What would you look for in a first message?

What would you look for in a first message? (Full Version)

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TenchiRyokoMuyo -> What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:12:48 PM)
I'm new to the spot of BDSM, and I am trying to find my way in it. However...I seem to be doing something wrong with how I approach someone. Everyone that messages me first, we talk quite a bit. And we both enjoy talking to each other. However...whenever I try to message someone first, they never reply to me. I am always respectful, and show my curiosity in a healthy way. I introduce myself by name, and to them by their name, or screenname. I tell a small bit about myself, then ask them something about themselves, that isn't in their profile. However, so far, I've probably messaged...10 people, and none of them have ever replied to me. What, as submissives/slaves, do you look for when a Master/dominant messages you?

BR549 -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:27:36 PM)
1. I NEVER use just one line, not if I want a reply. I try to ask a question or make a comment that shows I read the entire profile and thought about it. I usually don't say things like "Let's get together" or really suggest that BDSM is why we're all here. I try to make a semi witty remark. In other words, I try to treat them like a real person who has a real life and I try to present myself as a real person who is someone they would be interested in being around. The nipple clamps are just extra. The good news is I almost always get an answer. The bad news is that it almost never gets to the nipple clamps. But it's a start. Jon

tigerstyle -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:28:55 PM)
I used one-liners all the time, but I make them about something in the profile. It's like making conversation at a party, you don't walk up and tell someone your whole life story.

CalifChick -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:29:25 PM)
Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses. Cali

TenchiRyokoMuyo -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:49:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses. Cali Hello there ____ , my name is Thomas. I'm a dominant living down in Florida. I'm just now stepping into the cyber-world of BDSM, though I've known I was a dominant for most of my life. I'm trying to meet new people in the BDSM world, and you've sparked my personal interest. I hope to hear back from you soon.

tigerstyle -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:53:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses. Cali Hello there ____ , my name is Thomas. I'm a dominant living down in Florida. I'm just now stepping into the cyber-world of BDSM, though I've known I was a dominant for most of my life. I'm trying to meet new people in the BDSM world, and you've sparked my personal interest. I hope to hear back from you soon. That lacks any sense of personality. It could be a robot trying to pass a bdsm turing test.

AquaticSub -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:54:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses. Cali Hello there ____ , my name is Thomas. I'm a dominant living down in Florida. I'm just now stepping into the cyber-world of BDSM, though I've known I was a dominant for most of my life. I'm trying to meet new people in the BDSM world, and you've sparked my personal interest. I hope to hear back from you soon. That sounds like you've copied and pasted it into more than one e-mail, which is a huge turn off for me. If I got that letter, I wouldn't think you had actually read my profile. I've sparked you interest, you claim, but how and why? I'm very suspicious of letters that claim they have read my profile or that I've sparked their interest without showing that they actually have. This could be because my profile very clearly says that I'm taken and yet I've had people tell me that my profile says I'm single. If I were to become single again, I don't think I would be any less suspicious.

TenchiRyokoMuyo -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:56:47 PM)
Yeah, I guess you're both right. What would be an appropriate time-frame between original send date, and trying again? Or should I even try again on the same person? I so don't want to be thought of as a stalker, lol.

vagabondduo -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 1:59:46 PM)
This reads like a generic copy and pasted message. Read it critically. You could use it dozens of times just changing the name of the person you're writing it to. Now....rewrite the message saying what in the profile attracted your attention. What do you both have in common? The words "you've sparked my personal interest" say absolutely nothing toward why your interest was sparked.

AquaticSub -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:02:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo Yeah, I guess you're both right. What would be an appropriate time-frame between original send date, and trying again? Or should I even try again on the same person? I so don't want to be thought of as a stalker, lol. shrugs You just always just be honest and send them a message saying "Hey, I just realized that my first message wasn't all that appealing and I'd like to give it another shot." Then say what you want to say.

tigerstyle -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:04:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo Yeah, I guess you're both right. What would be an appropriate time-frame between original send date, and trying again? Or should I even try again on the same person? I so don't want to be thought of as a stalker, lol. I wouldn't worry too much about what they thought of you. Some people are always going to like you, some loathe you and some feel great indifference towards your very existence. Just "be yourself", don't take any of it too seriously, and make each message personal in some small way.

