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how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/18/2008 9:59:46 PM   
HOUDINI1961


Posts: 71
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline 		need vs. want.

that's always been my problem. what i need, i don't want.

i need a Master's ownership, contract, no way out, TPE, total control, bondage, chastity, humilation, permanent markings, control over money/friends, etc.

but, i don't want it, i wish i could turn vanilla. my kink has screwed up every relationship i have had. i've lost many together guys because of my needs and instead i've met alot of leather wackos.

of course also, i've never been fulfilled in a vanilla relationship. it's always like the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. plus i'm on the cusp of Sagittarius and Scorpio, talk about bi-polar! LOL!

im freakin' 46, if i dont become a slave soon, what Master is going to want an old slave?

i know this is stupid but sometimes i feel like i need a forced no way out scenario, so i can't back down or get cold feet and learn to live my needs. that's why i need ink and rings to show i will be property forever. i know there is a big taboo on non-consenual/abduction, etc. so i won't even talk about that.

is there anyone else consumed by their demons? how does one finally let itself go...............?
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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 2:18:38 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		Mmmm my previous relation was one that switched for several reasons between "vanilla"  and Ms.
We wanted things..but it was impossible to have...When we had...one of us didn't want it.
In the end we talked long about all. Instead of beeing her a slave, I treated her as a sub. That was a big step and made her life better....and of course mine became automatically better too.
Still things were soemtimes difficult...and we ended beeing Ms only in the bedroom......but gladly we were often in the bedroom.

I am not able to give advise on life, but for us it was foolowing your heart...give and take....but mostly....don't focus to much on things or hunt them. Let it happen, and talk...talk...talk.


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 7:25:55 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
Even though i'm not a Master, i read your post and had to comment because it was like reading about myself.  Just from what you wrote here, i must say that i share more in common with you than with anyone, man or woman, i have ever met or read about.  i went through the same feelings that you have expressed.  And, for many, many, many years i fought with myself about what i was feeling.   i tried to have D/s relationships and they didn't work.  Then, i would try to have vanilla relationships and they didn't work.  i would bounce back and forth between D/s and vanilla relationships, always feeling that there was something "wrong with me" because i couldn't ever feel really happy or satisfied in any relationship, even though i was with some really great guys.  i wished that i could 'be like everyone else' and just have a 'normal' relationship.  i even went through long stretches of time when i thought that maybe i just wasn't meant to be in a relationship and i wouldn't 'bother' trying to be with anyone.  It wasn't that i didn't want what i needed.  It was that i didn't want to be frustrated by not having what i needed.  Are you really sure that you don't want what you need? And, of course, as the years went by and i was getting older and older, without being able to find what i needed and wanted, i would think, "What man is going to want me, when there are plenty of young women for them to choose from?"  And, that was when i was 30!  Then, i got hit by a car and ended up with some big scars on my body and had a leg amputated and, then i thought, "What man is going to want me, now that i'm not only old but also damaged goods?" Then, as a nearly 50 year old, one-legged woman, i met The Man i had been searching for all those years.  The One who would fill that need in me and give me all that i had been longing for.  It happened here, on CM, just over 2 years ago and i now know that, even though it would have been great if it could have happened years earlier, it happens when it happens.   There's no magic formula to make it happen when you want but, you do need to make yourself available and ready for it, when it does happen.  Don't ever give up but, also, don't become so focused on that one need that all of your other needs fall to the side.  Keep living your life, the best that you can, and be happy when you do find what you're looking for. joyOwned servant of Master David 
quote:

ORIGINAL: HOUDINI1961
need vs. want.

that's always been my problem. what i need, i don't want.
im freakin' 46, if i dont become a slave soon, what Master is going to want an old slave?

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 8:21:28 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		There is an old saying about marriage and fidelity, "no ring will plug a hole."  Same goes for chains and collars...

The answer for your issues lies within you.  I bet if you ask all those "Leather wackos" their opinion of you, there will be a commonality in there somewhere.  While they may not be right, there will be truth in it somewhere.  Perhaps you seek someone else to "fix you" and when they aren't "strong enough" you blame them?  Nobody but you can fix your life, a healthy well adjusted partner can help but they can't make it happen.

The solution isn't finding the right master, it is understanding and dealing with your own demons that will change your life.

