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questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/21/2008 9:11:05 PM   
Aslanemperor


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ok.  Here's a little background.  When I first met my girlfriend, she stated that she wanted to be my submissive.  After talking to her for a long time and getting to know her, I found that I really liked the idea of her as my submissive and gladly took her in.  Soon after however, things got more serious and she decided she would rather be more.  It has taken me a while to convince her that to me, there isn't anything more.  I've given her what she wanted, which was to be called my girlfriend instead of my submissive, but finally she reallized what I want, which is a submissive.
And so she says to me:  Dana, I want you to get a submissive for you since you want one.
At first I think it's a test, so I tell her I'm not going to do it if it will hurt her, but that she should remember that I'm the type to do it if she insists.  She insisted and told me she was ok with it.  Not only that, but with no strings or rules attached other then that I make sure she gets most of my attention, which with us is a given anyway.
So this all leads to my question.  Does anyone have advise for:  A.  Finding a good sub for this type of thing.  B.  making it work out between the new girl and my girlfriend(It would be great if she could enjoy the new girl as well), and C.  Keeping my submissive from getting to jealous of the girlfriend who will definitely be more important then her.
Anyway, any advice or constructive criticism would be welcome.
~Aslanemperor
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/21/2008 9:15:33 PM   
MissRayne


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline 		Its a pain in the ass to find one,or rather a good one who hasnt an alterior motive of some kind.But if you are lucky enough then by all means thank the Goddess for her!!

I am part of a couple.My Master(Yes I am an Owned Domme) and I have been together for 4 years now.We have had several gf's who were sub or slave .Jealousy is bound to happen at somepoint from some one.Its natural.but address it quickly and justly and things will be fine.
Just be prepared to spend time searching for the "one"...I know we still are LoL

Good Luck and Goddess Bless

_____________________________

In Love and light.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/21/2008 9:18:06 PM   
TwistedSin


Posts: 41
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		The only real advice I can give you is take your time.  Everyone can put up a facade for a week or maybe a month, but after awhile their true colors will show through.  And let me tell you, it won't be pretty with three people staying in one house, and one bed.  I was in a poly relationship for a little over 2 months.  That was too long for me, I almost went crazy. 

The only problem I am seeing with this is wanting a submissive to not get jealous when you give her a pat on the head but you're smothering your girlfriend with love and affection.  I don't care how submissive you are, women are women.  We want love and hugs and cuddles and spankings just like everyone else.  Make sure that you do your best to give them both affection.  And another thing I also found important was having the priviledge of taking him to the side and speaking with him if anything was really bothering me.  It helped keep things peaceful.  We girls never said one bad word to each other.  He caught most of the hell.  This is where the facade thing came in.  She acted great until about the 3rd week in, and she turned into a red faced, green eyed jealousy monster.  She once woke us both up at six AM because he was holding me in his sleep instead of her.  I hope you don't get one of those.

I'm rambling!  Good luck to you!

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/21/2008 9:22:28 PM   
TwistedSin


Posts: 41
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh!  Another thing.  Sex is a great tension breaker.  it worked for us O_o;  One minute we were circling each other like sharks about to attack, the next we were all cuddled up like kittens. 

(in reply to TwistedSin)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/21/2008 9:23:31 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Good Luck,some can handle it but most can't ,poly is treated like a monster beast hiding just waiting to pounce..IN our case IE...,She is a beast waiting to pounce smile ,shes a hard core sadist as am I but she is more so,So our adds usually read" I am a sadist hes a sex manic so you will be used on both ends of the specturm.....Just makes sure your girlfriens relizes that THE PERSON COMING IN ISN'T A THREAT BUT SOMEONE THAT TO BECOME A LOVED AND CHERISHED FAMILY MEMBER...IT WILL WORK OUT ..I PROMISE...BOUNTY

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/21/2008 9:47:45 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		My advice is to make sure she really means it, and if she does, to go ahead and do what she asked you to do.  People should get what they ask for, and you should hold them to what they say.

That's assuming you want to do this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

And so she says to me:  Dana, I want you to get a submissive for you since you want one.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/22/2008 3:58:39 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		To make it work between your girlfriend and the new sub, make sure your girlfriend gets along with her on a friendly level and actually likes her before you make the new girl your sub. I don't know if you would be wise to promise your girlfriend "most" of your attention - is the new sub moving in, how does your girlfriend define "most", and is that going to work with the new girl and you?

It sounds like there will be plenty of jealousy - it's not something you can stop. The best you can hope for is general harmony and understanding from all parties, which means you are going to have to communicate openly (preferably all three of you talking together with you monitoring and bringing up issues that each girl expresses to you separately).

Like Bounty said, poly can be challenging but it is manageable if you make your girlfriend understand that the new girl coming in is not a threat, regardless of who gets "most" of the attention at any given time.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/22/2008 4:09:21 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Being poly Myself, with both a husband and a submissive, the best advice I can give you is to guage your girlfriend/submissive's reactions as you start the journey to involve a third.  Keep everything above board, and see how she responds to the searching, contacting, communicating, and meeting others.  I always keep My husband informed and involved in all of this.  It helps to see what his feelings are through this process, and whether or not the two of them will work out, as well as the new submissive working out for Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/22/2008 4:20:47 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Like LadyPact says communication and keeping your partner informed is the key. Deviate from that and you are in trouble.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: questions about couples having subs/slaves - 1/22/2008 6:29:09 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Or you could do what HoneyMaster did, and describe the parameters of our relationship as bf/gf M/s.
It works for us.
(although, with this type of relationship, tensions can arise.)

Good luck!

~Christina

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 10
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