RE: not sure

RE: not sure (Full Version)

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RoughFN -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:02:46 AM)
On the one hand tasking the sub with finding a second slave can definitely come across as lazy and the guy just being desperate for a threesome. But on the other, to slightly defend the behavior, it may be easier for a girl to find another girl than it is for a guy to. My perception (which, admittedly may be completely wrong) is that it's easier for girls to meet other girls on this site than for guys to find them. The girls are less threatening. So a slave can talk to another sub and be on equal terms and chitchat a bit and be open and honest, the 3rd person doesn't need to worry as much about the sub not being honest or just trying to get her into bed. After all, it's another girl and she's working hard to find somebody, not just a fast lay. After all, most guys that email the girls on here never get back a reply. So maybe the girl email will standout and get some where. Basically, it may just be practicality and seizing an opportunity as opposed to just laziness or desperation. If a girl can find a 3rd in 3 months and he'd take 3 years, then what's wrong with speeding things up? Of course, I could be way off base with my assumptions, but that's always been how I've viewed it.

swtnsparkling -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 8:53:10 AM)
So you have a Master (both new to the lifestyle but been together for 9 years- but you have a huge problem becuase you cannot give yourself to him completely who wants you to find another sub for you both too share -plus you also have a Dom ? do you find it hard to give yourself to your Dom? does your Dom mind that you are looking for another to be with you and your master? God I am confused

adoracat -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 12:00:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Rabbit stew. Yum Yum. Cali be vewy vewy quiet. i'm hunting wabbits. i mean subbies. subbie wabbits. insert Elmer laugh here kitten, who loves the cartoon "whats opera, doc?"

slaveluci -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 6:28:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tricia My Owner and I don’t attend munches, play parties, or lifestyle events. So, unlike many of you, our contact with people who ‘practice’ the same way of living as us is quite limited. My profile clearly states I’m looking for a third. This is a collective effort on both our parts. But, even if it were not, I would see it as my assisting him/serving him as I do in many other ways I absolutely agree, tricia. This is exactly the way it is for us. My profile, His profile and our profile all state that we are seeking a "third." We are into play or, with the right person, a poly family eventually. It has absolutely nothing to do with Master being "lazy." That's the first response that gets trotted out everytime it's mentioned that a sub/slave is looking for another to join them. "THEM" is the operative word here. She would be joining US, not just Him. As a matter of fact, in all frankness, I am the one who suggested seeking another, not Him. He decided He liked the idea very much and we created our profiles. Laziness has nothing at all to do with it. The OP and many others seem to have doms/masters who have much greater issues than laziness. Them being forced to look for someone else for their dom (esp. on a timeline with punishment following if they fail) is ridiculous to me personally. This doesn't mean, however, that any dom with a sub/slave who is assisting in the search is a lazy idiot who isn't worth having as a dom/master. As with any issue discussed here, there's alot more to it than black and white. I totally feel ya, tricia. We don't go to play parties or munches either in order to meet other "lifestylers." Contacting them through our profiles (thus our "collective efforts," as you say) is the main way this is accomplished. It is a way of serving Him but is also a way of serving myself and fulfilling my own desire for another woman in our bed and in our Life..............luci

tricia -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:00:53 PM)
Thank you, Luci. I think we are definitely on the same page : )

DiurnalVampire -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:28:32 PM)
You have another Dom, and he is sending you to find HIm another sub. Sounds like a huge clusterf*ck, honestly. I would never send anyone to find me a sub. I couldnt imagein anyone being able to take my interests into consideration well enough for me to be happy with whomever they brought back. And it sounds as if you both have entirely too much on yout place already to be considering someone else, what with your behavioural issues and all. But, assuming this is what you both want and you are set on it, ask him to make you a list of important traits, and must haves. Then, using those as a guideline, find someone you like, who fits what he wants as well. That gives you at least a jumping off point. Lets just hope it isnt jumping off an emotional cliff... DV

Leatherist -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:30:05 PM)
It annoys the living fuck out of most subs to be approached by another sub for her master. They end up thinking poorly of the guy-instant loss of respect.

AquaticSub -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:39:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist It annoys the living fuck out of most subs to be approached by another sub for her master. They end up thinking poorly of the guy-instant loss of respect. I guess I'm not most subs. For me, it would depend on how I was approached. I'd enjoy knowing that she was an active part of the search and that this was something that she was involved with as well, it wasn't just "You sit over there while I find myself a new playmate".

Leatherist -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:41:01 PM)
We will see what others have to say.