I don't have the "perfect submissive" because there is no such thing.  I wouldn't have recognized nor could I have inspired and nurtured her surrender to me before I dealt with my own inner demons.  It is only because I changed/grew/matured that I could find the perfect submissive FOR ME.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 1/19/2008 8:22:25 AM >

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 8:44:06 AM   
kajira2surrender


Posts: 33
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings HOUDINII

Quote: i need a Master's ownership, <snip> no way out, TPE, total control, bondage, chastity, humilation, permanent markings, control over money/friends, etc. <snip>
sometimes i feel like i need a forced no way out scenario, <snip> and learn to live my needs.

i had to fight to avoid reading the rest of the comments here before answering you for i wished to answer this direct question from my own personal feelings as well.
Yes, i have gone through much of the same reaction you now are going through.
There have recently been the times i simply want to give up and say the heck with this and throw in the towel.
But about four years ago i had what i refer to as an awakening within myself, i am now 43...once aware, once done, cannot be undone.
No matter what i have tried to do to avoid feeling the slave inside of me, all it does is become stronger, more determined to serve.
Now i have gotten to the point i crave, desire, feel like i am nearly bleeding inside if it does not happen like yesterday...smiles.
But then again, i am also practical, i will not simply lay myself out for every Tom, Dick or Harry that claims to be what they say they are...and i have a realife that presently is counter acting with this strong need inside.
Friends help, connections help a whole lot.
Yes i do share your frustrations...just wished to let you know.



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i wish you all well

kira

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 9:15:25 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		As long as you're conflicted about yourself, you are less likely to find someone. If you had the choice of being with someone who genuinely liked himself or being with someone who went through frequent periods of self loathing, and therefore loathing of the partner that only works for half of you - which would you pick? The happy person or the one with unresolved issues?

Become happy in who you are and stop looking for someone to 'force' you or fix you. Because only then are you going to find a healthy relationship. And brands, inks, locking collars etc don't hold a heart. People have had all that and more and still walked from unfulfilling relationships.

The other thing is that going from vanilla to 24/7 heavy M/s is not advisable. You haven't any real experiences to base it on, just fantasy. And take it from those who know that the reality is quite unlike the fantasy. I can assure you that my fantasies never involved crawling under furniture looking for cast off socks, or staying up till midnight to proof read business papers when I had to be up in 6 hours.

It is always better to walk before you run.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 9:30:19 AM   
kajira2surrender


Posts: 33
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		If i crawl under the table and find socks i would wash them...smiles.

But in all seriousness, yes you are correct, fantacy and reality are two very different shall i say animals, even from my perspective.

i do not have the luxury of living in a fantacy world though.

Many who are serious about their various choices in lifestyles sometimes have to spend years online learning through this venue...others simply play at it.

Depends on the persons rl situations at the time.

i have had my knocks during this learning process, but 'never' gave up...simply couldn't as i said.
But i truly wouldn't wish to either.

As slavegirljoy said above, when the time is right...it will happen...smiles.

_____________________________

i wish you all well

kira

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 9:56:46 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm; sounds like me lol. I hate being a submissive; I hate that feeling inside to the point that I just want to scream and tear at someone. What's more, I fight it, and I fought it in the past. It was fortunate for me that I happened to find a man who did not care how much I fought it or him; there was no other for me; and as far as he was concerned, the minute I walked in his door, I was his. From that moment on, my needs, my wants, my wishes, my struggles...no longer meant shit as far as he was concerned because in the end, he got his way anyway.

Now, I don't advise that you look for the kind of relationship that I had; that would be signing a suicide note for yourself; but...perhaps you could take some serious time off from looking for someone and re-examine yourself and what it is that you are actually looking for; what it is that fulfills you. Just my two cents is all.



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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 10:15:06 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		FR

My impression, which could very well be wrong, is that you have been expecting others to be something they are not, and then getting very frustrated when that happens.

You screwed up vanilla relationships by trying to make them M/s.  Well, as great as a person that was, they were NOT the flavor you needed.  There are some things that are not negotiable, and trying to change what someone is at their core is one of those.

And on the other hand, you are not happy with the M/s people you have been involved with.  That doesn't mean it's wrong for you, just that the people are the wrong ones for you, and perhaps your expectations of those people are the wrong expectations.

Having said that, I don't think you're going to find something that fulfills you until you become more honest with yourself on what works for you and what does not. 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 12:00:44 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		There are 2 issues you need to confront.
1. Sort threw the huge amount of people who are not honest with what they post an ad for. There are some here who are honest and open about what they seek, so its definately doable. May not be easy or simple but its doable.

