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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 10:52:02 AM   
GingerLou


Posts: 15
Status: offline 		When I'm in that place I don't remember to talk. so being issued a word won't do me any good(not that I ever had one to begin with)

I remember once Master asking me questions like if I was okay and how did i feel how did what he was doing feel,etc.

I had zoned out bigtime

and if I go into fight mode cause past abuse gets triggered somhow.........well it's going to be a problem.

I truly have to depend on the person I'm with to know my reactions once I'm in subspace

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(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 10:55:06 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		And here is the fine print (do NOT try reading this at home, kids; someone will put a fuckin' eye out):
 
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile
 
ImbecilicMaster

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 11:30:44 AM   
embersMaster


Posts: 24
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I believe that every submissive has the right to stop a behavior that is dangerous or beyond their limits.  Therefore, I always use some type of safety word with My slave and My submissives.  Free will is what differentiates our lifestyle from abuse.  subs and slaves willingly give themselves over to their Dominant, under the agreement that the sub/slave's hard and soft limits will be respected.  Over time, I believe that a sub or slave will likely use their safe words less and less, but this does not change the fact that they have the right to use it.

When one of My submissives or when My slave uses a safe word, it is not defiance (except when it is), it is them letting me know that there is an issue that has come up for them and we need to address it. 

My thoughts.

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embersMaster

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Slave Safety words? (2) - 1/22/2008 11:32:49 AM   
embersMaster


Posts: 24
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		PS

I choose to use colors:
  • Green is go
  • Yellow is "I am not ok with the activity but please continue the scene"
  • Red is "stop everything"

Colors tend to give Me more information about what My sub/slave is experiencing.  Also, if I am doing a new activity with them, I can ask, "color?" and get My information immediately.

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embersMaster

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 12:00:59 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

I was talking with a submissive/slave (She's not sure yet), and a though came to me. Should a slave have a safety word? Or, the master, having complete, 100% control, should he not have to worry about the slave interrupting the session, but instead should make sure he doesn't push to hard?

shit, here we go again

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 12:17:34 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Irish, he's very new.  Good intentions.  Trying to learn.  Don't hurt him too badly.

Cali
(in an uncharacteristically charitable mood)


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 1:03:24 PM   
StrictMaster979


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/19/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not sure when a sub passes into slavery, how many sessions, how many months, but I have never operated without safe words, it  just makes things simple and safe for all.  I have at times let my emotions get too high in the heat of a session, and had we not had words it could have been a bad scene.  People are not always cool and collective, even if they start out so, they get mad, they get excited, they make mistakes, so it is always good to have a back up system.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 1:26:12 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not sure when a sub passes into slavery


Some of us never do.  On purpose.


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(in reply to StrictMaster979)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 1:27:08 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Depends on the trust level and the relationship dynamics.
Personally giving a slave a safeword give them control


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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 1:56:07 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		After having reread my post, and what others have posted as well, I feel I need to add a little more to what I said about not using safe words in my Home.

I do not use them, this is true. But as I said it is not often I play with girls from outside the Home.
I have been called extreme by some of my Gorean collegues, I do not simply practice D/s, it is M/s at a depth that scares the hell out of most. 
A girl coming into my Home understands well in advance how my Home is run and the dynamic that exisits here. They have assignments that must be completed prior to their arrival that give me an indepth look intothem, their past, their level of experience, etc. Then there are phone interviews and questions that dig even deeper. In these interviews I listen for things that I may have missed or were not revealed to me in the assigments. and I dig a little more.
By the time a girl gets here, I have a very strong sense of who she is, why she is, and why she has come.
While she is in my Home I continue to watch, listen, and dig.
When S/M play begins it progresses slowly, listening, watching, and asking questions. I take them to the edge, and watch them. Sometimes I will take them beyond what they thought they could endure and sometimes not, depends on the girl and how I read her.

I tell this not to justify myself or promote my Home, but because I don't want anyone who doesn't know what they are doing to decide to play without safe words. There is  more to it than picking up a flogger or whip and deciding to see how far you can push her, you have KNOW what you are playing with.
Doing so is a form of edge play and can be extremely dangerous, both in the sense of physical and emotional harm.
Men, if you are new to the BDSM scene, swallow your pride and give the wench a safeword, set up guide lines for its use and PAY ATTENTION!!!
Girls, your physical and emotional well being are in his hands, don't over estimate his experience, or your own.




