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denika -> RE: Personal responsibility (1/22/2008 10:18:35 AM)
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good post :)
IMO the basis for a healthy relationship, of any kind is to be honest. It's not easy, wether vanilla,mainstream,D/s M/s pick a term. A healthy relationship takes a lot of work and it's each persons responsibility to contribute to it's well being. Rob and I have had a few bumps in the road over the years, a few more as of late and alot if came down to the fact we weren't communicating to each other, he would get grumpy, I would pull away when in reality he wanted me to come closer and ask what was wrong. We talk often and honestly so we were able to figure that out. I am also in a poly relationship and identify as a slave, not it's not typical (there are so many definintions to the roles out there I won't even start) some are going to say 'You can't say slave! you are married and a part of you is already owned!' and that is true, I am a slave to both Rob and Wolf, they own the best parts of me.And I gave them the authority over me. Which, can be a challenge in itself, there is something a bit frightening when I see the two of them together, Rob likes to come up with wicked idea's and likes to share them with the person who can carry them out.
The balancing act is keeping the relationships healthy. Rob is my primary, as Wolf has his primary as well, we have to make sure we give them the time and devotion they deserve as well as fostering and growing our relationship within it.
It's not easy and anyone who thinks it is, hasn't dealt with long term poly before :) If you live together or not.
Each person, no matter what the label or role has a responcibility to contribute to the relationship, that's the only way it can work and stay healthy. we are still in the early stage so we are working out all the lumps and bumps (so to speak) but that's where honesty comes in, I know I can share anything I am feeling with either of them. It can be a huge burdon on Rob at times ,since he's not all that intrested in BDSM, but he is open minded and he has his own kinks *s* after 18 years you tend to see each other a certian way, but we are both striving towards the some thing. We may not always be on the same path but we are heading in the same direction and that is what matters. Throw in some healthy love and devotion and it's a very nice recipe :)
Wolf's denika
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