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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/18/2008 10:39:43 PM

MisPandora

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You're saying he's been to 100+ lifestyle events and still doesn't get it. He as a submissive is not the center of attention. YOU are supposed to be the center of his attention, and from what you're saying, you're not.

I see you having a few things to decide:
-- cater to what he wants and be his service top
-- put your foot down and tell him that's unrealistic, prepared to dismiss him for his delusions
-- continue to give just what you're giving and put up with his whining and his lack of focus

None of these seem like much fun to me. I'd pack him up on a plane and send him to Other World Kingdom in the Czech Republic for a few weeks so he has a real taste of what real brutal slavery is. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be the center of attention there.

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 2:28:03 AM

Boondoggle

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I don't get the impression that he's been ruining every event they've gone to. Rather, he just seems to be stuck on this one, unrealistic fantasy and instead of it being a pleasurable thing about which to fantasize, he's dwelling on the fact that he hasn't obtained it.

My suggestion is to give him the most memorable combination birthday present & party he's ever had. That's his day, make it all about him, or, well, him being used. If it's an astounding success, you never have to worry about finding the right birthday present ever again, and hopefully he can view it as a once a year treat. If it's not, well, "told 'ya so!"

Edit: And if once a year isn't enough for him, there's always the car alarm.

< Message edited by Boondoggle -- 1/19/2008 2:29:08 AM >

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 2:40:56 AM

Asherdelampyr

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I say put him in a cage under the stairs for a day (make sure he has food and water) after that, he should be better, if that doesnt work, release him, since *obviously* his and your tastes dont match up... Though I suppose you could save the trouble of cleaning the cage and just release him

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 11:13:54 AM

MisPandora

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Boondoggle

I don't get the impression that he's been ruining every event they've gone to. Rather, he just seems to be stuck on this one, unrealistic fantasy and instead of it being a pleasurable thing about which to fantasize, he's dwelling on the fact that he hasn't obtained it.

Unfortunately, the OP didn't reveal all of the information on her first few posts about how he's otherwise great except for this one issue. I didn't get that until I'd already posted and then finished the remainder of the thread. As much as we like to help, we can only do so with the information disclosed by the poster.....

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 11:56:24 AM

BabyDollVanIsle

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LadyKim,

it sounds like he is a very good submissive overall, so why not let him try his fantasy? I like the idea of a private home party with a group of your Domme friends, doing your all to him. this would be the best introduction for him to see if it really works for him or not.

even if he likes it, obviously he has gone 2.5 years with you of good service without having it, he could live it only having it very infrequently.

think of all the fun you could have with him teasing him with the possibily of a repeat, something he has to earn.. use it as a motivator.

even if it doesn't work for him as you set it up, he will probably be able to identify what parts did work and you could refine a favorite scenario for him to reward him with occassionaly.

baby doll

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 12:04:47 PM

Najakcharmer

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Maybe for his birthday?

I see it as somewhat analogous to a spoiled teenage princess insisting that at every party she goes to, everyone has to focus on how pretty her clothes are and how she is doing and give her special attention and presents. That maybe works once a year on your birthday, but if you have that expectation at every party you go to, you are going to be one sad and sorry little brat when it doesn't happen. You'll just piss people off if you insist they have to drop what they're doing to give you attention and cater to your whims. Nobody much likes being used as another person's ego-prop, outside a consensual D/s relationship anyhow.

Thing is, if said spoiled princess is so much of a brat that she can't socialize normally and make friends who like her enough to make a big fuss over her on her birthday, even her birthday is going to be pretty sad. The princess needs to come down off her throne, drop the unrealistic expectations and socialize normally to make friends who are willing to give of their time and attention on her special day. And she's got to pay her dues by giving that same kind of time and attention to others when it is their turn.

If your princess can drop the royal highness act long enough to make friends in the BDSM community, I betcha they'll all be delighted to contribute some of their time and energy to him at an event.

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 3:01:51 PM

LadyKim

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Boondoggle........

You hit the nail right on the head. He does go along with whatever is going on at the events we attend, and he behaves very well as a general rule. Actually, he behaves like a true Southern Gentleman and slave at the events we attend. I like the idea of setting up a private party similar to what he is wanting as a reward for his birthday, and I will seriously consider doing this.

I am a firm believer that everyone enters the lifestyle to have their specific needs met in one way or another. As often as he has mentioned this, I getting the feeling it is one of his needs. He knows I do not see this as a realistic way to live, so it will never develop into the 'norm'. As I said earlier, he mentioned a club in DC that had similar protocols and scenarios. Does anyone know what this club might be?

Thanks for all the input.

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 3:58:09 PM

ShaktiSama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer
If your princess can drop the royal highness act long enough to make friends in the BDSM community, I betcha they'll all be delighted to contribute some of their time and energy to him at an event.

I absolutely agree. There are certainly people in this world who are worth bending over backwards for, at least once in a while!

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 4:50:45 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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I reckon almost all male subs have this fantasy of being done over by lots of people (usually all Dominant women)

I have handled the nagging by smiling sweetly and telling the sub to go to our local commercial dungeon and arrange the scene of his desire at his own expense. I will be there too to watch and learn (aren't I gracious?).

He can get whatever fantasy he wants and negotiate it to be perfect with the pro-dommes. I have actually attended some of the pre-interviews and they were hilarious.

You will be amazed how fast they drop the idea when they discover that their fantasy will cost $300 per hour per person. Suddenly the stuff all us "fakes" are doing for fun for free at clubs doesn't look so bad.

So NO, I am not going to pimp my own sub to my girlfriends and beg them to do a group scene with him! In my home or a club. How undignified!

PS however if people were looking for a bottom for, say, a CBT workshop or caning demo, I would volunteer him for that (if he had been a good boy). And go along to make sure my property has a safe word and isn't given any diseases. Otherwise he is on his own. Other people appreciate being loaned subs when they don't have their own.

PPS my current sub does not want to play with anyone but me, so this Gimme-More! Gimme-More issue never comes up any more in my life

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 1/19/2008 5:02:20 PM >

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RE: Unrealistic Expectation - 1/19/2008 11:53:38 PM

MisPandora

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

I reckon almost all male subs have this fantasy of being done over by lots of people (usually all Dominant women)

I have handled the nagging by smiling sweetly and telling the sub to go to our local commercial dungeon and arrange the scene of his desire at his own expense. I will be there too to watch and learn (aren't I gracious?).

He can get whatever fantasy he wants and negotiate it to be perfect with the pro-dommes. I have actually attended some of the pre-interviews and they were hilarious.

You will be amazed how fast they drop the idea when they discover that their fantasy will cost $300 per hour per person. Suddenly the stuff all us "fakes" are doing for fun for free at clubs doesn't look so bad.

So NO, I am not going to pimp my own sub to my girlfriends and beg them to do a group scene with him! In my home or a club. How undignified!

PS however if people were looking for a bottom for, say, a CBT workshop or caning demo, I would volunteer him for that (if he had been a good boy). And go along to make sure my property has a safe word and isn't given any diseases. Otherwise he is on his own. Other people appreciate being loaned subs when they don't have their own.

PPS my current sub does not want to play with anyone but me, so this Gimme-More! Gimme-More issue never comes up any more in my life

Actually, your post just made me think of something. Someone bought Midori in an auction at an event and gave it to a friend. It involved a day-old fish that had been sitting in her hot car, among other things....all in a rather public (SM) setting. Perhaps something like that would break this little need. Heck, I've seen volunteers for her humiliation play classes endure the whole damn class bursting their sides laughing at those who suffer in the name of education. Just a thought...

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