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Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 3:22:35 PM   
slave4you121


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		When do you tell a Mistress enough pain , flogging and total discomfort. This goes on twice a week, the marks just go away and you get 10 more, not as punishment but just because it pleases her... ENOUGH ! HELP
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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 3:26:36 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		first;
communicate
2nd use signals and safe words.

"I" have a scarf i hang onto ..when it gets too rough..i wave it for yellow.
if i can't take anymore.......i drop it for red. and it ends.

wolf


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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 3:26:45 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		Your profile says you are looking, which is it?? You have a sadistic Mistress, or you don't....

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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 3:40:51 PM   
slave4you121


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		I have a brutal Mistress and I am looking for one not so brutal. She does not know about my plans!
Thanks

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 3:53:09 PM   
MistressGrace07


Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		Communication is VITAL

I highly recommend people filling out a "scene negotation" form like the one found here: http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/electricnegoform.htm

This can help communicate BEFORE play what safewords/signals should be.

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 4:16:19 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

I have a brutal Mistress and I am looking for one not so brutal. She does not know about my plans!
Thanks


So let me get this straight.

You're soliciting advice and sympathy (probably more sympathy than advice) because you are with someone who plays harder than you want....but you're not talking to her about it, you haven't left her, and you are sneaking around behind her back to find someone more to your liking.

Huh?

Are you hoping to find someone who reads minds, so you don't have to put yourself in the position to oh I don't know...TALK about what you want and need?




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~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 5:39:23 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		COMMUNICATION please. ( Not yelling just emphasizing)

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 5:53:48 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Tell her to friken eaze up on your lilly white ass or you're going to find someone who will......Then, Brace yourself!

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 7:02:25 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Tell her to friken eaze up on your lilly white ass or you're going to find someone who will......Then, Brace yourself!


Too funny...and accurate!

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 9:02:26 PM   
KCMOLucky


Posts: 121
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Kansas City, Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

I have a brutal Mistress and I am looking for one not so brutal. She does not know about my plans!
Thanks


So let me get this straight.

You're soliciting advice and sympathy (probably more sympathy than advice) because you are with someone who plays harder than you want....but you're not talking to her about it, you haven't left her, and you are sneaking around behind her back to find someone more to your liking.

Huh?

Are you hoping to find someone who reads minds, so you don't have to put yourself in the position to oh I don't know...TALK about what you want and need?





Precisely. I don't know, maybe you and I are the only ones who wouldn't be able to trust someone who left their current Mistress for someone else.

Slave, IMHO, the rules of fidelity in a vanilla relationship are pretty much the same in a D/s relationship. Communication is key, and if you sneak around behind her back, what's to stop you from doing that to me, instead of communicating?

Also, I have to wonder, do you let the current Mistress' who DO email you know your current situation? If not, that's incredibly dishonest of you.

I'm sorry, but you have no sympathy or advice from me, regardless of the fact that you are in over your head, because of the simple fact that you refuse to help yourself.


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I don't have PMS, I just disagree with you.

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 9:09:44 PM   
MsHoney2you


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KCMOLucky



Precisely. I don't know, maybe you and I are the only ones who wouldn't be able to trust someone who left their current Mistress for someone else.

Slave, IMHO, the rules of fidelity in a vanilla relationship are pretty much the same in a D/s relationship. Communication is key, and if you sneak around behind her back, what's to stop you from doing that to me, instead of communicating?

Also, I have to wonder, do you let the current Mistress' who DO email you know your current situation? If not, that's incredibly dishonest of you.

I'm sorry, but you have no sympathy or advice from me, regardless of the fact that you are in over your head, because of the simple fact that you refuse to help yourself.



Wonderfully put, I too have nothing to say nor do I wish to have a sub/slave such as this. No matter what some may think, I am not a mind reader and it could possibly be his Dominant isn't either.. maybe that's why she plays hard? to find his limits?
Good luck and I hope you do not live/play in my pond,
Ms Honey


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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/29/2005 9:12:35 PM   
Alixandria


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/27/2005
From: Edmonton, Alberta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4you121

I have a brutal Mistress and I am looking for one not so brutal. She does not know about my plans!
Thanks
I'm going to answer this as if it was a straightforward abusive situation. It may be or it may not be, that is not the issue.

If this is not an abusive situation, then it's about time you communicate with your Mistress about your distress (and I believe the distress is probably real) preferably out of role.

If this is an abusive situation, then the last thing you want to do is dive into another relationship. The advice then is to get out of the situation altogether and regroup. It will take time to figure out what went wrong so that you don't wind up in the same fix again. The chance of landing in a healthy relationship as a rebound from an abusive situation does not work. For one thing, a person who is healthy and is looking for a similarly healthy partner is rightfully cagy about engaging with someone who is currently in a traumatic situation. The drama is not worth it.

Alix

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/30/2005 1:40:32 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I have a brutal Mistress and I am looking for one not so brutal. She does not know about my plans!
I can't believe you thought about this, typed it, and thought it a good idea to post and expose yourself as a liar who is currently disrespecting his mistress by sneaking behind her back instead of talking to her like an adult.