2. Your personal commitment level, Are you really ready and willing to give up all of YOU for anothers control. It may be easy to say you will, but if you post an ad here saying YOU have conditions or restrictions like "you only will drink the best wine from ..." You must be able to quite literally hand someone else your entire life, much less your wallet, identifications, and stuff. Are you ready to do that.

I am not saying go in blindly, Thats why a good negotiated contract is really necessary.

We have met many people here, most are not earnest and committed (or just plain not honest) Some say they want that level of commitment but are unwilling to even answer some basic questions. Do we give up-- no We will continue to search, and meet and that committed person or couple we seek will turn up eventually.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 4:42:45 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		You're pushing 50, you're old already. And if you're that tormented by you, see a therapist. I mean, I can throw a whole lot of cliches at this, but if they worked for you you'd have done them already. So get some help, we all sometimes need that.

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 4:45:42 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

You're pushing 50, you're old already.


Maybe you consider 50 old, I doubt anyone over 30 would agree with you.

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if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/19/2008 4:52:32 PM   
hawkwolf7


Posts: 85
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		I feel your pain...

Please allow me to share a little perspective.

It has been my personal experience that BDSM, D/s, M/s, and SM all very much consist of "two steps forward, one step back" processes. And this means there are going to be times when we are stepping back and forth across a hard boundary like "vanilla" versus "kinky", or D/s versus M/s, or "gay" versus "leather". These times are personally painful because we aren't sure what we want, aren't sure what we need... we feel we have lost who we are... and that is always hurtful and emotionally tumultuous.

By the way, this isn't just true of people who are new to an alternative lifestyle. It is also true of many (or most) of us who are trying new things and pushing our personal boundaries (which is how we grow). I was in that place the first time I went to a dungeon, and liked what I saw. I was in that place the first time I received someone's total and complete surrender. I was in that place the first time I confronted my primal sadistic self. I was in that place the first time someone wanted to be my slave and put their entire life, their entire well-being into my hands.

And, I fully expect to be there again in the future... because the alternative is to quit growing... forever. And if that is the case, then I have let my fear conquer my life, conquer my passion. And then I might as well die... because trying new things, conquering my fear every day, and continuing to grow is what makes life worth the the hurt, worth the turmoil.

So, the perspective I would offer you is this: Where you are right now sucks, sucks big time. The only thing worse is never getting there.

HawkWolf

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/21/2008 10:05:33 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		The age issue is a big thing in the Gay community but I dont really think it is that bad in the Gay Leather community as compared to the greater gay community where it is huge.  At the ripe age of 48 myself, I would certianly take on an older slave as long as he was within a few years of my age.  I would not look for a young guy, I do perfer someone with stability that normally comes with age.  Also with age you get much more life expereince to draw on.

The no way out senerio is hard to maintain you need to look at this hard and pick carefully what you can accept and live with in this setting.  I am not saying you have not done this but many of the slaves that I have talked with have not done this.  I have talked with a few slaves who want this, and this is something that I can not offer and ensure that the slave is safe and will not come to harm when I am not there.  But this again all comes down to what you can actually live with with and what you work out in advance.

Take you time when meeting people and talk with them about what your needs are and see if they truly can be meet by that person you are talking with.  When I talk with someone I want to know there needs and see if they fit/work in with mine if that is not occuring on thier part you need to move on. 

I also recommend limiting yourself to someone close by, this way you get a chance to know each other in person and find out if it's going to work out without the distance causing every meeting to like a "honeymoon" and bluring what real life is going to be like.

Also one thing I have always found is that things happen for me when I am not looking for them. 

Mike

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RE: how does one give into the need of slavery? - 1/21/2008 10:52:09 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		What caught me most about your post is that you feel conflicted by demons, rather than embracing the wonderful you that you are, complete with all of your unique characteristics.  I see a lot of internal conflict and a fear of your own passion. 

I would urge you to not be too conflicted about your age.  I know it is scary as we grow older without a certainty of where we will be in life, or with whom.  But you'd be surprised, and hopefully take comfort, in how many people have "started over" in their mid 40s-50s.  Happiness can indeed be found, if you can quit fighting yourself along the way.

So you've realized you can not be fulfilled with "vanilla".  That's a start!  I used to feel as you do - this need to be "forced."  But that's because I had not yet come to terms with my inherent need for strict ownership.  Once I became enslaved to a hard-ass, strict, demanding owner, I could relax inside.  But don't worry about the age thing.  My Master is nearing 60 and we are looking for a submissive male.  46 is young, to us. 

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