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what to do? - 8/30/2005 7:34:25 PM   
joelle2001


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/14/2005
Status: offline 		What if you find that the person your playing with is not truthful with you whether it be their age or soemthing else? i have been having so many doubts and then found out some things that were not true about a person i was playing with. i don't know if i should comfront Him or leave it alone.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what to do? - 8/30/2005 8:06:07 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		Is this any different from any other type of relationship? Either you're willing to continue allowing someone dishonest to have a place in your life or you're not. No one else can tell you how to live your life or what kind of people with which to maintain relationships. You have to be an adult, determine your own level of tolerance for deceit and proceed from there.
Good luck in your journey.
Timothy

(in reply to joelle2001)
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RE: what to do? - 8/30/2005 8:10:31 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What if you find that the person your playing with is not truthful with you whether it be their age or soemthing else? i have been having so many doubts and then found out some things that were not true about a person i was playing with. i don't know if i should comfront Him or leave it alone.


Well, I'd tell them to screw. If they can't be honest about really insignificant things like age, etc. how could you trust them with really important things, like your ass?

If you are afraid that if you throw this liar overboard, you'll never find anyone else to play with, you are wrong. This, WIIWD, is based on honesty. If this guy can't be honest with regular things, how can he be honest when he's playing with you?

Dump and run. You have the empirical data you need. No explaination or confrontation is needed here. Run.

Lily



_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to joelle2001)
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RE: what to do? - 8/30/2005 8:25:20 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		This is a little vague. Age lying is common but a strike for me. Am I to infer anything from reading your profile? Assuming that you might feel like I do and this life is about communication and is supposed to be fun as well as fulfilling.......

Nah, don't give it another thought, you don't have any thoughts and ANYTHING you think is not valid. It is just your inexperience and stupidity........


Grind thru that................

Ok, show over............

Now, anybody here I believe feels that you have a right to reasonable feeling, thought and concern, if you have one express it and talk it out.

This does not require our consensus.

Ron



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to joelle2001)
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RE: what to do? - 8/30/2005 8:40:22 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know that confronting is a good tactic, but leaving it alone will only say that you're ok with being lied to and happy in a situation like this.

Bring it into the open, ask what's going on. If you WANT to make an honest relationship and he's willing to SHOW you that he can build actual trust, then you go from there.

(in reply to joelle2001)
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RE: what to do? - 8/30/2005 9:31:27 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What if you find that the person your playing with is not truthful with you whether it be their age or soemthing else? i have been having so many doubts and then found out some things that were not true about a person i was playing with. i don't know if i should comfront Him or leave it alone.


I'd confront them then dump them. IF they lie they will continue to lie. Which could end up hurting you at a later date. Why allow yourself to be hurt worse by being even more attached to them when it happens?

I would make them very aware of why I was dumping them though.

(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what to do? - 8/30/2005 10:05:42 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I don't know that confronting is a good tactic, but leaving it alone will only say that you're ok with being lied to and happy in a situation like this.

Bring it into the open, ask what's going on. If you WANT to make an honest relationship and he's willing to SHOW you that he can build actual trust, then you go from there.


Positive confrontation is, for me, the best method of handling "problems" and "Fears". Its also damned good self counselling and excelent psychology too. Just grab the problem (In this case male) by the testies......

"And you squeeeeeeze a little,
You twist a little,
You even pull them in and out a little..
And that's all there is,
Thats what they call love......"

Tiptoes off trying to find C&B Armour in large Bear size

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: what to do? - 8/30/2005 10:11:09 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What if you find that the person your playing with is not truthful with you whether it be their age or soemthing else? i have been having so many doubts and then found out some things that were not true about a person i was playing with. i don't know if i should comfront Him or leave it alone.


Don't leave it alone, this is something to be discussed between the two of you. Trust is a powerful thing, if you don't have it in your relationship, then you are in for rough seas.

Talk to him. See what he has to say for himself. Based on his answers or lack of them you can make up your mind from there. Some are a bit quick to tell you to cut and run, but if it is to be over, he at least deserves to know why it is over.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 2:46:41 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		My last relationship ..he built around his lies...If there is one lie most likely bigger ones are to follow... Run because the longer you hang out the more feelings you produce and more hurt
quote:

ORIGINAL: joelle2001

What if you find that the person your playing with is not truthful with you whether it be their age or soemthing else? i have been having so many doubts and then found out some things that were not true about a person i was playing with. i don't know if i should comfront Him or leave it alone.


(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 4:39:55 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

My last relationship ..he built around his lies...If there is one lie most likely bigger ones are to follow... Run because the longer you hang out the more feelings you produce and more hurt
quote:

ORIGINAL: joelle2001

What if you find that the person your playing with is not truthful with you whether it be their age or soemthing else? i have been having so many doubts and then found out some things that were not true about a person i was playing with. i don't know if i should comfront Him or leave it alone.