There is also the possibility you thought that coming here playing victim would get you some sympathetic mistress' attention??? You could have just posted on the forums, minus the drama and lies. M

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/30/2005 2:44:08 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline
quote:

I have a brutal Mistress and I am looking for one not so brutal. She does not know about my plans!


This person must be joking, i can not see any other way he could ahve actualy have written this.

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/30/2005 6:29:59 AM   
pandora29


Posts: 22
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline 		I do have to agree,this is attempted cheating in a relationship. Even though it's not a 'nilla relationship and you can't schedule a counciling session w/o getting looked at when you reveal your problem,it still needs to be handled with respect.If you haven't talked to your Mistress that's problem one,if you never established safe words or gestures that's problem two.

Ok worse case senario you talk to her and she doesn't care then you have some ground to decide what to do.I know this might get me some flack but... you did make the choice to submit and you do have the choice to leave.

Just my thoughts on the whole situation

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/30/2005 6:40:31 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

When do you tell a Mistress enough pain , flogging and total discomfort. This goes on twice a week, the marks just go away and you get 10 more, not as punishment but just because it pleases her... ENOUGH ! HELP


When it's enough. You have a responsibility when you are bottoming to someone, and that responsibility is to communicate. Tops aren't mind readers, regardless of the nature of your relationship.

My Sir and I had an interesting conversation this weekend about safewords. He started by saying he doesn't believe in them, which of course, puzzled me. He doesn't want to hear "Scarlet" he doesn't want to hear "Butterfly" he doesn't want to hear "Red". What he wants to hear is "Sir, I've had enough, I don't think I can take anymore. Of course you are free to do what you wish, but I've had it," or something along those lines.

I understand what he's saying here, but sometimes, I don't have the head to say all that. Sometimes, all I can do is say "Sir" and shake my head. For us, this is the equivolent of me saying the long sentance, and he acknowledges this. He doesn't want some magic word, he wants me to communicate. What he doesn't always understand, and he says as much, is the 'space' I hit and the fact that sometimes, it takes me 5 minutes to get the thought from my brain to actually spew out my mouth. Sometimes, "Stop" is all I can manage, and he realizes that this isnt' because I wish to disrespect him, rather, it's really all I am capable at the time.

But the bottom line here is, I am responsible to communicate to him. He takes that responsibility seriously, and so do I.

Lily

< Message edited by ProtagonistLily -- 8/30/2005 6:41:51 AM >

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RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/30/2005 8:11:56 AM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		The common thread in this is COMMUNICATION!!!!!

Do not expect her to know everything that is going on in your mind. Tell her, but be respectful. If she is unwilling to listen and take action based on the information you have provided her with, then you should seek elsewhere.

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/30/2005 12:51:04 PM   
SlaveR1


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/20/2005
Status: offline 		My advice to you is to talk this out with your Mistress. Now I realize I don't know you and I don't know what type of relationship you have with your Mistress. But I have never found anyone who you could not negotiate with. The first tip I will give you is, find some common ground as a starting point. Make a list of what you hope to accomplish. Now keep in mind negotiations are give and take, so if you accomplish say 70% of your goals, I would consider it a successful day. Now it's up to you what you want do, so give everything considerable thought before you act. I am not going to play judge or jury this is a decision that has to come from your heart. I wish you well.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Misterss enough !!!!!! - 8/30/2005 2:06:35 PM   
sf-Sub


Posts: 61
Status: offline 		First have you ever discussed safe words with her? Example: you say red it means ‘stop’ or ‘yellow’ means slow it down and ‘green’ I’m okay for more. Yes, communication is key – speak up. Tell her you need to talk with her about something that is very important to you and let her know what is going on in your mind.

Second, you can seek out a kink aware counselor to help you. Look for ‘KAP’, BSDM psychologist’ or ‘kink aware psychologist’ via google or try:

http://home.swipnet.se/~w-13968/psycho.html#connecticut

http://www.bannon.com/kap/psycho.htm

*Also professionals on this list maybe able to recommend a professional for you.

Third, if you feel you are in a bad situation that permanently threatens your future bodily functions or emotional state run for the door. No relationship is worth being permanently damaged in any area of your being. Exit the relationship get to a safe place where you can rebuild and move on.

Also think about what this Connecticut Psychologist has to say it is just another opinion and perhaps a resource you may want to contact (I noted your profile states you live in CT):

<BEGIN SNIP>

“Another theory is that people who practice BDSM do so because they are reenacting, or attempting to master their feelings about behavior they saw growing up. Someone who lived in a household where love was associated with abuse and cursing might play out similar scenarios in his or her own adult relationship.

That's what clinical psychologist Jefferson Singer has seen in his patients. Singer, a professor at Connecticut College, said BDSM also gives some individuals a structured way to act-out otherwise frightening impulses.

"They're terrified of being called no good or a slut or whore or bitch, so to create a context where they control that happening, they tell their partner to do that and they forestall it happening to them in another context," he said. “

BDSMers are quick to insist that they are no more likely to have been abused than the average person walking down the street. But they occasionally will admit that even they see a connection between their interests and their childhoods. "
<END SNIP>

See complete article here:
http://www.hartfordadvocate.com/gbase/News/content.html?oid=oid:119802


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