< Message edited by LordShadow -- 1/22/2008 2:10:08 PM >

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Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 2:01:46 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes the wench having control is not necessarily a bad thing.
Is she new?
Is he new?
Have they played together before?
Is it casual play or is there a relationship involved?
A lot of factors exist in this, and this is an open forum read by people from all levels of experience and different aspects of the lifestyle. We have to be mindful of this when we post, so as not to encourage the wrong methods to the wrong people.

_____________________________

Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 2:18:01 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		It is a gradual transition, starting with the Man. When he transforms from Dom to Master, she in turn will make the transformation from sub to slave.

_____________________________

Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to StrictMaster979)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 2:23:02 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Irish, he's very new.  Good intentions.  Trying to learn.  Don't hurt him too badly.

Cali
(in an uncharacteristically charitable mood)


Well fiddlefuck
/kicks the wall
And here I was thinking I could have some fun

Party pooper

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 2:24:32 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Well, I don't think he would protest if you wanted to fuck his fiddle.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 3:29:57 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I know I am boring, but there is no rulebook. You make it up as you go along.

Having said that, I try to make sure my playmate gives me her stop word, whether she wants to use it or not. From a legal perspective, it is a good thing to do, as well. Try explaining to the judge, when she sues you much much later, why you did not provide a way for her to stop you.

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 3:40:29 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the responses guy's, it's interesting to read others opinions.

I guess it takes just getting to know the slave/submissive enough...To know her hard limits.

See, I don't want to give her the safe word, if she might use it when she truly doesn't -need- the safeword...If she's just doing it because she doesn't want to do it (As I'm not going to go to her hard limits), then I don't want to stop. But if there's something seriously wrong, then I want to be able to stop. I guess it's trial and error.

And sure Irish, my fiddle is waitin'. lol

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 3:58:29 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

I guess it takes just getting to know the slave/submissive enough...To know her hard limits.


A safeword is not necessarily about hard limits.  It is about being given more than you can take, about having something really wrong (pinched nerve, leg cramp, heart attack, whatever), it can be about so many things.

quote:

See, I don't want to give her the safe word, if she might use it when she truly doesn't -need- the safeword.


Unless you can read her mind, that is not your call, that is hers.  And being so new, you really cannot afford this type of thinking.

quote:

If she's just doing it because she doesn't want to do it (As I'm not going to go to her hard limits), then I don't want to stop.


Again, not your decision.  You will not know if she is safewording just because she doesn't want to do it, or if she really is in too much pain, or whatever.

quote:

But if there's something seriously wrong, then I want to be able to stop. I guess it's trial and error.


No, it's not trial and error, and it's not your decision, again, on whether something is seriously wrong.  She always has the option to withdraw consent.  Otherwise, it's generally a felony.

You are very, very new at this.  I would advise much more caution than you seem ready to exercise.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 4:13:32 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

And here is the fine print (do NOT try reading this at home, kids; someone will put a fuckin' eye out):

And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile

ImbecilicMaster


I take it your slaves don't dance and if they don't dance then they're no slaves of mine?

_____________________________



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 4:31:51 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Well, I don't think he would protest if you wanted to fuck his fiddle.

Cali


LMFAO

Only if his fiddle is umm...top notch ....I only use the best

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 4:54:59 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		I do not know what your level of experience is but it has been indicated that you are very new to S/M by others.
If you are in fact as new as has been indicated I would VERY strongly advise against not giving her some kind of safe word to use.
You indicate that you fear she will use the safe word inappropriately, and this I can understand, so please allow me to offer you an alternative suggestion to not using one.

Give her a safe word and strict parameters for its use, ie. excessive pain, numbness, mental anguish, etc. With these parameters, let her know that she will be punished if she uses it unnecessarily or improperly. If you are truly paying attention to her body language and breathing during the scene, you will know if it is or isn't.
STOP even if you think it isn't, if you don't you could do serious damage to her emotionally even if she is using it inappropriately, not to mention the damage to the trust and your relationship.
And don't punish her by continuing (you wouldn;t believe how many idiots have done that)
Don't make her afraid to use it, but be clear about how and when to use it.

< Message edited by LordShadow -- 1/22/2008 5:02:18 PM >

_____________________________

Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 40
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