while exploring with her just because you think you are into it more than she is. You might have your dream relationship right in front of you. Don't worry about what the people on here think (trust me, most of the people on here are morons). Trust what you think, that is what your girl is doing. She likes YOU, not the people on here. Give her what you want to give her. Trust me, she will love it. If not, she'll tell you. Just be honest with yourself, give her what you want to give her, or you will never know.

(in reply to Mirko)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/19/2008 10:30:10 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07


Out of the bedroom and in the bedroom we do not scene or play, for us that is important because we do not view D/s as a game. We live it everyy day.
You can live it everyday and still scene/play. Scening is a form of foreplay, and just like all foreplay, whether vanilla or something else.....it is not the entirety of the relationship.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Introducing girl to D/s relationship - 1/19/2008 12:59:39 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mirko
so how would you recommend that I lead the two of us further into this, by talking with her or reinforcing the behaviors?

Well, i may be totally alone in this perspective but, since you asked, i'll tell you what i think. 
 
First, asking anonymous strangers, who know basically nothing about you, what you and your girlfriend should do with your relationship is about as useful as sitting in front of Wal-Mart with a sign saying, "Tell me what to do."  You will, no doubt, get some opinions but, it would be a miracle if you got 'the answer' you need.  But, hey, you never know.  Maybe someone will say just what you need to hear, that will make all the difference and, it will all work out just the way you want.
 
Second, and, again, i'm probably alone on this too but, some girls (women) don't need a bunch of talk.  That's how it is with me, any way.  Oh, talk is fine but, action is better for me.  my introduction to D/s and BDSM happened when my first Dominant partner, who later became my husband, simply took control of me, without any talking about it, first.  Oh, there was nice conversations between us first but, there was no talk about how he was going to do this or that to me or anything about D/s or BDSM or sex or a relationship.  He just took the reigns and rode me the way he wanted and i loved it.  It was exactly what i needed.  Maybe he just knew i was in need of that kind of Domination or, maybe he figured, "nothing ventured, nothing gained" and he just decided he'd go for it and see what happens.  Either way, it worked out very well for both of us.  He led and i gladly followed, like a lost lamb who needed a shepherd to show me the way home.  it was the best thing to happen to me.  People can talk all day long and never get anything accomplished. 
 
You already said that she has submissive tendencies so, why not just take her further into her submissiveness, a little at a time, and see how it goes?  If she resists or has a negative response, then talk about it.  Or, if she has a positive response, then talk about that.  Let her talk about what she's feeling and thinking about the experience.  Maybe, you will find that her submissive tendencies are much deeper than you thought.
 
Any way, that's how it was for me but, since i don't know you, i would also say, don't listen to me.  Listen to your own head and heart and gut about what is right for the two of you. 
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David


(in reply to Mirko)
Profile   Post #: 16
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