GoddessTeaze -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:07:52 PM)
What is it that you would like to hear yourself??? What makes you tick? Personal attention, something nice and kind , why do you respond to them, and not someone else? Warm Greetingz GoddezzT`

softness -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:09:13 PM)
no cock pics no email addresses or phone numbers no collars no erotic stories no lists of Dommy prowess no offers of slavery I respond to every email i get, the ones that get more than a polite "thankyou go away" are the emails that have been original, to the point, not to pushy, intersting, spelled correctly, obviously written to me and not a cut and paste, they show the sender has read and understood my profile, and that asks qustions about me that are about me and not my sexual preference.

RCdc -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:09:38 PM)
It doesn't sound copy paste to me, but it is impersonal. Mentioning 'cyber world' would put me off immediately. Your age as well isn't going to help you, along with the likes you have listed and they contradict. Personal interest makes me feel a bit invaded. Mention the interest rather than leaving it to guess. Your photograph are too dark and if you are trying to say anon, then it wouldn't work with the photograph you have used (just a warning). I peeked your profile and it could be interpreted that you have a 'problem' with certain types of females. That would put me off as well. the.dark.

TenchiRyokoMuyo -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:20:15 PM)
Nah, I'm not trying to go anon, I just take -really- crappy pictures. And I would never send a picture of myself nude. That's just creepy. And my interests, are my interests. I don't see how they contradict, I only looked at the things that were available, and chose them as accurately as possible. Though I am probably going to remove some, and make the interests smaller, and more exact.

CalifChick -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:21:33 PM)
I would spend some time working on your profile. You don't have to answer EVERY interest - it makes it look like you're trying to be all things to all people. Take some of those out, and keep in the ones that are important to you. Your huge list of "lives for" and "loves" seems... a little too much for someone who is only 18 years old. I'd say take out at least half of them. At LEAST half. The wording of your profile needs some tweaking. For instance, saying you've been dominant for as long as you can remember that you've been sexually active... well, the sentence structure needs some work, but so does the sentiment behind it. You're ONLY 18... when did you figure out you were dominant? Surely not so long ago that you've forgotten. Also, acknowledging that while it is a kink for some women, I would venture to say that it is not a "mainstream" kink (for lack of a better phrase) for the majority of women to have a man who wants them to be fat. If you are not a "feeder" but merely someone who likes large women, there is a way to get that across without sounding like you're a feeder. Based on that section alone, if I received any type of email from you I would not be interested (were I in the vicinity of your age). You also might consider a journal entry, to show a bit more of who you are. Good luck. Cali

RCdc -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 2:55:22 PM)
What Cali mentioned is where your profile is contradicting to me - as well as slightly 'not sure and undecided'. That is a big put off because you cannot negociate with someone who is unsure themselves. I would also suggest that if you really dislike something, then add it, but if it really isn;t something you even consider or refers to you, then don't bother mentioning it - otherwise saying things like you 'dislike' queening or use such a strong word as 'hate' female supremacy - really would put me off. And not trying to sound condecending, but how can so many of your likes be live for when you admit you are only just starting out and have not had experience of them - that is where I see a contradiction. I just cannot personally see how you can 'live for' knife play, humiliation etc without experience when you say you are just starting out looking for your 'woman'. the.dark.

TenchiRyokoMuyo -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 3:22:11 PM)
Thank you all very much for your help, and I'll take all your advice to heart. I've already lowered my 'interests' to probably about 1/3rd of it's original content, and I'll be re-writing my profile. I'm also about to put a journal entry.

Aileen1968 -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 3:46:49 PM)
I think you should write the way you're interacting here in this thread. You are coming across as a sincere, nice guy. Tell them what it is about their profile that caught your attention.

PorcelainDoll13 -> RE: What would you look for in a first message? (1/19/2008 3:56:08 PM)
Oh, honey, I just checked out your profile and I think you might want to work on it a bit. No offense, but the overall tone seems kinda smarmy. I can't really place what it is, but something just seems off with it, almost like you're not willing to take this lifestyle seriously. Maybe it's the constant references to "collarme residents" and constantly refering to the cyber-world thing. This is just my opinion though, so take it as you'd like. Personally, I check every person's profile that sends me an email and yours would definatly put me off.

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