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Padriag -> RE: what to do? (9/10/2005 12:33:37 AM)
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You weren't specific about what kind of lie or why the lie was told. I can't give you a simplistic black and white answer, there isn't one in my opinion. When someone lies to me, I want to know not just what the lie was, but why they lied... that later matters just as much to me and sometimes more. Maybe the best way to illustrate what I mean is with a couple of experiences.
Years ago I met a woman online who sent me several very attractive photos. She told me she was a doctor and after a number of conversations I had no reason to doubt that, she knew her stuff. Eventually things came to a point where she wanted to begin a relationship, and pursue it offline, I was insterested. At that point she felt she needed to "come clean" with me. The photos weren't her, they were her sister. She sent me a photo of herself, she wasn't bad looking, not as pretty as her sister, but not bad (and she was a brunette, always a plus with me, her sister was blond). Then she confessed she wasn't really a doctor. In reality she was head nurse at a large hospital... not an achievement to be ashamed of by any means. But in talking with her about why she lied it was clear she has virtually no self esteem... no matter what her own achievements were, she never felt she was worth anything. That told me far more that concerned me than those two lies. I broke it off, not so much because she lied, but because of why she lied. I wasn't willing to take that on as part of a relationship.
Another case involved a young lady I was deeply in love with and quite serious about. I had been stressed and not feeling well for about a week. Well, I got some mail from a rather annoying person one day an she saw it before I did... so she hid it, and then compounded the mistake by forgetting that she had done so for more than a month. Now the mail really wasn't important and I'd probably have tossed it in the trash anyway (and in fact did when I finally got it), but I hate it when someone hides things from me. We had a long talk about that and I made it clear she was never to do that again... but I didn't break up with her over it or hold it against her. Despite her mistake, her intentions were good and her heart was in the right place, but then it always was with her... she was a sweet gal. She just made a mistake is all, an error in judgement, we all do that from time to time.
My point is, its not just that someone has lied that ought to be looked at... but their motives too. Sometimes why they lied is a lot more important than the lie itself.
Edited to add this: Damn good advice from MaxSteel.
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