AquaticSub -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:44:55 PM)
Whenever it's come up, it seems to be a very personal thing. More than once OPs have been surprised at how many subs/slaves said "Uh no. I want to be involved in looking for a third person." 'Sides, if I don't get along with the other woman, there really isn't a point in getting to know the man as far as I'm concerned.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: not sure (1/23/2008 7:54:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist It annoys the living fuck out of most subs to be approached by another sub for her master. They end up thinking poorly of the guy-instant loss of respect. that's the reaction i mostly received when doing this for a former - many were annoyed that i was contacting them instead of him being active in the search with me as well. he always told me to find someone phyically like me (he loved women with huge tits) ...after awhile i saw this as something he was setting me up to fail. and for the record this "task" was given to me as the former's idea which was *not* jointly agreed upon. in other words, i was dead set against having another woman being part of us even though (and i didn't know this at the time) he already had many other women on the side.

dirtygirlT -> RE: not sure (1/24/2008 4:59:11 PM)
ok im being to kick myself in the ass for coming here for help. i didnt come here for a bashing i came here just to ask what you would look for in a sub if you were asked to find one thats all. to get things straight i was the one that told Master to find another sub and he came to me and ask me to help find him one im sorry maybe i put it in to wrong words. Master is not lazzy he is a wonderful Master and for the one that said i had behaveral problems your wrong i dont and if you got that from one of my old posts yea at that time i did none of you ever had one of those moments that you just acted like a brat im sure thats not true. i just dont understand why im getting bashed and Master when i have read plenty of profiles on here that said Master or Daddy is having me get on here to find a sub/slave. i dont know maybe i was wrong but i thought this was some were i could go to ask questions and not get judge like i do in the vinilla word i live in and get bashed every day for being Masters slave. guess i was fucking wrong

Kalista07 -> RE: not sure (1/24/2008 5:07:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dirtygirlT ok im being to kick myself in the ass for coming here for help. i didnt come here for a bashing i came here just to ask what you would look for in a sub if you were asked to find one thats all. to get things straight i was the one that told Master to find another sub and he came to me and ask me to help find him one im sorry maybe i put it in to wrong words. Master is not lazzy he is a wonderful Master and for the one that said i had behaveral problems your wrong i dont and if you got that from one of my old posts yea at that time i did none of you ever had one of those moments that you just acted like a brat im sure thats not true. i just dont understand why im getting bashed and Master when i have read plenty of profiles on here that said Master or Daddy is having me get on here to find a sub/slave. i dont know maybe i was wrong but i thought this was some were i could go to ask questions and not get judge like i do in the vinilla word i live in and get bashed every day for being Masters slave. guess i was fucking wrong dirtygirlT, i can see by the lack of punctuation and correct grammer in Your post that You are very upset...For that, i am sorry. However, i think that it was not wrong for You to come here seeking advice, but perhaps it's the way You phrased it...Afterall, why would it matter what any of us would look for in a sub? We are not You, are we? Our preferences are not Your preferences. Our likes are not Your likes.....It seems to me that perhaps Your time and energy may be best suited focusing on Your relationship rather than defending Your past (or current) behavior.

AquaticSub -> RE: not sure (1/24/2008 5:18:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dirtygirlT ok im being to kick myself in the ass for coming here for help. i didnt come here for a bashing i came here just to ask what you would look for in a sub if you were asked to find one thats all. to get things straight i was the one that told Master to find another sub and he came to me and ask me to help find him one im sorry maybe i put it in to wrong words. Master is not lazzy he is a wonderful Master and for the one that said i had behaveral problems your wrong i dont and if you got that from one of my old posts yea at that time i did none of you ever had one of those moments that you just acted like a brat im sure thats not true. i just dont understand why im getting bashed and Master when i have read plenty of profiles on here that said Master or Daddy is having me get on here to find a sub/slave. i dont know maybe i was wrong but i thought this was some were i could go to ask questions and not get judge like i do in the vinilla word i live in and get bashed every day for being Masters slave. guess i was fucking wrong This is not, repeat not, a safe space where you can share feelings and ask any sort of question without fear of being insulted or judged. There are cons to this but there are also some definate pros. There are other spaces that strive to be safe spaces - these usually state that they do and are a lot more work for the moderators. And my advice still stands: Ask him what he wants.

Kalista07 -> RE: not sure (1/24/2008 5:20:50 PM)
quote: Ask him what he wants. Now Aquatic what fun would that be??? It would take all the mystery (frustration, resentment, arguements, etc) out of the game......Now where's the fun in open, honest communication? Sheesh!!

eyesopened -> RE: not sure (1/25/2008 2:06:53 AM)
i totally agree with Aquatic. IF i were interested in joining a poly household i would actually appreciate being contacted by the submissive first rather than the Dominant. This would let me know that she's at very least aware of His seeking a third, (since sometimes the submissives are the last to know). It would allow me the opportunity to find out what she loves about her Dominant, what she envisions our roles to be relative to the Dominant as well as each other. i see the submissive seeking as being a positive thing.

DesFIP -> RE: not sure (1/25/2008 5:30:02 AM)
In your op you state that he told you to find him another sub, now you come back and say that's a lie, that it's all your idea. So which is it, his idea or yours? And how you would expect us to magically know that this is all your idea when you specifically stated the opposite makes no sense. This is a text based medium. The only info we have is what you write down. If you deliberately write down falsehoods, then don't be angry when we believe you and operate on the info you gave us.

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