Yep been there too. That is a real Deal Breaker for me. the trik would have to start all iover and try to build up the trust and respect from the ground up IF I allowed her to.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 5:32:18 AM   
joelle2001


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/14/2005
Status: offline 		Thankyou everyone for replying. i am sorry for being vague about some things in my post. What made the issue complicated for me is that i have become attatched to this person. i think i knew all along what to do , but i needed some reassurance.

(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 6:03:51 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		The thing i've found with those that lie Joelle2001, the *problem* or what ever it is that is creating the lie is within them, not you. Putting them in the spot light of a confrontation usually only produces a protective crust of self preservation. . . . = more lies. Honesty can be hard, especially if the issue at hand is an ugly one. Personally, i cant trust a liar as far as i can throw um. If they'll lie over something simple to get their way, as others have mentioned "your ass" or in my consern, your health are more important then choosing to close your eyes to something you know isnt *right*.

good luck.........
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 8:40:26 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

Well, I'd tell them to screw. If they can't be honest about really insignificant things like age, etc. how could you trust them with really important things, like your ass?

If you are afraid that if you throw this liar overboard, you'll never find anyone else to play with, you are wrong. This, WIIWD, is based on honesty. If this guy can't be honest with regular things, how can he be honest when he's playing with you?

Dump and run. You have the empirical data you need. No explaination or confrontation is needed here. Run.

Lily


I'm with Lily on this one. Almost exactly what I would have said. Difference is that I would absolutely let him know why I'm dumping him. No argument, no discussion, just a simple "I found out that you have lied to me. I can't trust you. Goodbye." It may keep them from doing it to the next person down the line. Doubtful, but possible.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 9:12:59 AM   
SirWaverider


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		as a Dom myself I would agree with ProtgonistLily & Osidegirl.....Especially, if it might involve safety...personally, if you can't trust the person you play with why waste your time and talents??? when I play with My sub...it's all about honesty, safety and trust. (for Example)I like knife play and she loves it to. she honestly knows I would never inflict intentional injury to her...uuuhhh to an extent...nothing that needs a first aid kit or paramedics anyway(LOL) and she trusts me that I will keep safety in mind. there needs to be trust in play. I say let him know yo know he lied and lose him

< Message edited by SirWaverider -- 8/31/2005 9:14:14 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 9:26:14 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline
quote:

Personally, i cant trust a liar as far as i can throw um. If they'll lie over something simple to get their way, as others have mentioned "your ass" or in my consern, your health are more important then choosing to close your eyes to something you know isnt *right*.

good luck.........
Quivver


i can tell you, at 52 years old, that when a lover lies -- about anything -- the bulls**t and drama train is about to pull into the station..i urge you to RUN not walk away from liars.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________



(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 12:15:11 PM   
joelle2001


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/14/2005
Status: offline 		i appriciate what everyone is saying. Although i still have another problem about saying goodbye, i can't yet. i can't let go of how he makes me feel when we are together. Now what?

(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 12:21:38 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joelle2001

i appriciate what everyone is saying. Although i still have another problem about saying goodbye, i can't yet. i can't let go of how he makes me feel when we are together. Now what?


My advice remains the same. You can either accept a relationship that has lies throughout and act like it's good and enjoy what you can, or you can reject a relationship like that.

Yes it's hard, but you're pretty much saying that you value a relationship with a liar and settling for some "good feelings" MORE than valuing honesty and long term commitment (which ONLY work with honesty).

But it will be good to have your perspective when the communication threads start up again. You can say "I just needed him too much, so I de-valued honesty. Now I can still feel good and he can keep lying, works for us, we're totally happy."

You have a clear choice- honoring the value of honesty and not settling, or valuing "a relationship" with a liar.

Emotions don't make it easy, but remember, love isn't NEARLY enough to make a relationship work.

(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 2:16:28 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i appriciate what everyone is saying. Although i still have another problem about saying goodbye, i can't yet. i can't let go of how he makes me feel when we are together. Now what?


It is very obvious from your OP that you have a problem with his lying to you. This sounds as if it is a deal breaker for you. If you want to ignore this in favor of your feelings toward him, don't let me stop you. You have to live with yourself and the underlying knowledge that he might not be honest and trustworthy and that does not sound as if it is what you want from a relationship.

I am certain you have feelings for him and after you end this you will hurt. You will heal, it just takes time. You come out a little wiser and a better person for the experience.

Better to detach from him now rather than wait and allow those feelings to become more ingrained than they are already.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 6:58:23 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		then rule one applies. You must talk to him and find out what it is. He must be honest if it takes you weeks.

Some people just lie because they feel their real feelings or situation will cause you to have misgivings.

Talk talk talk

Get it straight or get it gone, but know....perhaps it is a simple misunderstanding.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to joelle2001)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what to do? - 8/31/2005 7:16:45 PM   
ManOwner


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Lying is bad...mmkay?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 20
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