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Relationship Intensity - 8/30/2005 12:32:26 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		One of the things I have found in enjoying the friendships of people I have the opportunity to meet in the lifestyle is that we all have a certain amount of focus on making our relationships intense. Of course the intensity is relative and different from one relationship to another. A few questions for discussion.... What do you do to keep the intensity up in the relationship... what works what didn't work for you. What happens when things get to intense, how do you stop it from getting there. and of course... how do you stop it from lacking intensity and just become boring.

just thoughts to bat for discussion

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 8/30/2005 1:29:43 PM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Lack of intensity is not our problem- sometimes there are problems about where the intensity is, though. When I get that all worked out, I'll let you know.

Cane

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 8/30/2005 3:54:45 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		i thrive on intensity!!!!! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 8/30/2005 8:11:23 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I don't aspire to maintain a certain level of intensity within our dynamic. For myself, that's as certain a recipe for disappointment as pursuing a passionate love affair. For longevity, I am of the opinion that a relationship based on mutually satifying goals keeps thing humming along very well.
Timothy

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 8/30/2005 8:45:15 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The only way I know it to work is to let it run its course naturally. Forcing something either way won't work and life will throw enough at you to keep your hands full.

That doesn't mean you sit like a lump, you brainstorm, you communicate, you keep your own mind sharp, you take time alone so that you can re-experience a reunion, you grow together as the people you will become.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 9/4/2005 7:08:50 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		What works for us is mutual respect. My Sub is a very forceful and dynamic person when we're not playing. She is a good close friend who I respect for her opinions and her works. We can operate in the Vanilla world as close friends and the power of her personality makes her submission that much more of a gift. Since I see her in both worlds I realize just how much she does submit to me.
Then there is the fact that I feel good BDSM play, like good sex, has three basic components. They are: attitude, Attitude, and ATTITUDE. She has the right attitude and is always trying to improve and give me more pleasure. That really helps prevent the problem of getting into a boring rut.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 9/4/2005 9:51:30 AM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		Good question. I love my relationship being intense but there are things that can sometimes get in the way of it, ie kids, work, life in genral. The main thing I am finding out is how to stoke the fires of that intensity whenever we can. Can't say I am always successful as coming home from a very long hard days work doesn't leave me in the mood to beat her when all I want is to slip into a semi comatose state. When I am in the mood the kids pop up with thier friends leaving me spending the night grumbling to myself swearing once they hit 18 they get birthday card and a swift boot out of the front door. When we do get to play though we find that intensity does come back very easily. We also find ourselves making time to always maintaining some level of intensity in our relationship.

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 9/4/2005 9:53:20 AM >

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 9/6/2005 4:51:46 AM   
wolffeathers


Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline 		One word, communication. If My sub is bored, or I'm bored, then the thing to do is talk about it. If it's getting to intense for one of us, then we talk about it.

I seem to remember answering a post about rules that Doms have, and I said communication like 5 times. There's a reason for that.

(in reply to WickedKev)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 9/6/2005 12:02:37 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		When it begins to get redundant in the bedroom, I'll suggest we go outside and play more in tents!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to wolffeathers)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 9/10/2005 12:50:01 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm... what an interesting question. I wouldn't say I try to make a relationship intense or try to maintain intensity. For me at least, that is not the goal. Now when you say intensity I think intensity of emotion, passion, sparks flying, roaring flames and a pervasive desire to want to rip each other's clothes off an make wild monkey love whenever the opportunity presents itself. Don't have anything against that, sometimes its great, just don't personally want it that way all the time. Sometimes I like things quieter... I like being able to just talk about... whatever... share thoughts and ideas on just about anything... communicate. So I suppose what I look for, desire and work at maintaining isn't intensity... but depth... depth of emotion, depth of connection.

Just my thoughts on it though.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Relationship Intensity - 9/10/2005 8:53:56 AM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		For me the intensity has more to do with my desire to submit. It is the little things that are said or done that intensify my desire to submit...to want to please the one I am with. Often it is something simple like a kind word or a small jesture. Take for example the other day when showering he took the shampoo from me and procedied to wash my hair for me....this small little nilla jesture made my desire to serve him to please him more intense then I have ever experianced. So for me it is the little things in life the everyday things that maintain the intensity of a relationship in both worlds.

aurora

< Message edited by aurora31 -- 9/10/2005 8:55:49 AM >

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 11
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